Slammy Awards Predictions: Part Two
Since my look back at the first three awards, WWE have announced some more categories for Monday night's Slammy Awards, so let's have a brief look at them...
"OMG" MOMENT OF THE YEAR
- John Cena returns at the Royal Rumble
- Floyd Mayweather, Jr. breaks The Big Show's nose at No Way Out
- CM Punk cashes in Money in the Bank and beats Edge for the World Heavyweight Title
- The Undertaker sends Edge to Hell at SummerSlam
The first and last of these nominees were touched on in my last column, so here, I will concentrate on the other two. At No Way Out, Mayweather made what seemed like just a local appearance to cheer Rey Mysterio on against Edge for the World Heavyweight Title. That changed when The Big Show made his shocking return to the company, and then attacked Mysterio.
Mayweather then hopped the guardrail, and Big Show begged Mayweather to give him his best shot. "Money" did more than just that, with his best KO punch, he broke the giant Show's nose, before running away, in a clip that ESPN would play to death the following week.
This would lead to a match at WrestleMania XXIV, where by that time, Mayweather had turned heel by continually boasting about his money, turning Big Show back face in the process. Mayweather would win that match by using a steel chain to knock Show out again.
After Night of Champions, RAW was left without a World Champion—in fact, you could argue that either Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston or Women's Champion Mickie James was now the most important champion on the brand.
That changed the following night, when Edge showed up to ruin Jim Ross' farewell to RAW, and proclaiming that he'd never return to RAW again, and therefore RAW would never have a world champion again. Batista then showed up and destroyed the Rated R Superstar, leading to the magic moment where CM Punk would take a trick from Edge's book and use his Money in the Bank shot when the champion was down.
One GTS later, and Punk was the new World Heavyweight Champion in what was probably the best moment on RAW this year.
As for the winner, I'd go with Cena's return at the Rumble. With the other three, you sensed something along those lines would happen. Mayweather's presence in the front row smelt "angle," we know RAW wouldn't be without a world title for long, and you knew something massive would end the Taker/Edge feud.
Nobody saw Cena's return coming, as we all thought he would be out for another eight months, and for me, that qualifies as the most shocking moment of the year.
"DAMN!" MOMENT OF THE YEAR
- CM Punk disguises himself as a member of a mariachi band to attack Chavo Guerrero - ECW, January 29th
- Jim Ross dresses up in a sailor suit for Hallowe'en - SmackDown, October 31st
- The Great Khali hosts the Kiss Cam - SmackDown, every week
- Santino Marella attempts Melina's entrance - RAW, December 1st
First up, we had a fun moment as Chavo Guerrero, celebrating his ECW Title win over CM Punk the week before, got attacked by Punk, who was disguised as the leader of Chavo's mariachi band, complete with big sombrero and a false moustache. To see the Straight Edge Superstar looking ridiculous like that was very funny, but he wasn't as ridiculous as Chavo laid out in the ring.
Next, we have Good Ol' JR's homage to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man on SmackDown's Hallowe'en special. The show took place in San Diego, and since Teddy Long had first dibs on Ron Burgundy, JR was left with San Diego's other past-time - the navy. Whether he'd have actually passed the test to join is another matter.
In recent weeks, The Great Khali has gone from the Punjabi Nightmare to the Punjabi Playboy, as he's gone all Mike Awesome, and taken a liking to the odd plump girl or two. Since being told he wasn't entertaining by Johnny Knoxville, Khali has tried to prove that he can make a crowd laugh, whilst still destroying opponents at the same time.
A lot of that has to do with Ranjin Singh, whose mic work to "translate" Khali has been quite hilarious. My favourite of Khali's Kiss Cams was in Manchester, when instead of kissing the fat girl himself, he made MVP do it. Amazing.
My winner, however, happened just this past Monday night. Reckoning that Melina wasn't all that impressive, Santino Marella declared that he could do her famous entrance to the ring himself. Seeing as that involves doing the splits on the ring apron, that was enough of a difficult task—for a normal woman.
Santino, like most men, has something else between his legs, and they proved his undoing, as he got both his legs on the apron, pulled his groin, and fell off the apron, clutching his manhood in agony. Poor Beth Phoenix may have to look elsewhere if she wants children.
So I'm going with Santino's busted balls—it's the only award he'll win, and it's one he certainly doesn't want.
TAG TEAM OF THE YEAR
- John Morrison and The Miz
- Cryme Tyme
- Carlito and Primo
This is hardly worth writing War and Peace about—clearly, there is only one winner here, and if the Academy of Wrestling Arts and Sciences (whoever they are) think that Cryme Tyme is winning this, then they are fools—damn hell ass fools.
Even the village idiot can see that John Morrison and The Miz are the winners of this award - heck, you could argue they're the tag team division by themselves! Notice how they're the only team who wrestle on all three shows—they're needed to get the other teams over, because they can't do it by themselves.
