WWE RAW 11/7: Birthday Edition, Ryder Main Events, Morrison Wins (Humor)

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WWE RAW 11/7: Birthday Edition, Ryder Main Events, Morrison Wins (Humor)

After watching the “My Birthday Edition” of Monday Night Raw, I'd like to highlight a few thoughts. 

 

Hustle, Loyalty and Ryder

We are welcomed to Liverpool, England for a pre-taped edition of Raw!

I always like seeing Raw go to England. The flags next to the Titantron, the classic car by the entrance ramp and sometimes the bus on the opposite side are nice touches. They do a nice set up—I have to admit.

John Cena comes out to a shower of boos from the England natives, which I find funny. At the same time, I feel kind of bad for John. After all, his “Rise above Hate” shirt is cooler than his old Koolaid shirt. I’d consider buying his new shirt if it didn’t say “Hustle, Loyalty, Respect” on the back.

He’s tossed that phrase around since his rapper days. How can you be loyal enough to hustle someone? But that’s a different topic for a different day.

So Awesome Truth comes out and Cena says his tag partner tonight is a future Hall of Famer. Cena starts coming up with a pretty cool introduction—until Miz gives the old, “It doesn’t matter who your partner is.”

Nice Rock plug, Miz.

Awesome Truth goes to confront Cena but Zack Ryder makes the save, lays out Truth with the Rough Ryder and has a MegaPowers-like handshake with Cena.

Raw rating?

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John Morrison vs. United States Champion, Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero

I'm not going to lie—Vickie looks pretty hot tonight. Shut up, Lawler.

Just when I think Morrison will be buried by my man, D-Ziggs, the announcing team takes a 180 and messes this one up. Lawler and Cole talk way too much about John Morrison’s losing streak and about an interview he did with WWE.com about going back to square one.

Square one for Morrison? Would that be teaming with Joey Mercury and Melina again? No? Okay…

So I factor in Cole’s overuse of Morrison’s losing streak and D-Ziggs' current losing streak and I think “uh-oh” and “yippe!”

I think "uh-oh" because Ziggler, US Champion, is about to lose again and “yippe” like a school girl because JoMo is going to win.

After a nice back and forth match, Morrison actually wins!

Winner: John Morrison

JoMo may be back on the road to success. I compare his losing streak to that of MVP a couple years ago.

The only question I have is: Why have Morrison snap out of his losing streak at Ziggler’s expense? Dolph is the reigning United States Champion, after all.

Who should be United States Champion?

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Now Ziggler lost to Zack Ryder, Mason Ryan and John Morrison. I was told that Ziggler is losing for now, just so he can drop the title onto the "next guy" and move up the card.

Okay, cool. Book a three-way at Survivor Series and let Ryder win the belt.

Mason Ryan is too green for any title right now.

 

Mason Ryan vs. JTG

Speaking of the steroid devil…

Ryan destroys JTG and it’s nice to know JTG is still employed…for now.

Winner: Mason Ryan

 

Tag Team Champion, Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Champion, Alberto Del Rio

Nice to see the WWE champ wrestling in the mid-card, right?

“People don’t like a fighting champion, they like a winning champion” – @CharlieEGW_BR

“Del Rio is neither” – @PSImFace

That’s true…

Since Bourne screwed up by smoking “fake weed” and getting suspended, Kofi has to pay for it. Make sense?

Of course not.

Match of the night?

Submit Vote vote to see results

Kofi jobs to ADR and taps out via armbar.

Winner: WWE Champion, Alberto Del Rio

ADR doesn’t let up until CM Punk comes out.

 

I Don’t Really Know What Happened Next

I’ll be honest, once I saw Punk and Del Rio with microphones, I switched the channel. I put on the Bears vs. Eagles on ESPN…

I turned the channel back and the segment was just about over. I sensed Rodriguez would get a GTS because Del Rio is that much of a coward and there’s a 99.9 percent chance he’ll run away.

