Crystal Balling the Crystal Trophy: The Hogs in 2014

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Crystal Balling the Crystal Trophy: The Hogs in 2014

Unlike the last two years, the big bowl announcement show on ESPN last night didn’t include our Hogs in the line-up of 1,001 bowl games.

But that is no reason why we can’t play out some future games in our imagination for the years ahead.

Sugar Bowl dreams, do they not dance in our heads?

Fast forwarding the imagination through some better seasons in the near future, I want to turn to 2014, the year Arkansas wins the national championship at the Rose Bowl.

A Mayan calendar recently discovered in the basement of the Broyles Complex amongst some of Frank’s old stuff points out that national championships in basketball and football for Arkansas come mysteriously only in years ending in the number four: 1964, 1994.

Archaeologists and sportsologists at the U of A are still trying to figure out what happened in ‘74, ‘84, and ‘04.

For fun, I’ve taken three major BCS conferences and provided each with my ideal match-up that results in a national championship for Arkansas in 2014. Only the long gone Mayans know which one it will actually be.

 

BIG 12

There’s really no other team to consider here other than Texas. After the Hogs win the game 15-14, of course, the surviving members of the ‘69 squad and the victorious members of the 2014 squad eat a big steak dinner together, turn eastward, and toast the state of Arkansas.

And just like that, a big cloud of defeat lifts from the skies over Arkansas.

Flowers bloom in our endzones in both Fayetteville and Little Rock, literacy rates go up, poverty rates go down, and Frank Broyles goes to sleep with a smile on his face to never awaken again.

At the state funeral held at the capitol, even Houston Nutt is welcomed back and then claims he really, really, really, did always like the Hogs and still loves the helmet even though he is a Snipe now, coaching the Central Valley East Junior College “Fighting Snipes!” (co-division champions of 2012).

 

PAC-10

Frankly, I don’t know anything about any other Pac-10 team except USC. Are there really any other teams in that conference? Yeah—the one that always inexplicably ends up beating USC must be in the Pac-10.

But I will go with Arkansas beating USC in a beat down to the tune of 73 to 14 in the Rose Bowl—some good payback for the last time we met in Los Angeles. Hog fans everywhere have a good laugh when Pete Carroll says after the game, “You know, they just score so fast, it really messes you up.”

 

BIG EAST

Arkansas’ two mascots, the Hog and the Cardinal, face-off against one another when Arkansas faces Petrino’s old team, the Louisville Cardinals. Yes, Petrino is still coaching the Hogs, to the amazement of ESPN.

Dubbed the “Hillbilly Bowl” by snobbish LA sportswriters, this national championship game is personal for the Cardinals, as they still have a McCoy type grudge against Petrino. But Mr. Shark Eyes himself isn’t phased at all, and puts up half a hundred on his old team in a route.

Memorable moment—the U of A tracks down a descendant of Hugo Bezdek living in Prague to be an honorary captain for the game. Thanks to his ancestor, we are some wild Razorback Hogs this night in Pasadena.

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