Ok, so, it has been widely recognized for many years that the Detroit Lions are a bad football team. I mean, you would be seriously hard pressed to find someone who would or could argue otherwise. And yet still, every Thanksgiving, the Detroit Lions stink up national television for all to see.
The other Thanksgiving day game, Seattle and Dallas, is almost as bad. I mean, we are talking about the 2-9 "please make it stop now" Seahawks vs. the 7-4 "how are we ever going to catch the Giants" Cowboys. This game has stink bomb written all over it. If, by some miracle, the Seahawks win this one, all of America will walk away feeling raped excluding the greater Seattle area, because the boys were supposed to win. If the Cowboys win it will be exactly what all of America (including the greater Seattle area) expects to happen, and they will go away feeling raped because "can't we get an upset here?".
But, contrary to popular belief, there are at least five worse things to be doing on Thanksgiving than watching one of these two games, and I am now going to list them for you...
1. Playing football with a turkey carcass. Now, friends, this may sound like a blast but trust me; your significant other will not be pleased. And think about the grease! Have you ever held a turkey carcass? Yeah, it's greasy...
2. Sitting in your apartment/house/trailer alone, eating pizza, watching Survivor reruns. I am sure that somewhere in America there is someone who will read this and go "HEY!"...
3. Talking to your wife/girlfriend's family. This is torturous enough as it is, but add turkey and a sense of tradition and you have a formula for full blown disaster. Beware of the "would you like to carve the turkey?" question... The answer is no, gentlemen, you would not like to carve the turkey.
4. Working. Yes, people, football, no matter how bad, is always better than work. Unless of course football IS work, in which case you probably make more money in a week than I do a year and you can do whatever the hell you want on Thanksgiving.
5. Visiting your extended family. For those of you who are being forced to do this, I feel for you. I see my extended family roughly once a decade, and that is more than enough for my taste. If you are unfortunate enough to have to see your's every Thanksgiving, I apologize sincerely and hope the games are exciting enough that you are not totally bored while watching them so you can ignore your great aunt Alice for a whole, blissful four hours.
Have a happy Thanksgiving everybody, and I would just like to say that I am thankful for all the people who take the time to read this stuff!
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