50 Hilariously Awkward Athlete Photos
Many of us have wished we were a professional athlete at some point or another. They are heroes on the field of play. They're super cool. They get all the girls. They've got the fame and fortune. Overall, not too bad.
But then every now and again they do something that reminds us that they're all too human. They dress in stupid costumes. They wear Snuggies. They get completely wasted. And they agree to very stupid photo shoots.
Except for the photo-shoot bit, their awkward moments make them more relatable and often more likable to regular folks like us.
Let's take a look at 50 hilariously awkward photos.
50. Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh Penguins
What we know: Penguins superstar forward Evgeni Malkin keeps some pretty interesting company.
What we don’t know: Really…anything else. His Twitter page is all in Russian, and Google Translate does a very poor job with the language.
What we don’t want to know: If that's a snake hanging out of the old man's belt. ::shudder::
49. Larry Fitzgerald, Arizona Cardinals
What we know: Cardinals superstar wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald was certainly dressed to conduct the Phoenix Symphony in September 2012. But I went to college with him, and I'm pretty sure he wasn't a music minor.
What we don’t know: If he actually got to conduct. I mean…he has one of those little sticks?
What we don’t want to know: If it went poorly. I love Fitz so much that I just want to assume that he made a musical miracle that night.
48. Logan Morrison, Miami Marlins
What we know: The Marlins' Logan Morrison was recently attacked by a ladybug and a unicorn.
What we don’t know: Whether or not he has any long-term psychological issues from the incident.
What we don’t want to know: If he sleeps with those stuffed animals.
47. Chad Ochocinco, NFL Free Agent
What we know: The Snuggie has permeated the very fabric of our being, and apparently, it now comes in camouflage. Gah!
What we don’t know: If free-agent wide receiver Chad Ochocinco got his Snuggie at Walgreens like the rest of us. I’d love to see the photo of Ocho buying his Snuggie at Walgreens. (Hint hint…).
What we don’t want to know: If kilt rules apply to Snuggies.
46. Sean Avery, (Maybe?) Retired NHL Player
What we know: Bro hugs come from places of love, but when they come from behind, things can get weird—like this one between Sean Avery and CEO Jason Binn.
What we don’t know: Why Avery is such a massive tool bag.
What we don’t want to know: How long this awkward bro hug lasted. I like to imagine it lasted the entire length of the DuJour Magazine Launch Party.
45. Alexander Ovechkin and Mike Green, Washington Capitals
What we know: This is how the NHL decided to promote its 2011 All-Star Game—having the Capitals' Mike Green and Alexander Ovechkin dress up in their uniforms and putting them in a 1980s school picture set.
What we don’t know: The NHL All-Star Game has had some serious marketability problems—who would think this photo is something that would drum up interest?
What we don’t want to know: If there's a pumpkin backlighting that Capitals jersey. I prefer to keep the mystery.
44. Joe Namath, Retired NFL Legend
What we know: Legendary quarterback Joe Namath and actress Farrah Fawcett did a commercial for Noxzema in 1973, and they both seemed to enjoy themselves.
What we don’t know: Why Namath found it impossible to look anywhere above her chest. He was a seasoned ladies' man; he should have more swag than that.
What we don’t want to know: What went down after the commercial. Kidding! Of course we want to know what went down after the commercial.
43. Tommy Lasorda, Retired MLB
What we know: The legendary Tommy Lasorda is on Twitter, and he takes the Fourth of July very seriously.
What we don’t know: If Lasorda is doing his own tweeting. His Twitter account reeks of some PR lackey at his agent's office.
What we don’t want to know: If those are sparklers in his pockets or if he's just happy to see me. (Kidding—I know you can't see his pockets.)
42. Chris Kluwe, Minnesota Vikings
What we know: Vikings punter Chris Kluwe is on a mission to get rock-hard abs.
What we don’t know: Why? He's a punter.
