Football may be the greatest spectator sport ever invented. But as wonderful as it is, there are areas that can be improved with a little creative accessorizing
Sure, you can go to the NFL for team jerseys, caps and other crap, but the league’s accessory coverage is hardly comprehensive.
For legal, moral and ethical reasons, the NFL is restricted in what it can offer. But we here at Bleacher Report are not. Let's explore together then, in no particular order, the top seven football fan accessories not approved by the NFL.
That’s right. This is the one from the infomercial, but it happens to work. Tequila. Ice cubes. A little lime. A little sweetness. Hit the on switch, and Mongo Santa Maria, you’ve got the best frozen margarita you’ve ever tasted.
Your team is losing? Repeat the process and relax. We’re smiling. We’re happy. We’ll get them next week.
Gambling goes with football almost as well is frozen margaritas go with football. But once you’ve placed your bets the fun part is pretty much over. That is unless you have an online bookie application for your smart phone or iPad.
Through the magic of the computer, these apps let you bet continually through the game, on the quarter, on the down, on the player, on the weather, on just about anything you want to wager. Of course betting on football is highly illegal, so we don’t recommend it.
It’s time you started tailgating in style. No, we’re not talking Winnebagos. This is a luxury motorcoach, complete with electric powered awnings, full leather interior, and a price tag that’s slightly north of $2 million.
That doesn’t include a hot tub, but you’ll want one of them, so you’d better pencil it in.
After all that prep work, you’re going to want to keep a close eye on the game. A pair of Nikon Monarch X binoculars will set you back about $500, but they can make the difference between just being and actually seeing, especially if you’re sitting in the nosebleed ring.
You know how those NASCAR fans have their radio scanners so they can listen in on strategy conversations between the driver and his pit crew? Well this is the same thing for NFL fans, only you’ll be listening to play discussions between the coach and the quarterback, and between the defensive coordinator and the lead linebacker. Again, we don’t endorse this because eavesdropping is highly illegal.
At the Jets game last week, some hometown fans were hassling a Cowboy supporter. So he pulled out a stun gun and honored them with a 50,000-volt salute.
His trial is pending, but it’s still better than getting beat up. We don’t endorse this one either.
All those frozen margaritas are crying out for some company. Which means you need to hire a Tex-Mex chef for your tailgating party.
Just offer to pay him twice what he would be earning at his restaurant. It’s worth every penny because you get all the burritos, chimichangas and enchiladas you can eat. And your buddies will remember you for the rest of your days as the genius who made the greatest spectator sport in the world even greater.