Tyler Hansbrough's Alter Ego Is...Tim Tebow
I was watching the SEC Championship game in a glorious day of college football. As I, like many people in the country, stood in awe of Tim Tebow's decimation of the Alabama Crimson Tide's hopes of a BCS Championship game, I thought, "Where have I seen that guy before?"
As Tebow ran for 57 yards, passed for 216, and worked up musical compositions for the band during commercials, I could not help but think it all felt too familiar.
After downing a few too many rum-and-cokes, I was hit with an epiphany.
Sure, you might think that the most amazing thing about Tebow's season is how he has seemingly been under the radar all year—a superhuman feat for a guy who won the Heisman.
You might think I was recalling Tebow's amazing feats of strength from previous seasons, or his storied (and video documented) high school career.
But then it hit me. Tim Tebow's game reminds me of someone else.
First, there's the obvious: Has anyone ever seen Tyler Hansbrough and Tim Tebow in the same place at the same time? This season, Tyler's had a "nagging injury" which forced him to sit out some games—possible because he needed to be at a football game, maybe?
And then what about all those "shoulder injuries" of Tebow's...a perfect excuse to miss practice for a weekday game in Chapel Hill. But that's an easy clue. Let's dig a little deeper.
Exhibit A: The Programs and Conferences
Tebow came to Florida, a team with a storied history in a premium football conference, where the home teams have fan sections that would intimidate a Raiders fan.
Tyler Hansbrough plays for North Carolina in the ACC, where the Tar Heels have to play Duke twice for no reason whatsoever, except the fact you have to satisfy the masses' need for bloodshed—and gladiator battles are no longer legal.
Exhibit B: The Ladies
Tyler Hansbrough has been seen in a famous picture tossed about the internet with two attractive coeds, while Tim Tebow's internet picture of his girlfriend made her more famous than Stuart Scott. Sorry, Stewart. Boo-yah.
Exhibit C: The Awards
Tyler will probably become the first player in UNC history to earn All-American honors all four years. Tebow is the first underclassmen to win the Heisman and might win it three times before it's all done. Coincidence? Unlikely.
Maybe "Tyler Tebow" should get a little better at not attracting all this attention. All that's left is for Hansbrough to win a national title at UNC, and it will all fall neatly together.
Exhibit D: The Power
Unlike most quarterbacks, Tim Tebow's "QB Slide" is lowering his shoulder and knocking linebackers nine yards upfield. Tyler Hansbrough's layups involve running as hard as he can directly to the hoop and knocking point guards into the tenth row.
Really, in both cases, those guys should just get out of the way. A person can only lose so many teeth.
Exhibit E: No Pro Game
All I ever hear about Tyler Hansbrough is his unbelievable will to win, his ability to hit all kinds of shots, his never taking a play off, and his tireless work ethic to get even better.
All I ever hear about Tebow is that he can beat teams with his arm, he can beat teams with his legs, and he can beat teams with his little pinkie.
But I also hear that neither he nor Hansbrough have a snowball's chance in hell of getting drafted or playing a single second in any pro game of any kind. I think it's quite possible that if Tyler and Tim are not the same person, they might have the same horribly bad PR person.
Conclusion: It seems obvious that there's plenty of evidence to support the idea Tebow and Hansbrough are one and the same. However, I also recall that Superman wouldn't participate in sports because it wouldn't be fair to everyone else...but I wonder if that applies to Superman's kids.
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