What we don’t want to know: Apparently we can look forward to these every week or so on Twitter…I think that qualifies.
41. Tim Lincecum, San Francisco Giants
What we know: Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum scored the January 2012 cover of Sports Illustrated, and obviously an accompanying photo shoot.
What we don’t know: There's nothing sadder than celebrating New Year's alone, so who thought this awkward photo shoot was a good idea?
What we don’t want to know: How many times Lincecum had to throw confetti in the air with a director and photographer telling him to "think less" but "do more."
40. Matt Leinart, Oakland Raiders
What we know: At some point the Raiders backup quarterback found himself at the same place at the same time as Jessica Simpson's ex-husband Nick Lachey.
What we don’t know: If this was the first time that a hot tub or a beer bong weren't involved.
What we don’t want to know: Anything else about these popped-collar homies. I've already seen too much of these two has-beens who barely ever were.
39. David Beckham, Los Angeles Galaxy
What we know: David Beckham is one of the biggest sports celebrities in the word, but not too big to photobomb fans at the Olympic Village during the 2012 games in London.
What we don’t know: Why the evil United Kingdom kept David Beckham off its national soccer team after he spent years luring the Olympics there.
What we don’t want to know: Why those people are wearing arm sweatbands—they seem unnecessary.
38. Phil Simms, Retired NFL Quarterback
What we know: Warren Sapp posted this photo of Phil Simms back when they were still hosting Showtime's Inside the NFL together.
What we don’t know: Why Simms seems to be caressing an electrical box. I get the feeling he's not entirely handy.
What we don’t want to know: If Simms has some kind of metal fetish. Ew. He probably doesn't. But still. Ew.
37. Paul Bissonnette, Phoenix Coyotes
What we know: This is a modeling shoot for The Fourth Period, and Paul Bissonnette's bright red pants are just a little too snug for my liking.
What we don’t know: What does a fire extinguisher have to do with the concept? Is Amar'e Stoudemire scheduled to come later?
What we don’t want to know: How and why Bissonnette gets to do modeling work with women like the lovely Julia Powell.
36. Terrell Owens, NFL Free Agent
What we know: Free-agent wide receiver Terrell Owens sometimes wears purple sweaters and makes telephone calls.
What we don’t know: Where you can find a telephone/lamp combo that looks like an AK-47.
What we don’t want to know: Why T.O. is flat broke and he's buying telephone/lamp combos that look like AK-47s.
35. Roger Goodell, NFL Commissioner
What we know: NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was really overcompensating with the hugs at the 2012 draft. Goodell treated every guy who came to the stage as if he were his own long-lost son.
What we don’t know: Why all the drafted players are coming up on stage and reciprocating the uncomfortably long hugs.
What we don’t want to know: What Roger Goodell smells like up that close. Does evil have a smell?
34. Shaq, Retired NBA Legend
What we know: Shaq gets to do anything he wants because he rules. So far he's met a panda, a giraffe and an elephant—and that's just that I know of.
What we don’t know: Why that elephant looks so peeved at Shaq.
What we don’t want to know: Anything else…I'm already too jealous.
33. Hugo Lloris, Tottenham Hotspur
What we know: This is Hugo Lloris, a footballer. He was named the Hottie of the Week by LaVivaSoccer.tumblr.com in June 2012. Not a lot, I realize.
What we don’t know: Why he's standing on the hood of car dressed in all white and if this is some kind of advertisement.
What we don’t want to know: Why it's necessary to have the stupid car in a junkyard. This whole thing annoys me.
32. Brett Favre, Retired NFL Player
What we know: Retired quarterback Brett Favre just has a stupid face. (I know people are going to freak out about this.)
What we don’t know: Why he's making such a stupid face.
What we don’t want to know: Anything about him ever again. Including the "U-shaped" cut of his Wrangler jeans.
