Rugby World Cup 2011 Quarterfinals: Here's the Stories That Won't Make the News

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Rugby World Cup 2011 Quarterfinals: Here's the Stories That Won't Make the News
Hannah Johnston/Getty Images

Just before you get sick of reading reviews of the quarterfinals and start reading previews of the semis, here's a list of unfeasible murmurings that definitely won't make the newspapers.

(1) After the Welsh performance against Ireland (with plenty of free-flowing rugby) the IRB have launched an enquiry to confirm if Wales (as in the country) is actually located in the Northern Hemisphere.

(2) Warren Gatland (the New Zealand born Welsh coach) would be nuts to change jobs before 2015. The young Welsh team has proved they're the one to keep an eye on over the next few years.

(3) Ireland, Scotland, England and a bunch of European club teams have already booked their sessions at the deep-freeze cryogenic centre in Poland.

(4) Wales coach Warren Gatland is considering retiring, as the value of his shares in the deep-freeze cryogenic centre in Poland skyrocket.

(5) Irish eyes aren't smiling.

(6) A week is a long time in politics. Especially in regards to the politics that were at play with the French rugby team.

(7) English wingers keep dropping the ball. The quarterfinals are far too late for the English to start pushing the ball wide. Their wingers just can't handle the pressure.

(8) England says that was a different French team to the one that played last week. The French respond that it's the English who are the different team, "they were just a lot easier to beat than the Tongans."

David Rogers/Getty Images

(9) England have one player of Samoan descent. Maybe they now need to find some players of Tongan extraction?

(10) France still searching for one of their signature, spectacular tries. A score that will be called the try from the end of the World Cup

(11) Treasury confirms England's loss will cost economy $2 million—that's just the player's bar tab.

(12) Cory Jane went on the booze to take the spotlight off his teammate, Colin Slade.

(13) After reviewing the Samoa game, Manchester United has confirmed their interest in Springbok flanker Heinrich Brussow. Alex Ferguson considers him a perfect fall guy for Wayne Rooney's penalty kicks

(14) If you're ever on a sinking ship or crashing plane, just hope there's some Wallabies nearby. They can survive anything!

(15) The Springboks have got a new name: Santaboks. They must be seriously regretting gifting that first try to the Aussies.

(16) Australia Rugby Union confirms that the Wallabies coach is Robbie Deans and not Ronnie Biggs. Springboks incensed, as they feel robbed.

(17) Harry Houdini is reviewing the Australia Springboks game. He just can't work out how the Aussies got out of that one.

Cameron Spencer/Getty Images

(18) Pocock gives spirited open side flanker display against the Springboks. Given the way Pocock played, clearance has been given to the All Black's first five to bitch-slap David and then knee him in the head.

(19) Peter De Villiers has stepped down as Springbok coach. This might be due to his wanting the England job?

(20) Argentinians are spent after giving it 100 percent in passion and emotion. This just after their national anthem was played.

 

 

 

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