WWE Raw Supershow Gets Rocked: 135 Things We Learned from the 3-Hour Show

The Doctor Chris MuellerFeatured ColumnistNovember 15, 2011

We are coming off what I feel was the second great WWE Raw in a row. The three-hour broadcast, which took place from the same arena in Boston which held this year's Royal Rumble, had just about everything I could have asked for.

The show had so much packed into it that the original article I was going to do about "Ten things we learned from Raw" kept growing. I thought I would go through the show on my DVR again and just pick every single thing I could think of and make the biggest list I could.

I know not all of these things listed are of any real importance but I decided to have a little fun with it so please bear with me as I list 135 things we learned from tonight's three-hour Raw.

1. Jim Ross can beat Michael Cole in arm wrestling very easily
2. Michael Cole can't dance
3. Neither can JR, but it's fun to watch
4. Jerry Lawler listens to Maroon 5
5. Michael Cole weighs 200 pounds
5. Jim Ross weighs 239 pounds
6. CM Punk hates Michael Cole
7. So does the WWE Universe (I threw up a little bit after typing that term)
8. John Laurinaitis has 38,000 Twitter followers
9. He thinks he knows what they want
10. Michael Cole is apparently sorry for something
11. Mick Foley can sew two shirts together seamlessly
12. Cody Rhodes is dashing again
13. Randy Orton emancipated Rhodes somehow
14. Sin Cara is not botching as many moves
15. Hunico is pronounced without the H, or is it?
16. Rhodes didn't wake up on third and think he hit a triple: quote of the night from JR
17. When Sin Cara's partner is about to be defeated, he will still attack the guy outside the ring
18. Santino Likes The Rock better than Cena
19. Zack Ryder likes Cena better than The Rock
20. They both agree that Miz and Truth suck
21. Santino will be a shill for any WWE product
22. Zack Ryder and Santino might make an awesome tag team, they're kind of funny together
23. Dolph Ziggler is replacing Christian at Survivor Series
24. Dolph Ziggler thinks he's damn good at giving promos
25. He's OK
26. Michael Cole's arm is so injured he needs a sling
27. Mason Ryan is not relevant in Boston judging by his reaction
28. John Morrison never wears a shirt with jeans but will when he comes to the ring for a match
29. The US title picture is more interesting than the World Heavyweight title right now
30. Mick Foley is big fan of Zack Ryder
31. Even Michael Cole likes Mick Foley
32. Let's face it, he is loved by everyone
33. Cole uses the term "You're so 1995"
34. Mick Foley thinks John Cena is among the very best to step in the ring
35. Boston disagrees
36. Mick Foley can do a "This is your life" segment about anybody and it will be funny
37. John Cena was a fat baby
38. He has never had a good hair style in his life
39. You can play anything to sad music in slow motion and it will be kind of moving
40. John Cena sucks at baseball
41. He cried for an entire day according to his coach
42. Bull Buchanan hates John Cena
43. He also had rabies and somehow blames that on Cena
44. He also looks like a mini-Big Show with his half goatee and shaved head
45. WWE still has his theme music on hand
46. John Cena's father acts like a cheap Vegas showman
47. Cena's dad hates the WWE fans for some reason
48, Even John Cena thinks he needs to shut up
49. Cena's father sounds like a computerized voice from a bad 80's movie for some reason
50. The Rock hates Mick Foley's "This is your life" about John Cena so much he will Rock Bottom his friend to end it
51. John Cena thought it was funny when Foley was Rock Bottomed apparently
52. The Rock has 1,476,766 Twitter Followers
53. Cena has 1,049,787 Twitter Followers
54. I couldn't care less
55. By the way, follow me on Twitter, just kidding
56. Sheamus and Swagger are the only thing that made me fast forward for some reason
57. Vickie is not liked in Boston
58. The Bella Twins are gold diggers
59. They confuse last week with last night
60. Zack Ryder calls Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez "Al and Ricky"
61  Zack Ryder refers to both Bellas as "Bro"
62. Alicia Fox looks like the Partridge Family bus
63. Kelly Kelly looks good in any team's jersey
64. WWE will shamelessly plug things in the middle of entrances for matches
65. Kelly can reverse the sharpshooter attempt somehow despite dozens of legends falling to the same maneuver for years
66. John Laurinaitis is always using his phone and the film crew likes watching him use it
67. Del Rio is on the cover of Hombre Magazine
68. John Laurinaitis likes Del Rio better than CM Punk