31. Jimmy Johnson, Retired NFL Coach
What we know: Dealing with Jerry Jones for years was probably a stressful endeavor, and it seems the current Fox NFL Sunday host knows how to blow off some steam.
What we don’t know: Why the former coach decided to go with a pink beer koozie. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
What we don’t want to know: What happened after dark! He looks pretty…happy…mid-afternoon. I bet things got crazy under the light of the moon.
30. Mario Balotelli, Manchester City
What we know: Despite his bad reputation, it seems Manchester City's Mario Balotelli is both helpful and friendly. Look at him helping his teammate move that freaky dummy.
What we don’t know: What's the freaky dummy for?
What we don’t want to know: If it's used for anything sexual.
29. Mark Sanchez, New York Jets
What we know: Jets starting quarterback Mark Sanchez has never been entirely popular in New York, but he has been entirely popular with magazine publishers, like GQ. I sense there's a correlation there.
What we don’t know: If Sanchez is a qualified lifeguard.
What we don’t want to know: Anything else about Sanchez, Tim Tebow, Rex Ryan and the Jets as a whole.
28. Tony Hawk, Skateboarder
What we know: People with kids will do anything for those little monsters, even appear on Yo Gabba Gabba! Which Tony Hawk did in September 2007. Awww…what a good dad.
What we don’t know: Why they didn't have Hawk come out dressed as a skateboarding monster before doing a big reveal. Now that's television, folks.
What we don’t want to know: Why parents today are relying on monsters to physically engage their little ones and teach them life lessons.
27. Warren Sapp, Retired NFL Player
What we know: Retired NFL defensive tackle Warren Sapp obviously likes dancing, judging by his appearance on ABC's Dancing with the Stars. He's surprisingly graceful for a big man.
What we don’t know: Who that guy who looks like Dick Vitale is. Is it Dick Vitale? One of you must know.
What we don’t want to know: If Sapp might've missed his true calling as a dancer.
26. Ozzie Guillen, Miami Marlins
\What we know: After all the trash Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen has talked and all the national and international scandals he's sparked, it's so awkward and amusing to see him getting his makeup done.
What we don’t know: If this was for a specific televised event or is just part of his morning ritual.
What we don’t want to know: If this was for a specific televised event or is just part of his morning ritual.
25. Jerry Jones, Dallas Cowboys Owner
What we know: Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is very old, and he looks even older when he's very drunk and posing with a couple of college girls.
What we don’t know: Why doesn't he have Dez Bryant-like babysitters if he has a penchant for occasionally behaving like him?
What we don’t want to know: If anything happened with them after the bar. Ew. Ew. Ew.
24. Nyjer Morgan, Milwaukee Brewers
What we know: The Brewers' resident nutcase Nyjer Morgan somehow ended up at the same event as tween Twilight sensation Taylor Lautner.
What we don’t know: If Morgan and Lautner run in the same social circles. I'm guessing not.
What we don’t want to know: If Tony Plush is stalking Taylor Lautner, 'cause it kind of looks like he is.
23. Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks
What we know: Dirk Nowitzki of the one-time world champion Dallas Mavericks likes to booze. It. Up.
What we don’t know: Who the girl is and where they are hanging out, because it looks pretty glorious.
What we don’t want to know: If Dirk has a drinking problem.
22. Cris Collinsworth, Retired NFL Player
What we know: Pretty much all I know about this is that Cris Collinsworth, one of the co-hosts of Showtime's Inside the NFL, had himself painted like a Bengal (his former team) and Warren Sapp posted it to Twitter.
What we don’t know: Actually, I just want to know why this is happening. Did he lose a bet?
What we don’t want to know: Since it looks so natural, I don't want to know if he takes this look into the bedroom.
21. Michael Del Zotto, New York Rangers
What we know: Rangers teammate Brad Richards tweeted out this photo of Michael Del Zotto's floatation device in August 2012.
What we don’t know: If he was using that thing to pick up chicks. You know they love dolphins.
