I have a couple special guests in my viewing room tonight, so I'll be sure to keep you updated with any comments.
WWE Tag Team Titles
Air Boom vs. Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler
Vickie personally introduces her team in an effort to get the crowd amped up for this somewhat poorly promoted event.
Dolph and Kofi start with some basic stuff and Kingston shows off how high he can jump before hitting a monkey flip out of the corner for two. Bourne comes in with a dropkick for two so Dolph tags out but Jack fares no better as he gets double teamed in the babyface corner and takes a double dropkick in the corner for a near fall.
Double facebuster hits but Swagger catches Kofi coming off the top and hits a powerslam for two. He tags in Ziggler who hits a dropkick and works a shoulderlock for a little break. Swagger comes in and hooks a chinlock but Kofi quickly fights out and gets the hot tag to Bourne. Evan cleans up on the heels and nails Swagger with a back kick for two while Vickie yells at the crowd.
Bourne aborts an Air Bourne attempt when Dolph interferes but Evan gets rid of Ziggler and tries again. This time though Jack gets his knees up and Dolph gets a near fall. Surprise rollup gets two and Dolph explodes with a clothesline and now Bourne gets to play face-in-peril.
Swagger gets his running pump slam for two and tries for the ankle lock but Bourne dumps his through the power of TREMENDOUS leg strength. I always hated that spot. Dolph occupies the referee (he is the 99 percent) to prevent a tag and hits a neckbreaker. Swagger checks in with a body slam but Bourne gets his knees on another pump splash attempt and gets the hot tag to Kofi.
Kingston kicks the hell out of Dolph and gets rid of Swagger then FLIES on a high cross body for a two count. Dolph really sold the hell out of that one. Boom Drop hits and Kofi looks to finish but Dolph dodges, forcing Kofi to hit the SOS for two, saved by Swagger. Swagger hooks the ankle lock but Bourne breaks it up with a double knee press from the top. Dolph tries for a cheap win with a tight-assisted rollup but Kingston hits him with Trouble in Paradise and Bourne adds Air Bourne for the pin.
Winners and STILL Champions: Air Boom
—A well-worked match, but the heat segment didn't really work for me. Dolph is improving every single day but Jack Swagger just bores the heck out of me every single time he's on-screen. ***
United States Title
Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder
Ryder enters immediately after the previous match ends and hammers away in the corner. Hard Long Island whip to the corner gets two but Ziggler recovers with a neckbreaker. Clothesline from Ryder causes Ziggler to take a powder but Air Boom politely deposits him back inside. The referee, however, sends Air Boom back to the locker room for their blatant interference.
Ryder responds with a flapjack for two but whiffs on a cross body attempt and hits the ropes for the double KO. Ziggler hits an elbowdrop for two and hits the chinlock then adds another elbow for two. Stinger splash hits but he misses a second, allowing Ryder to try the Woo Woo Woo Kick, which misses as well.
Dolph hits a Fameasser for a near fall (to zero pop) but hits knees on a blind charge and the Woo Woo Woo Kick hits this time. Swagger interferes when Ryder looks for the Ruff Ryder, allowing Dolph to recover and smack him with a superkick for the win.
Winner and STILL Champion: Dolph Ziggler
—Wait...a superkick for a finisher? SOMEONE CALL SHAWN! Match was nothing special but that's fine considering Dolph had to wrestle back-to-back. Ryder shouldn't be booking his hotel at WrestleMania just yet though. **
—Meanwhile, HHH and CM Punk have a pow-wow about their match tonight...nothing really of note here.
Beth Phoenix vs. Eve
The evil heels attacked the virtuous Kelly Kelly before the event but thank God that Eve was able to chase them off with her horrible worked punches.
Beth powers her to the top rope while the crew watching the show prays for a wardrobe malfunction. Eve comes off the top with an UGLY sunset flip for two but Beth floors her for a near fall. Eve grabs a top wristlock and hits an enzuigiri, causing Beth to fall against the ropes. In a weird spot, Eve ties Beth's hands to the middle rope with her own outfit. The live crowd had absolutely no idea what occurred there and neither did we.
Beth rolls to the outside and drags Eve out before dropping her neck-first on the crowd barrier. Back inside, Eve walks into a standing gutbuster for two and Beth works a body scissors. However, Beth makes the mistake of trash talking and Eve fights out and hits a flipping senton for two. This match is way too long.
