On the seventh day, the Lord finally took a break from his tireless schedule (of creating heaven and earth and all things between) in order to relieve a rather tricky case of constipation. And thus came to pass the creation of the racist, misogynist, xenophobic ignoramus we know as Sepp Blatter.
Some archaeologists speculate that there was a brief time, during the Jurassic and Cretaceous periods, when the FIFA president did not offend any minority (or majority) group for several years. However, critics point out that this was because the only other living creatures during that period were outdated dinosaurs just like him.
I considered recoiling in horror (as is the official standard reaction) at the latest verbal gaffe to leave Blatter with egg on his face. Then again, a more entertaining course of action might be to run through some of his finest moments in the job.
So join us for a front row seat to watch the footballing world's shameless, corrupt and perennially drunk avatar of Father Christmas blabber aimlessly with scant regard as to which segment of the footballing world he is about to alienate...