Throwing Tomatoes: Get a Life, Get a Urinal!
Winter may be coming, but there’s always fresh tomatoes growing somewhere. And when the world of sports rears its ugly head with stupidity—as it has in the past few days—the tomatoes simply must be brought out from hibernation.
With that said, it’s time to stretch out and get that throwing arm good and limber. Tomato time is here.
Throwing Tomatoes—Volume XX
Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys
…for their strange Texas Stadium auction
As reported on ESPN and the Dallas papers, the Cowboys are holding an auction of items from Texas Stadium once it shuts down—including turnstiles, lockers, phones, and...urinals? Seriously?
Seriously...included in the auction is a urinal from the Cowboys locker room, and the auction for this porcelain depository starts at $300. I don’t know what’s more twisted—the fact that they’re auctioning it off, or that someone would actually buy it. And, believe me, someone will.
…for telling Michigan fans to “Get a life”
Yes, out of frustration, Rich Rod told Michigan fans to get a life. Rule No. 1, you don’t bash the fan base, no matter how much they ridicule you. And with that new $2.5 million a year contract, that would equate to over 800 grand a win at this point this season. That will frustrate any fan that’s used to winning. If he’s not careful, Rich Rod may get a swirlie from a Michigan fan who bought the Texas Stadium urinal.
…for giving Buffalo fans recurring nightmares
Wide right. The two words that make every Bills fan cringe—again. From Scott Norwood’s Super Bowl miss that started it all, a great team on its way to four consecutive championship losses. It happened again, this time with a Buffalo team off to a red hot start, but has since floundered, with the latest loss another wide right miss against the Browns last Monday night—and no one feels worse than Lindell himself.
The 2008 Apple Cup
…for being played—and likely being on TV somewhere
Fox Sports coined it the “Rotten Apple Cup.” ESPN’s Bottom 10 called it the “Crapple Cup.” Either is fitting—and equally hysterical—but this game will be anything but funny, as Washington and Washington State combine for an 0-15 conference record and 1-20 overall record. Anyone else smell a 3-2 win with a walk-off homer in the ninth? Or is that just rotten apples we smell?
…for his NFL rules familiarity—or lack thereof
It’s all over the news: Donovan McNabb admitted to not knowing that an NFL game can end in a tie after one overtime has been completed. Didn’t most of us know this rule existed when we were still stuck at the dinner table, forced to eat our vegetables? C'mon, Donovan, really?
Honorary Tomato Throwers of the Week
...Because those who found success earn a chance to sling one at their opposition
...at the American League, after trading for Matt Holliday. Hey, ol’ Billy has some new tricks up his sleeve, too.
Adam “No Longer Pacman” Jones
...at the NFL after getting reinstated. Wait, how many strikes and you’re out again?
This has been “Throwing Tomatoes”…where apples are apparently just as effective.
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