Tough Times? These Bowl Games Are Just What the Doc Ordered.

Joe OneillCorrespondent IIDecember 12, 2008

Back in the day, there were four bowls: The Orange Bowl, The Rose Bowl, The Sugar Bowl, and the Cotton Bowl.

That was it. Every game was played on January 1st— no exceptions. If you weren't good enough to get in a bowl game then tough!

We've got 27 bowl games now. Shoot, everyone can make it to a bowl these days (including Notre Dame). We've got the BCS Championship played on January 8th! Pretty soon, it's going to be in April.

Since the NCAA sold its soul and decided to include half the Division-I programs in some kind of bowl and sold the naming rights to every one of them, here are some bowl games I'd like to see:

The Bankrupt Bowl: Sponsored by GM, Ford, and Chrysler. Tickets will be half price since you'll need to the other half to pay for gas in one of their SUV's.

The Sucker Bowl: Sponsored by AIG and Citicorp. The novelty to this bowl would be that you pay for your ticket but a game is never played...yet you never receive a refund. Strange?

The David Beckham Bowl: Sponsored by David Beckham. You'd get a promise of Oklahoma - Florida but then some male models would get dressed up and throw the football around. Apparently, you'd be entertained by this.

The Adjustable Rate Mortgage Bowl: Sponsored by Alan Greenspan. The beauty to this bowl is that you're promised a ticket price, go to your seat, then demanded to pay ten times the amount of your ticket when the game is about to start. When you can't pay, you're thrown out and your car is repossessed. Homeowners everywhere should be used to this business model by now.

The University of Washington Bowl: Sponsored by the University of Washington. The first PAC 10 team in history to go 0-12. At this rate, the only way they'll see their name on a bowl in the next 20 years is to have one named after them.

The Republican Bowl: Sponsored by Republicans everywhere. Republicans would run the entire show. So, the game would start late, concessions wouldn't be available, the teams would be awful, the lights wouldn't work, the game would go way over budget, and traffic would be a mess. Then they'd sneak out before the start of the fourth quarter leaving everyone to fend for themselves and swear none of it was their fault.

The Damn-Its-Hot Bowl: Sponsored by Global Warming. We could hold it in southern California with their draughts and wild fires. Stadium would be doused in flame retardant. Halftime commentary would be from Al Gore who would just sit there with a smirk repeating “I told you so, I told you so.”

Those are just some ideas on how to spice up the bowl season. What would another 5-6 bowl games really matter? After all, with the unemployment rate where it's at, there are going to be a lot of people with time on their hands to watch football.