And the In Crowd's best matches this year have either been against makeshift teams, or teams that have reunited for one night only, such as the Hardyz or D-Generation X. Plus the duo's Dirt Sheet is the best thing on WWE.com this side of Mickie James pictures.
Priceless have only been together for half the year, and Ted DiBiase's currently out with a kayfabe concussion.
Carlito and Primo, despite being brothers, have only teamed for the past couple of months, and have already jobbed on TV to Miz and Morrison, and Cryme Tyme, whilst being a solid team, only returned to the company in March, and have been near title contention, but have never made that break through.
Plus Miz and Morrison held the WWE Tag Team Titles for the majority of the year, and look destined to win the World Tag Team Titles soon. A total no-brainer.
BEST FINISHING MANEUVER
- RKO - Randy Orton
- Hell's Gate - The Undertaker
- Knockout Punch - The Big Show
- Shooting Star Press - Evan Bourne
To start with, the RKO is the one finishing move, despite being performed by a heel, that can wake up a crowd and get them cheering. It's that sudden, Orton can hit it from anywhere, and it's won him countless big matches over the past several years.
For instance, a lot of people talked up Jeff Hardy's chances at the Royal Rumble, yet with the match seemingly only just getting started, Orton hit the RKO out of nowhere and won the match. It is that good.
Having gone through various name changes, including "that lethal chokehold", WWE finally settled on the name "Hell's Gate" for The Undertaker's gogoplata submission, where he traps his opponent's throat between his shin and forearm, causing internal bleeding. It gained fame when he used it to defeat Edge at both WrestleMania XXIV and Backlash, leading SmackDown General Manager Vickie Guerrero to ban the move.
The ban hasn't been repealed yet, despite Taker using it to defeat The Big Show at Cyber Sunday, so if Hell's Gate wins the award, Vickie will not be impressed in the slightest.
With moves such as the FU, the Pedigree and the Swanton Bomb around, it's a bit surprising to see The Big Show's knockout punch listed, but it really does finish matches. Just look at Show's match against Chris Jericho just before WrestleMania XXIV for proof of this.
Recently, Big Show has used the punch to full effect in his feud with The Undertaker, knocking the Deadman out at both Unforgiven and No Mercy. If anyone can take The Undertaker off his feet for the night, then it's a hell of a move, even if it is the most basic.
Basic is definitely not the word to describe the amazing Shooting Star Press as performed by Evan "Air" Bourne. What's more amazing is that the move is allowed to be performed in WWE rings at all, especially after Brock Lesnar almost killed himself doing it at WrestleMania XIX.
The former Matt Sydal assured Vince McMahon that he could do the move safely, and it's allowed him to become WWE's best newcomer of 2008. Since his arrival, Bourne has formed an alliance with Rey Mysterio, and has taken on the likes of Miz and Morrison, Mark Henry and Kane.
At Cyber Sunday, Bourne challenged Matt Hardy for the ECW Title, and if it wasn't for a missed SSP, he would have won the title. Currently sidelined with an injury, hopefully it won't be long before Bourne SSPs his way to greater heights in 2009. He may already have won this award with it, which will annoy Orton no end.
COUPLE OF THE YEAR
- Edge and Vickie Guerrero
- Finlay and Hornswoggle
- Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix
- William Regal and Layla
Let's start with SmackDown's power couple. Up until July, Edge and Vickie Guerrero were terrorising SmackDown with their "love"... well, mainly Edge's use of Vickie for his benefits. It all built up to the happy couple's wedding on SmackDown in July, where man and wife would live happily ever after.
Well, until Triple H showed up with a DVD, that is. The DVD contained footage of the Rated R Superstar making out with Vickie's wedding planner Alicia Fox, who has since gone on to be the valet for ECW newcomer DJ Gabriel. Vickie hit the roof, going as far as to reinstate The Undertaker to get revenge on her husband, revenge that would cost Edge three months of his career.
However, during his absence, Edge reconciled with Vickie, and they concocted a plan for his return at the Survivor Series, where he was inserted into the Triple H/Vladimir Kozlov match, and would win the WWE Title. The diabolical duo are back together, and back in power. Will their turbulent marriage result in a Slammy?
The next pairing is quite simply disturbing. Finlay and Hornswoggle are meant to be portrayed as father and son, with the son just so happening to be a midget. The SummerSlam commercial, however, put different thoughts into people's minds, where they're seen dancing hand in hand at a country picnic, with the word "romance" on the screen.
I think the term "fatherly love" may mean something different to Finlay than it does to most people. Poor Horny.
Edge and Vickie are awesome, but not as awesome as our next couple, the one and only Glamarella. In July, Santino Marella laid down a challenge to any wrestler in the back, and The Glamazon Beth Phoenix answered the call, and then beat him. The following week, they had another confrontation, and instead of evolving into a big fight, it evolved into a kiss.
