CHAPEL HILL, N.C. – Duke had no problems taking care of North Carolina on the court. But it was an off-the-court situation which ultimately gave UNC the victory.
It turns out that Duke University was in violation of an obscure collegiate rule which limits the number of spoiled rich kids allowed at any given institution.
Duke student, Biff Betternyu, was irate as he shouted from the sunroof of his Mercedes S65 AMG, “It’s not fair to penalize us just because we are wealthier, smarter and better looking than people at other universities.”
Another Duke student, Mia Sospecial, commented between her massage and pedicure, “Like, it’s just like so unfair!”.
The UNC fans were surprised, but welcomed the win. They expressed concern that there would be retaliation from their nearby rivals.
A school official requesting to remain anonymous noted, “The schools are so close together, I’m afraid the Duke students might get riled up and go egg the UNC campus...well, not the Duke students directly, but their personal assistants, maids or butlers. I know those guys don’t like to get their hands dirty.”
Many Duke alumni offered their support to the frustrated current students in the form of words of encouragement, jewelry, stocks, designer clothes and some good old fashioned cold, hard cash.
“We don’t think this rule is fair, and we want the current students to know that they are still superior to everyone else, even if that one win was taken away.”
Only time will tell what impact this decision will have on this long-standing, tradition-rich rivalry. For the present, the mood at Duke remains blue.
By BF Deal, OHOA Sports Writer Thu Feb 7, 12:53 PM ET
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