I wanted to take a moment to congratulate on your ascension to the top of the franchise. Out with the old, in with the new, as I always say, and that’s great.
I know you’re busy, Jed, working hard to move the team out of the antiquated dump in Candlestick point, down to a state of the art football cathedral in Santa Clara, to think of the ideas that must be running through your head!
A new stadium, attached to a mega mall, luxury boxes, and personal seat licenses?
I know you can do it, Jed. I trust that you’ll find a way to allocate public money in order to build this new wonder for all to enjoy.
And I will tell you that right now I’ll be first in line to purchase my very own personal seat licenses, drive an extra hour to every game, and slap down another Andrew Jackson in the very hand of Sally the parking attendant who’ll work the new lot.
I can’t wait to take the 30 minute walk from my car to my PSL’s in the upper deck.
In fact, I dream about it often.
But as a fan of the 49ers, I’ve already received my wish for this season. The team played so horribly that Mike Nolan was fired.
To ice the cake, your parents, in what can only be a gesture of mercy, stepped away from the business of running what was once a marquee franchise straight into the ground and bestowed you, their 27-year-old son upon the faithful.
Ah, to be rebuilding again!
And the 49ers are rebuilding, Jed, make no mistake about that. Don’t let them fool you Jed, this team is rotten. As a longtime fan, I want to let you know something, those others might act like they’ll be happy with a team being competitive, but they aren’t Raider’s fans Jed, they’re spoiled.
They won’t claim blind allegiance to their team and turn their head at the sounds of gross mismanagement. A division title might buy you a year, but the year after? Forget it. You’ll need to start winning playoff games.
You won’t be able to rest easily then either, Jed. You’ll get one, maybe two years tops where a win or two in the playoffs will be enough, after that, it’s the Super Bowl. You got to bring back Lombardi.
Last I heard, Lombardi wasn’t taking any calls from the 415.
It’s a sad state of affairs, I know.
But the rest of these fans, they aren’t like me. They don’t appreciate what they have. They don’t appreciate the memories. They are blood-thirsty Jed, and their thirst will not be slated until you put together a winner. A new stadium won’t be enough for these whiners!
So let me take you back Jed, before you get gloomy, and let me spin you on a positive track. I’ve got the blue print for turning the team around right here. You follow my simple instructions, and not only will you get that shiny new stadium, but those fans will be lining up behind me to fill those seats.
After watching Mike Singletary, I’ve become convinced that he’s a dangerous lunatic, yet he’s probably earned the right to keep the job. He can hold Mike Martz in check, and Martz can be a pretty good offensive coordinator when he has a leash around his neck.
On top of which, us fans love him! After Dennis Erickson and Mike Nolan erased any association the 49ers have with joy, you could put Tom Cable on the sidelines and we’d eat it up.
Now, if someone comes along like, I don’t know, Mike Holmgren, you should strongly consider showing Singletary the door. Or better yet, maybe Holmgren might want to play GM.
Now, if this happens, I’m not saying that you should just go out and fire Scot McCloughan in this scenario, but I’m sure he would take a demotion to say, unemployment.
I also think you should keep Shaun Hill as the starter. No need to sign anyone. Don’t sign Matt Cassel or Donovan McNabb. McNabb’s a loser and Cassel hasn’t figured out how to use the best receiver in the league. I doubt he’d do much better with Arnaz Battle and Bryant Johnson.
The way I see it, Shaun Hill can keep this team competitive for the next two seasons, and in that time you have two drafts to find a quarterback. Carry four on the roster, maybe even five, you just need to find one. There has got to be somebody, somewhere, in this draft who’ll mature into a Pro Bowl quarterback.
Now, a lot of people are going to whisper in your ear about flashy No. 1 receivers to stretch the field and open up the offense, and you know what? Those receivers are great, but we don’t need one.
What we need is a pass rush. Every successful defense in the history of the league has been able to pressure the quarterback, but this team can’t do that.
So find a guy that can get after the quarterback.
See how easy this is, Jed?
Once you’ve fired McCloughan, convinced Holmgren to come back as GM, kept Singletary, retained Martz, resisted signing a big name free agent quarterback, kept Shaun Hill as the starter, unearthed a young quarterback capable of leading the team to multiple championships, and drafted a young pass rusher who blossoms into an all-pro, well, you’ll be well on your way.
Division championship, maybe even a couple of playoff wins, and who knows?
A Super Bowl run?
A return to glory?
You do that Jed, they may even consider buying PSL's.