Del Rio kept calling Punk “perro” (Spanish for "dog"). ADR went from Mexican aristocrat to Mexican gangsta. Team him with Hunico and Epico for a pretty cool Mexican gangsta stable.

ADR started to beat down Punk and I was happy. I’m no Punk fan.

Punk fights back and Ricardo steps in. ADR runs away and Punk hits a GTS on Ricardo. Called it.

I was annoyed with how Punk fought off these two guys. Can you say, “New Superhero?”

 

Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella

This is a Muppets rematch from last week.

Swagger comes to the ring with Vickie and a new twitch in his eye which just makes him look weirder instead of more intimidating.

Squash match number two on the night when Swagger wins via Ankle Lock.

Winner: Jack Swagger via submission

Was there ever any doubt in Swagger going into this match? Really?

 

#OccupyKellyKelly

I heard this was a trending topic on Twitter. Congrats to @DumbKellyKelly for a success!

K2 comes out looking pretty hot, I must say. She sounds awful on the mic, though. It’s like someone stole a high school graduation speech and told her that it would work for her promo.

Divas Champion, Beth Phoenix, and my favorite, Natalya, come out talking about being Barbie dolls.

Typical WWE nowadays. Putting two Divas together to make a “Mean Girls” duo. First Lay-Cool, then the Bellas and now Beth and Natalya. 

Beth and Natalya start chanting, “Cry! Cry! Cry!” at Kelly just like Lay-Cool did to Mickie James.

Then Alicia Fox and my second favorite, Eve, come out.

Natalya and Beth can easily destroy them but they decide to leave instead.

Maybe they went to steal Eve’s car. Remember that story on WWE.com about Eve stealing Natalya and Beth’s car? Revenge is sweet.

They unveil the issue of Maxim with Kelly on the cover. I think she’s overdressed because this was the same girl that had live strip teases on ECW. You don’t fool me. I’m sure Randy Orton will have a lot to say about Kelly on the cover of Maxim…

 

Kevin Na– How’s the Bears vs. Eagles?

I see Kevin Nash and think that he looks younger and more energetic with brown hair. Then I think of the way he looked when he had gray hair. He looked smart and wise. 

Nash barely makes it onto my TV screen before I switch to some Monday Night Football. Sorry, Kev.

 

Main Event

Awesome Truth vs. Zack Ryder and John Cena

England hates Cena and chants for Ryder early on the match.

Eventually, everyone is happy when Ryder comes in and goes to work. Soon enough, Ryder is used as Awesome Truth’s punching bag, which sets up the Super-Cena comeback almost perfectly.

Ryder does tag in Cena who comes in on fire. He takes down Miz and Truth and sets up for a Five-Knuckle Shuffle. Ryder joins in on the Shuffle and tosses Truth out of the ring.

Truth pulls Ryder out of the ring, Miz nearly kicks Cena’s face off his body and pins him. R-Truth holds Cena’s leg down and Awesome Truth steal one.

Winners: Awesome Truth

Nice way of trying to make us forget that Cena just took down Awesome Truth last week. Still, good match and good showing for the Woo Woo Woo Kid.

I enjoyed this edition of Raw tonight, I must say.

Morrison wins in a good match with D-Ziggs, Swagger is for real, Ryder main events, JTG still has a job and England hates Cena. The MotN (Match of the Night) definitely goes to JoMo and D-Ziggs. Good match.

 

Pros:

  • Opening Segment
  • Ziggler vs. Morrison
  • Morrison wins
  • Swagger and Del Rio look strong
  • Main event match was good

Cons

  • D-Ziggs loses
  • Mason Ryan squash match
  • Kofi buried?
  • Too many squash matches
  • Awesome Truth wins to make us forget that Cena beat them last week?

I'm usually the guy that writes those humorous IMPACT reviews and this is my first WWE review. Let me know if I should start writing weekly Raw reviews or not. Thanks for reading!

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