Beth gets caught with an elbow and Eve jumps on her back, hooking a weird-looking submission hold, forcing Beth to fight to the ropes. Eve gets sent to the corner and Beth tries the Glam Slam but Eve flips out and rolls Phoenix up for two. Eve gets a flash kick but goes splat on a moonsault (which would have missed by 10 feet anyways) and Beth hits the Glam Slam for the win.
Winner and STILL Champion: Beth Phoenix
—Way too long for what they were trying to do because, um wait...NO ONE cares about the Divas. Eve is still sloppy and Beth sometimes looks dumb selling her weak offense. *3/4
—Promo for the Shawn vs. Bret DVD set...this thing looks AWESOME.
Christian vs. Sheamus
Christian tries to slug away but fails miserably as he gets pounded down. Sheamus stomps away in the corner and lifts Christian to the apron so he can hammer away some more. Delayed vertical suplex gets two but Christian catches him with his head down and hits a swinging neckbreaker. You like neckbreakers? Here, have another one. That must be our Official Move of the Night.
Sheamus recovers and hammers away in the corner but whiffs on a charge and hits post, allowing Christian to take control. He drops Sheamus over the middle rope and hits an elbow off the turnbuckles then heads back up for a second-rope missile dropkick. Christian heads back to the top for a third time but goes splat on a splash attempt and that triggers Sheamus's comeback.
Sheamus hammers away and hits a blockbuster slam but Christian low-bridges him by the ropes and sends him to the floor. Sheamus quickly recovers with a slingshot shoulderblock but Christian sticks and moves for a reverse DDT and a near fall.
Christian runs away to escape a Razor's Edge attempt but he gets slugged down for two. They exchange counters but Christian makes the mistake of leaping off the top and Sheamus catches him with the Irish Curse for two.
Sheamus looks for the Brogue Kick but Christian pops up with a spear for two. Sheamus puts him down with a knee lift but gets caught on the top rope and Christian brings him down with a hurricanrana. Captain Charisma looks for the spear again but Sheamus sees it coming and hits a Brogue Kick for the win in a finish you could see coming a mile away.
—Again, another average match that was fine but didn't break any new ground, advance anything or anyone, or get the live crowd amped. Not exactly worth the cash so far. **1/2
—Meanwhile, R-Truth and Miz argue over who sucks up to management better. Truth makes a point to let everyone know the state of Texas sucks.
Awesome Truth vs. CM Punk & Triple H
Punk starts with Miz and kicks away so Triple H tags in but Miz runs for his life and brings in Truth. Hunter works slow after a shoulderblock, slugging Truth down after he does a split and running him into Punk's knee. Suplex gets two for Punk and Truth dives for a tag but Miz fares no better and the faces take care of him with a double suplex.
Triple H goes low with a chop block and hooks the figure four (a little early for that, no?) and Punk grabs his arms for extra leverage. What's up with them using a definite heel spot? Punk and Hunter are smarter than that.
Punk comes in for his own double team submission hold but Truth manages to get a cheap shot and they stomp away. Truth hooks a headlock but Punk suplexes out and gets the hot tag to Triple H. I really like how Miz is running around with no ill effects after being hooked in a crippling figure four for about three minutes.
Hunter clotheslines the heels to the outside and beats them down but Truth hits a dropkick and Hunter becomes the face-in-peril in the heel corner. There have been a strange amount of one-counts in this match so far, it's kind of weird to see.
Truth hits HHH with a corkscrew elbow and Miz adds a kneelift for two. He works a chinlock for some spot-calling then hits his backbreaker-neckbreaker combo for two. Truth checks in and works a head scissors but Hunter lifts him up and hits an electric chair drop for the double KO.
Hunter catches Miz running in with a clothesline and plants Truth with a DDT, allowing him to the get the hot tag to CM Punk. Punk throws kicks at everyone and bulldogs Truth with he clotheslines Miz at the same time in a nice spot. Hunter tosses Punk into the first row while Punk hits the MACHO MAN ELBOW and looks to finish.
Out of nowhere, Kevin Nash returns from the crowd and knocks out Hunter, allowing the heels to double team Punk with the Little Jimmy Finale (a combo of both guy's finishers) for the pin.
