Funny Footballers: Soccer Quotes to Make Your Head Need Scratching

Jordon TefftCorrespondent IDecember 7, 2008

On another night, they'd have won 2-2.

Ron Atkinson



Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's—movement and positioning.

Ron Atkinson again



I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.

Eric Morecambe

~~Imagine that for a game. "Ronaldo is stepping up to take the free-kick, AND THE BALL SWEEPS HIS LEGS OUT! The ref is coming over. Certainly there'll be a card. Yes, yes, red it is. The ball has been sent off!"


If it had gone in, it would have been a goal.

Barry Davies

~~Someone get him a rule book; he has it all wrong!


Thirty minutes to go, and it's still 1-0 apiece.

A commentator



Some people tell me that we professional players are soccer slaves. Well, if this is slavery, give me a life sentence.

Bobby Charlton

~~Me too! PLEASE!


I would not say he [David Ginola] is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better.

Arsene Wenger

~~So he is?


Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.

Ron Atkinson yet again

~~What other way could it go?


An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal.

Dave Bassett

~~My ref didn't believe it.


For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip.

John Motson

~~Oh, I see now. Thank you!


I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.

Mark Draper

~~They are at the top of Series Z. Who wouldn't!? 


Once Tony Daley opens his legs, you've got a problem.

Howard Wilkinson

~~Thank you for this bit of information. My daughter will NOT be watching (if I had one)!


I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.

Mark Viduka

~~Um... How does that work?


My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7.

David Beckham

~~The first few years aren't interesting, anyway.


Sometimes in football you have to score goals.

Thierry Henry that's why they put those thingies on the end of the field. I got it now!


If you can't stand the heat in the dressing room, get out of the kitchen.

Kevin Keegan

~~I am out the kitchen, I just want some AC in the dressing room already!


It wasn't going to be our day on the night.

Bryan Robson

~~That is why we call it night, sir.


The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: If it moves, kick it. If it doesn't move, kick it until it does.

Phil Woosnam

~~I live by this. Ask my dog. (Note: I do not kick my dog.)


In football, everything is complicated by the presence of the opposite team.

Jean-Paul Sartre

~~I know, right!? Freaking keepers blocking my shot. Who do he think he is!?


I'm sure sex wouldn't be so rewarding as this World Cup. It's not that sex isn't good but the World Cup is every four years and sex is not.


~~I haven't had either in my lifetime. So I'll take either!


Its an incredible rise to stardom. At 17, you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson.

Gordon Strachan referring to Wayne Rooney

~~I have nothing to add...


We'll still be happy if we lose. The game's on at the same time as the Beer Festival.

Noel O'Mahoney

~~That's the spirit!

(Know one I don't have? Add it to the bottom!)


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