Fighting their feelings for one another, Santino and Beth just had to give in at the end, and it paid off, as at SummerSlam, they would both win gold in the same match, as Santino won the Intercontinental Title from Kofi Kingston, and Beth won the Women's Title from Mickie James. Glamarella have had their ups and downs since then, but they're the funniest part of RAW every week, with Beth playing the straight girl to Santino's general lunacy.
Santino likes to do things to please his girl, none of them ending too well, as his Damn! Moment of the Year nomination proves.
Another moment that didn't end too well for Santino was losing his Intercontinental Title to one half of the final couple on the list. Since coming back from his 60 day suspension, William Regal has spent his time making certain people's lives a living hell, most notably Jamie Noble, who had been courting the lovely Layla for weeks.
Instead of going to the Waffle House in a pick up truck with Noble, Layla decided to go to five star restaurants in a limousine with Regal, and the lovely English couple haven't looked back since. On their trip back to their home country, Regal met Santino, and took the Intercontinental Title from him in 30 seconds.
Since then, Regal and Layla have used their influence (and in Layla's case, her shoe on CM Punk) to control the Intercontinental Title tournament, where Layla has been seen trying to get Rey Mysterio removed from the tournament, and will no doubt try and stop the winner of the tournament beating her man for the title.
My vote goes to Edge and Vickie for this award—Glamarella will continue to be screwed for all the positive awards, with Santino winning the aforementioned negative (on his part) Damn! award.
EXTREME MOMENT OF THE YEAR
- Jeff Hardy Swanton Bombs Randy Orton from off the RAW set - RAW, January 14th
- The Undertaker falls off a ladder through several tables, as Edge wins the TLC Match - One Night Stand
- Chris Jericho smashes Shawn Michaels' head through the Obscenely Expensive Jeritron 6000 HD - RAW, June 9th
- JBL throws John Cena off the stage and through a car windshield - The Great American Bash
The first moment was when we all thought Jeff Hardy was groomed for a run with the title. Earlier in the night, Triple H took a sledgehammer to the Titantron, and then with this moment, we all knew that RAW was getting a new set the following week for WWE's move to HD.
Before their match for Orton's WWE Title at the Royal Rumble, they would meet on RAW for Hardy's Intercontinental Title, but the match was thrown out before it properly began. Hardy and Orton continued to fight up the ramp and onto the stage, where Hardy backdropped Orton off the stage.
Hardy would then climb the scaffolding, and would Swanton Bomb Orton from it, resulting in both men being carried off on stretchers. An amazing moment, soured somewhat by Orton winning the resulting match, and Hardy's push being lessened afterwards.
It wasn't just a TLC Match for the vacant World Heavyweight Title at One Night Stand, it was a match that could potentially end The Undertaker's 18 year WWE career. And so it seemed to prove, as after distraction by La Familia, The Undertaker would climb the ladder to grab the World Heavyweight Title, but it allowed enough time for the Rated R Superstar to recover, and push the Deadman off the ladder, sending him crashing through several tables assembled at ringside.
This was too much even for Taker to come back from, as Edge climbed the ladder and won the title, ending Taker's legendary career...until SummerSlam, that was, when Edge's wife Vickie reinstated The Undertaker in revenge for Edge kissing the wedding planner. That comeback may well have cost Taker and Edge this award.
The next moment took WWE's best feud of 2008 in a completely different and awesome direction. For the first couple of months of the Shawn Michaels/Chris Jericho rivalry, the face Intercontinental Champion Jericho was accusing HBK of lying about injuries and other things, whilst Jericho had conflicting issues about trust and doing the right thing.
On the Highlight Reel, things changed, as Y2J, as he would be known for the very last time, snapped and attacked the Heartbreak Kid for lying and getting cheered, whilst Jericho told the truth and was booed.
At the end of the beatdown, Jericho grabbed the back of Michaels' head, and launched him face first through the Obscenely Expensive Jeritron 6000 HD, damaging HBK's eye. It proved the trigger for Jericho's heel turn, and carried on the feud for many months, eventually leading to two World Title reigns for Jericho.
Finally, we have the New York City Parking Lot Brawl at The Great American Bash. After a long fought, and slightly ludicrous brawl, which involved John "Bradshaw" Layfield setting a car on fire with Cena in it, and Cena piercing a car with a forklift with JBL in it, the extreme moment came when the brawl entered the main arena.
Cena had his way with JBL for almost all of it, and the coup-de-grace would surely come with Cena giving JBL an FU off the stage. However, JBL would wriggle his way out of the move, and would shove Cena off the stage and through the windshield of the car JBL was transported into the arena in. This was more than enough for JBL to pick up the win, as even the man his detractors call "Super Cena" couldn't recover from that fall.
All four of those were indeed Extreme, but my pick goes to the Extreme Enigma, as it takes balls to climb that high and do a move as dangerous as the Swanton Bomb with so little room to work with.
That's it for now. When more nominations come in, I'll take a look at them in Part Three, but until then, that's your lot.
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