Winners: Awesome Truth
—Post-match, Kevin Nash beats the hell out of Triple H in the ring and delivers a nasty-looking Jackknife powerbomb. You mean we couldn't get Scott Hall an appearance fee for a one-night assault? Match was, again, pretty good but it didn't feel personal at all. ***1/4
—Meanwhile, Johnny Ace and Alberto Del Rio share a moment.
Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton
Cody tries for a bulldog but gets clotheslined to the floor. Cody quickly recovers and rolls back inside, hitting a reverse suplex and dropping a knee from the second rope. Hey, remember when they thought this could main event a WrestleMania? Nah, didn't think so.
Rhodes floors Orton for two and hits the chinlock but Orton suplexes out for a brief reprieve. Note to WWE: I really don't care what's trending on Twitter right now. Please stop showing updates. This match is very boring so far, in case you hadn't noticed. Rhodes goes all 1986 on Orton and hooks a Boston crab but Randy rolls it over and kicks his way out.
Rhodes whiffs on a blind charge and gets rolled up for two but Orton walks into the Alabama Slam for two. You can see the booking coming a mile away here: They'll have Rhodes take the majority off the offense to "make him look good" then Orton will hit an RKO out of nowhere and that's it. Mark my words.
Rhodes heads up top and splats on a moonsault, allowing Orton to make his babyface comeback. Cody tries to come off the top but gets caught with a dropkick as the live crowd is popping for NOTHING. Disaster kick hits for Cody and he gets two but Randy hits his reverse backbreaker for two.
Gutwrench powerbomb gets two for Orton and he stomps away but Cody catches him with a counter and hits Randy with the elusive moonsault for two. He misses a kneedrop off the second rope though and Orton gets distracted by one of Cody's "bag people" at ringside. Cody hits Cross Rhodes but Orton kicks out at two, all but guaranteeing our finish.
Rhodes looks for an RKO but that's not a good idea as Randy hits him with a dropkick and the draping DDT. Another bag person gets on the apron but Orton launches Rhodes into him and hits an RKO for the win.
Winner: Randy Orton
—Had a couple of good spots but it just felt like an extended Raw match as the crowd was dead and no one gave Cody any chance of winning. This show is extremely disappointing so far. **3/4
World Heavyweight Title
Mark Henry vs. Big Show
I have one request and one question: First, please God let this be quick. Second, what is with Big Show's wool cap look all of a sudden? Who does he think he is, Gavin McGraw?
Big Show hammers away in the corner, causing Henry to roll to the outside. Show brings him back in the ring the hard way and Show hits a "superkick" causing Henry to powder out yet again. Wow, we're off to a frantic pace here...I have to catch my breath.
Henry tries to take a walk with the title but Show stops him and tosses him back inside. Henry goes low with a chop block and slams him (which the announcers sell like death). Henry goes to work on Show's injured leg and works a leg lock for what feels like 10 MINUTES. Finally they break and Show tries a body slam but Henry is too fat and falls on top for two. Forgive me if I'm making this sound like it's at all entertaining or thrilling in any way, shape, or form.
Since we've done about four offensive moves, these guys definitely need a break so they clothesline each other for a double KO spot. They have a slugfest, won by Big Show, and he hits Henry with the LAZIEST SHOULDERBLOCK EVER and looks to finish. Chokeslam hits but Henry kicks out at two because this match will...not...end. Show preps the KO Punch but Henry kicks him in the gut and hits the World's Fattest Slam for two.
Henry stalls for a while and then tries to head up top but Big Show meets him there and tosses Henry off with a chokeslam for two. After some more stalling, they repeat the spot but just switch roles as Henry stops Big Show climbing and brings him off with a superplex...and the ring collapses.
OK, I'll probably get hate mail for this one but can we really give them credit for this spot when they did the EXACT SAME THING only eight years ago with Big Show and Brock Lesnar? I mean, in the age of YouTube when stuff like that spreads immediately and fans share it on message boards constantly, people have already seen this stuff. Oh, and also: HOW are either of them hurt? Henry fell backward from the second rope and that's enough to make him require a stretcher? Get out of here.
—The match was absolutely brutal, slow, and boring as hell. New fans will praise this spot as something special but I've seen it already so it didn't impress me much. Call it a DUD for the match, a * for the spot, then deduct 1/2* for it being a repeat with one of the same guys involved. That means this match was a 1/2* match and I think that's being generous.
—Johnny Ace promises that the main event will go on no matter the shape of the ring.
