Georges St. Pierre and the 10 Products He Should Endorse
The welterweight champion of the world has landed endorsement deals with Gatorade, Affliction MMA, and Under Armour.
MMA is the fastest growing sport and St. Pierre's name recognition is swelling faster than a Mark Hominick hematoma. With that being said, the golden boy of MMA's appeal will continue to grow exponentially as the UFC expands to Fox and Latin America.
Don't be surprised within the next couple of years if you see GSP recruited by the likes of Nike, Reebok, and Michael Jordan's Jumpman brand if his contract with Under Armour ever expires.
Until then, here are 10 products that could use the GSP seal of approval.
No brand is more infamous than that of the Shakeweight. The modified dumbbell was a viral sensation for all the wrong reasons as the company's commercials were seen as sexually obtrusive due to the up-and-down pumping action of the product.
Shakeweight's subliminal messages couldn't be more obvious if they provided free cases of Chapstick with every purchase of the perverted performance weight.
Why GSP should endorse: St. Pierre could restore some credibility to the "As Seen on TV" product if marketed correctly. Otherwise, it's hard to take the Shakeweight seriously when the company touts chapped lips, big muscles, and rug-burned foreheads as a muscle-building machine.
I Cant Believe Its Not Butter Spray
This would-be butter is the undisputed heavyweight of substitute butters. The company's reputation took a hit when Fabio Lanzoni forever turned in his man card when he agreed to endorse the not-so-buttery substance.
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Spray's reputation further took a hit when researchers from the University of Texas discovered that the butter also contained flame retardants.
Fabio's appearance in the commercial was laughable at best as the product soon became synonymous with bad acting and trashy romance novels.
Why GSP should endorse: Should GSP choose to endorse the butter brand, many a woman will melt like butter once the welterweight champion enters the TV's frame. Even more intriguing will be men donning an apron in hopes of challenging Bobby Flay to a savory flame-retardant throwdown.
Lets face it, unless Procter & Gamble one-ups I Can't Believe It's Not Butter by releasing a commercial in which Fabio farts Febreze, the public isn't going to forget the travesty of a butter commercial.
The flavored energy drink boasts that it provides five hours of energy without a sugar crash. Although 5-Hour Energy is the No. 1 energy drink brand in the United States, it wouldn't hurt to put some name recognition behind it.
Why GSP should endorse: If St. Pierre decides to endorse 5 Hour Energy they might have to change the name of the brand to Five Round Energy. After all, five rounds is what it takes to win a decision, right?
This popular arcade/console series is one of the most successful games of the entire fighting genre. Mortal Kombat is perhaps most famous for a fighter's ability to perform 'Fatalities' also known as finishing moves.
Finishing moves allow players to finish fights by killing opponents in murderous fashion. Jean Claude Van Damme was the inspiration behind the button-mashing series, but who says the game couldn't use some Canadian flair?
Why GSP should endorse: St. Pierre's name and likeness in the hit series could give the welterweight champion the ability to finally finish a fight. Although St. Pierre would be finishing his opponents in digitized fashion, it would dispel the rumors that he is totally incapable of finishing.
If art imitates life, GSP has the unique opportunity to perform babalities, friendships and animalities.
The fifth largest brewing company hails from Montreal, Quebec, Canada. The beer has been around for 225 years and could use some UFC savvy.
Do you guys see where I'm going with this?
Why GSP should endorse: A commercial in which St. Pierre consumes four beers and then utilizes Drunken Monkey Kung Fu in the octagon. For all of you watching at home, that's how you stay "Rush Fit!"
According to its website, Octa-Gone is an octanoic acid-based antimicrobial treatment that reduces microbial contamination on ready-to-eat (RTE) meat and poultry products. Octa-Gone is recommended for use as part of a listeria to gene control program in the production of RTE meat and poultry products.
Octa-Gone use solution is applied directly into RTE packages prior to vacuum sealing, hence eliminating post-treatment recontanimation.
Why GSP should endorse: We need a commercial in which St. Pierre mistakes Diaz for dead meat and sprays him with Octa-Gone moments before a UFC press event. Diaz disappears moments later and is gone from the Octagon at UFC 137. The product works!
Imagine GSP jumping on a Tempur-Pedic while his TKO victims sleep soundly.
The manufacturer of the world's best sleep system boasts a good night's sleep due to their viscoelastic memory foam. Remember when GSP would win by way of spectacular TKO? You'll probably need to sleep on a Tempur-Pedic mattress to jog your memory.
Why GSP should endorse: A one of a kind commercial featuring the TKO victims of Georges St. Pierre: Jay Hieron, Sean Sherk, BJ Penn, Matt Hughes, and Matt Serra all sleeping on a Tempur-Pedic mattress, while St. Pierre jumps like a rabid banshee with a glass of red wine strategically placed on the mattress in the foreground.
The Total Gym
A popular series of exercise machines endorsed by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris's beard, and supermodel Christie Brinkley. The machine is used primarily for stretching, strength training, and Pilates training. Pair up the Total Gym with Chuck Norris, Christie Brinkley and GSP to make a winning combination.
A GSP endorsement: An uncanny alliance between Norris and GSP is a team not seen since Harold and Kumar went to White Castle. The worst case scenario would pit Norris against GSP with the winner courting Brinkley. I'll take GSP over Norris by five-round decision.
Any Billy Mays Product
Billy Mays is widely considered to be the Anderson Silva of American television direct-response advertising. He is remembered for promoting the Awesome Auger, Big City Sliders, Oxi Clean, and the Samurai Shark. Although Billy Mays passed away in 2009, we can still dream of a Billy Mays/GSP team up.
Why GSP should endorse: A TV infomercial with GSP cutting Dana's lawn with the Awesome Auger before moving on to shrubbery outside the TUF house would be fascinating.
Advertisement on the World's Shortest Train
Don't be scared homie!
The worlds shortest train was hijacked by Nick Diaz after he slipped out the back door during a press conference in Toronto. The train as seen in the attached video could benefit from a Georges St. Pierre endorsement as it has limited advertising space.
Why GSP should endorse: GSP's picture on the side of the train with the phrase "Don't Be Scared Homie" would make for great psychological warfare. Lorenzo Fertitta went to Twitter shortly after Nick went AWOL asking his followers if anyone has seen Nick Diaz. We've seen him, Lorenzo. He's on a train bound for the 209.
Special thanks to Brian (not me) for the attached video.