Greetings and salutations from the Tundra, all!
After a blissful day at work, I settled in with my nightly phone conversation with Momlene (a.k.a. Mom) in order to decompress from my day and tell her the crazy stuff which seems to follow me wherever I go.
You know that commercial for antidepressant medication where the lady has the black cloud over her head wherever she goes? I'm kind of like that, except with a goofy-crazy cloud hanging over mine. And the goofy-crazy cloud seems to also have a beacon that only goofy-crazy people can see, which means that I am surrounded by goofy-crazy people.
Birds of a feather, right?
Anywho, during the course of the conversation with Momlene (a 5'0", 100 pound, die-hard Packers fan, who threatens corporal punishment with every negative Brett Favre comment I have ever made,) it was discussed how superstitious I am in regard to the Green Bay Packers.
You may know the drill. Every single week during football season, you may have your own little routine that you have that you are positive will guarantee a Packer's victory. You may find yourself eating nachos, made with a specific kind of cheese (made in Wisconsin, of course) and the Packers have a huge win. This occurred during the playoffs last year in my household.
Manpig, my husband, decided that he was going to make the most ridiculous nachos ever created. Manpig gave me the list of items needed and sent me on my way. After trudging through the store, hunting for habaneros, in Wisconsin, in January, I was successful in my nachos supply mission. In retrospect, if there was a pepper left in my corner of Wisconsin, it was because Manpig didn't think it was hot enough and didn't put it on the list.
Sometime during the course of the game, Manpig said, "You know, the Packers won because we had tailgating food."
My response? "It didn't have anything to do with skill or talent of the players?"
"Well, that may have had some part of it. But, the football gods are pleased, as they have never seen nachos as fine as this. Thus, a Packers victory."
Yes, that really did happen.
Sometime during the next week, I started to get the "playoff-related anxiety." Would the Packers win against the Bears? Could they go to the Super Bowl? Could they win the Super Bowl? Could I physically and mentally handle a loss?
And it was sometime during this mental conversation that the thought entered my head that the nachos MAY have played a part in it. I mean, the football gods have to appreciate Manpig's culinary skills right? The Packers deserved a win, right?
It was time to shop, my friends.
Upon entering the grocery store, I noticed that they were out of the cheese that I had purchased the previous week. Fear began to fill my soul! I began to believe I was having a panic attack in the cheese aisle. However, my anxiety was reduced when I realized, "GO TO THE OTHER STORE! GO NOW!"
Yup, who would think that a store would run out of cheese in Wisconsin, right? Who would also think that nachos would have such a positive, or negative, effect on the Green Bay Packers? Never fear, though. I located the brand of cheese that was required to make amends to the football gods, while running a stealth mission through my local grocery store.
Imagine this: a nearly 6'0", furry Norwegian woman, RUNNING through the cheese aisle, throwing blocks, in order to complete her grocery list.
Honey, this is Wisconsin.
Even our grocery shopping is a full contact sport, sans padding and helmet. This is a bare knuckle brawl in order to get what you need for the game.
Besides food, some of you may also have an article of clothing that you truly believe is lucky for the Green Bay Packers. Me? I have my lucky Green Bay Packers sweatshirt that I will wear on every single casual Friday despite the fact that it has been about 85 degrees for the past two Fridays.
Manpig? Manpig has an Aaron Rodgers jersey. However, if Manpig is not wearing the jersey one half hour prior to kickoff, he is severely reprimanded and threatened until HE PUTS THE JERSEY ON!
Silence of the Lambs has, "It puts the lotion on its skin." I have, "You will wear Aaron Rodger's jersey, even if it is in the dirty clothes basket and YOU WILL ENJOY IT. I don't care if it smells of wet dog and beer farts. You're wearing it!" Then, "QUIT CRYING! This is for the PACKERS, Manpig. THE PACKERS!"
He, wisely, puts the jersey on. Easy fix, right?
In addition to the "You must wear this article of clothing for the Packers to win" rule, you may also have a no-contact order put in effect, too. For example, my Dad is a Minnesota Vikings fan. If the Packers are playing a late game, I venture forth on Sundays to my elderly grandparents' house in order to make sure that Jiggs and Ethel are still feisty and still hysterically funny. When my Dad, who lives next door to Jiggs and Ethel, grabs his binoculars to see who is down at Jiggs and Ethel's, and sees my car there, he will also venture forth to talk football.
Upon staying his five minutes (the maximum time allowed, as there is always a deal breaker in the conversation that goes something like, "Hey Dad, how are your Vikings doing?" which then leads him to leave, snorting and cursing), Dad will say, "Well, give me a hug then."
"Nope, not gonna happen, buddy. I don't want you to get your bad Vikings ju—ju all over my Packer shirt. We're winning, and we aren't even Charlie Sheen!"
It's about that time that my dear, sweet, Dad howls, "You're adopted anyways!" before making a hasty exit. My response? "You keep on telling me that I look so much like you! You just wait until my beard comes in when I'm 40! Quit telling people I'm adopted!" Great hilarity ensues.
Do you see the level of despair that the Minnesota Vikings have caused my Dad? That he would deny his own child? Jeez...
And then there is the go-to girl (or guy)...You know, the other Packers fan who commiserates with you when the Packers are losing and lifts your spirits when you have a twinge of doubt? The one person that calls you after the Super Bowl and screams, "GET IN THE CAR! WE'RE GOING TO GREEN BAY!"
For me, that would be my home girl, Momlene.
Remember Super Bowl XLV? Remember when the Steelers woke up and remembered, "Hey! We're playing in the Super Bowl? Maybe we ought to make some plays here?" Remember when Ben Roethlisberger led an impressive comeback attempt?
Yeah, I do. My fingers were dialing Momlene in my time of need. "MOM! ARE THE PACKERS GOING TO HOLD ON?!" Mom, who is infinitely patient and wise after being a Packers fan during the 1980's, sighed, "Jackie. Quit calling me. I'm kind of watching the Super Bowl. The Packers are going to win. Are we done? Goodbye."
Two minutes later... "MOM! WHERE'S THE DEFENSE? I CAN'T TAKE THIS!"
"Jackie, why don't you have a beer or something?" Click. Dial tone.
Two seconds later... "MOM! WE GOT DISCONNECTED! WILL THE PACKERS WIN!?"
"That's it. I'm coming over to your house. You may not believe in child abuse, Jacqueline Moen-Kadlec, but I most certainly do."
"Way to be supportive, Mom."
The hyperactive phone calls from her child were forgiven, however, when the Lombardi Trophy was returned back to the green and gold. All was right in the world and continues to be, as long as the Packers are winning. And the phone calls? They continue. Momlene's most recent advice?
"It's not a Green Bay Packers game unless you are sitting on the edge of your seat, yelling at the television."
In closing, yes. SOME Packers fans are superstitious and may have Packers related anxiety and/or Packers related Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. And upon reading this article, you may find a little piece of yourself in the above scenarios. Please know that you are not alone, and the cure is an additional Super Bowl win.
Now, we just need to keep Aaron Rodgers, Clay Matthews, B.J. Raji, Charles Woodson, Donald Driver, Jordy Nelson, Jermichael Finley and/or Tramon Williams off the Madden game cover...