WWE World Title
Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena
Well, the ring is still collapsed from the previous match, meaning there are no turnbuckles and the ropes are too loose to do anything, so I'm not quite sure what this is going to be.
Ricardo Rodriguez attacks at the bell, allowing Del Rio to take over with a suplex and a boot to the face. We head to the outside (rather easily since there are no ropes) and Del Rio sends Cena into the ring post for our first count of the night. An awful kick puts Cena down but he comes back with a body slam and drops and elbow mistakenly on top of Del Rio's head (ouch).
Del Rio recovers and kicks Cena down before delivering a dropkick to the head for a 5-count. A trio of back suplexes puts Cena down for six but he springs up with a clothesline for a double KO spot. Cena looks for the AA but Del Rio hits him with the Back Stabber instead for another count. Del Rio suplexes him twice but Cena blocks the third one and both guys are down.
Cena makes his SOS Comeback (sans ropes off course) but Del Rio turns the Attitude Adjustment to a german suplex for a five count. Cena hits Del Rio with a gutwrench suplex as the crowd is starting to lose patience with this gimmicky match and the weird ring setting.
Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker puts Cena down and he sticks Cena underneath one of the collapsed ring posts. He double stomps the ring post to drive it into Cena's chest for a count but SuperCena pops up and hits an Attitude Adjustment for the double KO and a double count. Both guys are up at eight, and Cena looks for another AA but Ricardo sacrifices himself to save Del Rio.
Alberto takes a different approach and hooks a rear naked choke, which ends MMA matches in about five seconds but Cena is able to survive for a whole minute. Cena makes it up at eight and shoves Del Rio to where the ropes would usually be but, since they are gone, Del Rio goes flying and hits the ring barrier. Del Rio manages to counter Cena though and tosses him into the ring steps.
Cena gets rid of Rodriguez by crotching him on a collapsed ring post and then drives Del Rio's face into it with a drop toe hold. When Del Rio hit, he launched the post up, creating a see-saw that hit Ricardo's balls...there you go.
Cena tries to toss the ring steps at Del Rio but misses and Alberto introduces his face to the steps. Del Rio hits him with the other half of the steps and puts him down to eight but JEEEEEEEEEEOOOOHN CENA WILL NOT DIE as he brawls with Del Rio to the backstage area. I bet the live crowd is really happy they paid $100 for a seat for this and they have to watch the main event on a television screen.
Cena tries to push a large equipment container on Del Rio but Alberto scoots out of the way and slams Cena on top of the box. They head over the interview area and Del Rio pushes several metal set structures on top of Cena for an eight-count.
Cena somehow manages to fight from underneath the pile of screen doors and the fight back to the entrance area where Cena slugs away. Ricardo returns for some more interference and Del Rio tosses Cena through the balsa wood "V" from the Vengeance set.
Del Rio puts Cena on a table and climbs the set structure but Cena hops off and pulls Del Rio down through the table for a close nine-count. They brawl through the crowd and tumble back to ringside where Del Rio tosses John over the announce table and into the five-time WCW champion.
Del Rio preps the Spanish announce table but Cena recovers and tosses him into the ring barrier and KOs Ricardo with a clothesline. Del Rio tries a enzuigiri but hits the ring post and injures his ankle. Cena sets up the ring steps next the announce table and delivers an Attitude Adjustment through the table.
Before the referee can count though, Awesome Truth attack from the locker room and deliver a Skull Crushing Finale along with the What's Up finisher. Del Rio gets up and Cena struggles to his feet at 9.5, but Alberto clocks him with the title belt. This time, there's no getting up for Mr. Cena and Alberto keeps the world title.
Winner and STILL Champion: Alberto Del Rio
—A decent garbage brawl but it still felt weird without blood or a legitimate ring to take place in. They are also quickly turning Alberto Del Rio into Honky Tonk Man 2011 with all the goofy finishers and non-clean finishes. The match was entertaining and fine but I expected a little more from Cena with the quality of the show on the line. ***1/2
Even though the main event was pretty good, this was a pretty bad PPV effort overall. The matches on the undercard felt like they belonged on Raw, CM Punk and HHH's match was treated like an Hour 1 SmackDown main event and didn't advance the storyline at all (no, I don't count Kevin Nash).
The rest of it was just boring or repetitive. This was definitely not worth the $50 and I hope a whole lot of you didn't pay it. This creative team needs a kick in the ass immediately or this PPV business is going to be deader than the XFL.