Joke-Im Noah: The Breakdown

 

I'm not picking on a 7' NBA player. Nah, how can I? He's getting paid millions! And as I stand at 6'1" and probably have no chance of ever reaching his income, I have nothing else to do than go to work.

However, that's not all.

It also grants me permission to talk about my teams. So let's break this guy down. Let’s criticize and poke fun at him because he's on the Bulls. But every once in a while, even I take my hard earned money and pay for a seat at the Bulls' stadium.

So last year, once he became part of the Bulls, it was on. I had good expectations. Maybe like a Rodman-esque hustle, rebounding type of player. Obviously I was wrong. It’s only been a year and a half into his career, but hey there's still a chance…or so I tell myself.

But let’s break this terrible draft pick down.

"Joke-im's" athletic ability on a scale from one to 10? I'd say about a three. Here are three reasons for the three points.

1) He's tall. If I was 6'11” and weighed 230 pounds; I would do this.

2) He has some basketball IQ from playing four years of college ball which helps him get by with fundamentals at times, like making the right pass, or boxing out (a little).

3) He hustles or at least tries to. Most NBA players don't if it’s not the playoffs, so kudos.

Now the other seven reasons for the seven points that he's not athletic enough to play NBA ball:

1) Bad Feet. His footwork is beyond terrible and I am not sure if it’s just his coordination or if this can be worked on but I don't remember Bill Cartwright, who was also goofy and as tall being this uncoordinated...or maybe I do.

2) His shot. Anything outside the paint—eeee! Enough said.

3) His free throw form; Like I said, “Anything outside the paint—eeee! Enough Said.

4) Post up? What post up? No back-to-the-basket moves or face-up moves. Is he even working on developing one? Actually why bother my man? As Stacey King would say, “Play to your strengths...whatever those may be.”

5) His Attitude. I'm not saying he doesn't try, but from arguing with a coach, to his teammates lashing out at him last year, to having to be reminded that he's no longer in college, "Joke-im" talks to much. He clowns too much and did I mention talks to much? He has very little to back it up.

6) Development. I really do wonder if after every game he takes something away. I know everyone isn't Derrick Rose, but you can tell from game to game that Rose actually takes something away from every game possession or situation he is in. I see "Joke-im" making the same fouls, getting caught in no man’s land, and trying the same ineffective things.

7) The Hair. You’re not Samson dude. Lose it.