69. For the first time ever, Miz and Truth gave up a chance to talk
70. Matt Striker looks short next to anybody
71. Del Rio will mercilessly beat someone down without dropping his scarf
72. Mercedes SL 550's cost $125,000, according to Michael Cole
73. According to Edmunds.com, it costs $103,000
74. Mark Henry's new catch phrase is "All Will Suffer"
75. Jerry Lawler likes Henry's new shirt
76. Big Show and Henry can put on better matches each time they wrestle; they still aren't amazing yet, but they get better each time they face off
77. Big Show will wear his shirt, until he gets really mad
78. Del Rio doesn't care if he gets tagged, he thinks Henry is supposed to be in there when Big Show is wrestling
79. Del Rio and Punk always put on a great show together
80. Kevin Nash is a big fan of Santino
81. Oh wait, he hates him
82. He got the biggest pop at the Rumble, according to him
83. Santino thinks he will be WWE Champion by the next time WWE visits this arena
84. Kevin Nash can still work a promo pretty well
85. Orton and Barrett need their whole teams to wrestle a singles match
86. No one could have ever imagined it would break out into an all-out brawl (how do you convey sarcasm in text?)
87. Hunico will be left to fend for himself by his team
88. The fans of Boston will cheer for Foley, The Rock will attack Foley, and then they will cheer for The Rock
89. All you have to do in any city to get a pop is mention one of their hometown hot spots
90. The Rock is looking jacked
91. Do we know is he has to adhere to the same wellness policy as the rest of the roster? Because it looks like he may be juicing a little, just a thought
92. The Rock can make the fans chant just about anything
93. Boots to Asses is Rock's new catchphrase
94. The Rock wakes up at 3:30 AM
95. The Rock makes sure he tweets within 15 minutes of waking up
96. The Rock doesn't like Fruity Pebbles
97. The Rock is a wicked pissa according to some security guy
98. The Rock has great aim
99. The Rock has finally come back to Boston
100. The Rock still loves Foley
101. He hates Cena enough to attack someone he loves to stop a tribute to him
102. The fans thanked The Rock for stopping it
103. The Rock said they were welcome
104. The Rock lives for moments like this, which is why he only does this once every few years, right?
105. The Rock uses the term Twittertainment
106. The Rock thinks he can make anything trend
107. Somehow he knows what is trending worldwide at that very moment without checking Twitter
108. The Rock has a special little "C" on his shirt for "Captain"
109. The Rock ain't waiting six days to deliver an awesome ass whooping to Awesome Truth
110. Awesome Truth are ready to come to the ring just in case someone says they will beat them up
111. R-Truth hates when the fans say "What"
112. R-Truth also uses the term Twittertainment for some damn reason
113. Whenever Truth and Miz are on, Raw gets awesome, according to them
114. The Rock will call someone out for a beat down and then let them talk as long as they want
115. Miz and Truth don't care what The Rock wants
116. They also don't care what the fans want
117. They want to make history at Survivor Series
118. Cena can't let anyone leave the ring without a needless fight, now can he?
119. The Miz is wearing makeup
120. Cena will come out and insult the Rock while standing on the same side as he is against Awesome Truth
121. Cena has become a little more entertaining again
122. Cena is not used to having support from people who have not hit puberty
123. The Rock thinks John Cena has "Lady Parts"
124. The Rock will not even look at Cena when talking about him
125. The Rock can make "Cena's Lady Parts" trend worldwide
126. Boston will chant anything
127. Cena uses the term Mangina
128. I think the Boston audience should have chanted "Mangina;" who's with me?
129. The term "Little Jimmys" sounds a lot dirtier after having heard lady parts and mangina
130. The Rock and Cena will attack Awesome Truth despite Awesome Truth not wanting to fight
131. The Rock will steal Miz from an attempted AA just to Rock Bottom him and then walk away
132. Cena didn't like that
133. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler finally agree on something, The Rock and Cena cannot coexist
134. The USA network will show a TV-PG Raw show and then go right into Next Friday's intro which is littered with uncensored N words
135. Ice Cube still ain't got no job

There you have it folks, some things we learned were important while other were pointless, but overall I thought tonight's show was great.

What did you think of the 3 hour Raw Supershow from Boston?