What we don’t want to know: If it worked…if it did, I don't want to start seeing dudes carrying these around at the club and local bars.
20. Chad Ochocinco, New England Patriots
What we know: Free-agent wide receiver Chad Ochocinco is just like you and me: He shops at Target.
What we don’t know: Why he's sitting in the baby seat.
What we don’t want to know: Anything else about Chad Ochocinco. Get a job or go away.
19. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Former Bodybuilder
What we know: The former Governator of California has more downtime those days to spend time with his kids and just be a regular Robodad.
What we don’t know: How it is possible for an athlete to look so awkward and ridiculous doing something as mundane as riding a bike.
What we don’t want to know: What the Terminator would look like roller-skating at one of those ridiculous 1980s roller rinks.
18. Charles Barkley, Retired NBA Player
What we know: NBA legend Charles Barkley recently dropped some weight as a spokesman for Weight Watchers. We also know that he will eventually gain that weight back.
What we don’t know: Why it was necessary to dress in drag to show off his weight loss.
What we don’t want to know: Whose idea it was for Barkley to wear the dress.
17. Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh Penguins
What we know: Penguins superstar Evgeni Malkin loves his mommy, and someone in his house enjoys shooting things and mounting them on the wall.
What we don’t know: The mystery shooter. I hope it's Mom—I love a surprise twist.
What we don’t want to know: How spooky it must be to walk into that house all wasted in the middle of the night with an army of dead animals keeping watch.
16. John Rocker, Retired MLB Player
What we know: Retired MLB pitcher John Rocker hates New York, welfare mothers, immigrants, gay people, AIDS, women drivers and pretty much everything else on this planet.
What we don’t know: If he hates gay guys so much, how come he's dressed like one?
What we don’t want to know: Anything about John Rocker ever again. Go away forever, dude.
15. Amar'e Stoudemire, New York Knicks
What we know: In September 2012, the Knicks' Amar'e Stoudemire stopped by the E! network's Fashion Police to spend a little quality time talking fashion with Joan Rivers.
What we don’t know: Why athletes are drawn to Joan Rivers like a moth to a flame.
What we don’t want to know: Why. Obviously.
14. Ryan Lochte, Olympic Swimmer
What we know: Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte is enjoying every second in the spotlight before he becomes a distant memory, which includes stopping by E!'s Fashion Police and getting into a fountain with host Joan Rivers.
What we don’t know: Why athletes are drawn to Joan Rivers like a moth to a flame.
What we don’t want to know: Why. Obviously. Oh, and why Lochte thinks saying "jeah" is at all cool.
13. Dennis Rodman, Retired NBA Player
What we know: NBA legend Dennis Rodman starred with comedian Joan Rivers on billionaire blowhard Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice on NBC.
What we don’t know: Why athletes are drawn to Joan Rivers like a moth to a flame.
What we don’t want to know: Why. Obviously.
12. Jose Canseco, Retired MLB Player
What we know: Former major leaguer Jose Canseco visited the Home Plate Bar and Grill last December and enjoyed fresh crab and oysters.
What we don’t know: If they served any fresh seafood donning miniature Santa hats. That would be fun.
What we don’t want to know: It looks like Canseco had crabs, but does he have crabs?
11. Metta World Peace, Los Angeles Lakers
What we know: Metta World Peace is freaking ripped. Considering beating people up is a hobby of his, that's pretty good news for him.
What we don’t know: Why he feels the need to take a self-portrait in a men's locker room. I mean…there are other men there.
What we don’t want to know: What the other men are thinking. Good or bad.
10. Tim Tebow, New York Jets
What we know: Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow is a likable Christian young man who wears his faith on his sleeve and is a virgin. He's also bad at football.
What we don’t know: In the midst of the ridiculous Jets circus, why did Tebow or his people decide it was a good idea to appear shirtless in Vogue pushing a tire?
What we don’t want to know: What ESPN's Skip Bayless has been doing with this photo.
