We Can Work It Out: My Lunch Meeting with the Dallas Cowboys

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We Can Work It Out: My Lunch Meeting with the Dallas Cowboys

I don't know about any of you, but I heard that there is trouble brewing in Dallas. In an effort to bring peace to this franchise in turmoil, Bleacher Report decided to send their media darling Michael J to mediate a lunch meeting.

He politely accepted. The following is a transcript from that meeting.

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All right, gang. Let's see if we can get to the bottom of our issues.

Jerry Jones: I don't need this. I have a football team to run.

Okay, Jerry, but I think this will help your team run more harmoniously. So I think it would be in everyone's best interest if you sat down. See, right now, you're just standing behind Wade, hovering over him. You're giving him no room to breathe.

Wade Philips: No. I don't mind. He can do what he wants. He's the owner, after all.

You really don't mind it when Jerry hovers over you on the sidelines?

WP: Well, that's just Jerry's way of saying, "I am here to support my team."

JJ: Actually, that's my way of saying, "I'm looking for the first possible excuse to hire Jason Garrett."

Okay, so we've touched on one of the elephants in the room. Jason, do you really think it's helpful that Wade is just a sitting duck until Jerry deems you ready to coach?

Jason Garrett: I don't feel that way at all.

Jason, the business card you gave me says "Jason Garrett-Future Head Coach of Dallas Cowboys".

JG: A man has to have dreams, doesn't he?

Okay, moving on. Now Marion, do you have...Tony, I said no cell phones.

Tony Romo: Jessica needs my help, though. She keeps texting me. She's buying new towels and she doesn't know if they would be in the Bed section, the Bath section, or the Beyond section.

This is one of our problems. There are too many distractions here, people. Like Jerry's comments about Marion this week. Was that really necessary?

JJ: I fire up my players any way I can. Sometimes, I have to question the toughness of my running back, even though he is arguably one of the toughest guys in the league.

Marion Barber: I have no problems with what Mr. Jones said.

Seriously? He questioned your manhood. How does that not bother you?

MB: Listen. This guy fired Jimmy Johnson after he won back-to-back Super Bowls. I have no problems with what he said.

Fair enough. The last thing we need to address is the latest Ed Werder report about TO being upset with Tony and Jason.

TO: You know, Ed sort of embellished some of the facts. I'm not that upset, I just thought that...Jason, what's that on your wrist?

Jason Witten: What's what?

TO: What's on your wrist?

JW: Oh, just a silly necklace that my sons made for me.

TO: Can I see it?

JW: No.

TO: Is that because it's actually a friendship bracelet that Tony made for you?

JW: No.

TO: Tony's wearing the same exact type of bracelet right now.

JW: Um...my sons made Uncle Tony a bracelet, too.

TO: That's it. I'm calling Drew.

Don't call Drew, Terrell.

TO: I'm calling Drew.

TR: (answering phone) Hi honey. No, Barnes and Noble is one store. I know it has an "and" in it. I'm 100 percent sure that Barnes and Noble is one store.

JW: Wade, are you going to do something about this?

JG: Wade left.

JW: Where'd he go?

JG: Oh, Jerry just took him out to the back woods about five miles in where nobody could hear them.

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I didn't see Wade for the rest of the day. My only assumption is that him and Jerry went off to have a heart to heart and decided to make their own friendship bracelets. But one thing is for sure: This team is focused on one thing right now and one thing only:

Winning.

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