9. Paul Pierce, Boston Celtics
What we know: The Celtics' Paul Pierce obviously respects the history of the game and the storied history of the franchise he plays for. Who knew Larry Bird made The Truth so starry-eyed?
What we don’t know: Where this photo was taken. It's all a bit vague.
What we don’t want to know: If it was just a photo shoot. I prefer to think that he gives Larry Bird lovey eyes before every big game.
8. Mark Cuban, Dallas Mavericks Owner
What we know: Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is the coolest owner (besides Jay-Z) in professional sports, and his badassery dates back to the '70s. He released these photos to Deadspin himself.
What we don’t know: How it's possible to be so awesome.
What we don’t want to know: What's in that bowl. It looks like the kind of gross concoction you put together after a rabble-rousing.
7. Brandon Phillips, Cincinnati Reds
What we know: The Cincinnati Reds' Brandon Phillips recently went shopping for adult onesies and managed to find a store that carries them.
What we don’t know: Why adult onesies exist.
What we don’t want to know: What we've already learned about his package.
6. Tom Brady, New England Patriots
What we know: Patriots quarterback Tom Brady enjoys a little wordplay, which is why he allowed this photo to go along with GQ's description of "Iron Man" when he was selected one of their "Men of the Year" in 2009.
What we don’t know: Why Tom Brady always agrees to the most ridiculous photo shoots in the world (hello, baby goat?). Is Alex Rodriguez his manager or something?
What we don’t want to know: What's next. Tom in a basket of newborn kittens? Tom at Starbucks in a white t-shirt soaked by coffee? Tom being hosed down by little people while it rains Skittles?
5. Jeremy Roenick, Retired NHL Player
What we know: Jeremy Roenick still spends a fair amount of time answering fan mail, which is actually a nice/surprising thing considering what I know about him as a human being.
What we don’t know: How he could possibly call this creepy collage an "awesome beauty."
What we don’t want to know: What kind of freak-show weirdo spends his or her time at home painting pictures of Jeremy Roenick in all his various uniforms. I'm thinking serial killer.
4. Hulk Hogan, Semi-Retired Wrestler
What we know: This is Hulk Hogan's attempt at dressing like Lady Gaga. I think he forgot his meat dress…but he looks like beef jerky, so it's cool.
What we don’t know: If the Hulk is a real Lady Gaga fan or just trying to stay hip with the kids.
What we don’t want to know: Why he was even doing this to begin with. I would really think athletes and celebrities would learn a trade for when their careers are over.
3. Oscar De La Hoya, Retired Boxer
What we know: On a cocaine and alcohol binge in 2007, boxer Oscar De La Hoya decided it would be a super-fantastic idea to dress up in a fishnet unitard and let people take photos of him.
What we don’t know: How he had it in him to deny that the photos were him for four whole years, when they are so obviously him.
What we don’t want to know: Who brought the fishnet unitard. I've seen hookers in Atlantic City with more class.
2. Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
What we know: LA Times Magazine convinced the Lakers superstar that the only thing missing in his already storied career was a very ridiculous Zoolander moment. I heard Magnum is going to blow us all away.
What we don’t know: If this look is Blue Steel or Le Tigre. All I know is that Magnum is going to blow us all away.
What we don’t want to know: Who in Kobe's entourage was psychotic enough to think this was an excellent idea in theory, and then saw the photos and was still totally on board.
1. Alex Rodriguez, New York Yankees
What we know: The only photo spread more universally mocked than that of Tom Brady cradling a baby goat was Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez's extremely ill-advised photo shoot with Details magazine in 2009.
What we don’t know: Why! Why would someone do this? There are few people in professional sports with less self-awareness than A-Rod.
What we don’t want to know: I don't even know…I want to know everything and nothing about the thought process that went into this nonsense.
For more Amber Lee, hit me up on the Twitter machine. Follow @blamberr
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