Frustrated Carey Price Explodes In The Canadiens' Locker Room (Humor)

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Frustrated Carey Price Explodes In The Canadiens' Locker Room (Humor)

Guy Carbonneau said today during his press conference that he wished someone stood up in the locker room and took charge of the team and make every one follow him. If you have seen the Montreal Canadiens play recently, you might have noticed that no one seems to be fitting with one another.

And then after last night’s game against the Carolina Hurricanes, it was obvious that the goaltender of the Habs, Carey Price, stood out because of an exceptional, stellar performance.

So, I decided to come-up with a script of his rant in the locker room. If specially the Montreal Canadiens lose tomorrow’s game against the Senators, they would break Price’s record of shutting out the Sens two games in a row and here is what he would say the next day morning in the locker room. It is a dramatization. If you think I am offending anyone, please let me know because this article is written with humorous intent.

''Ok! I’m done with this crap (Price hits his stick on the floor and it breaks! Everyone stops talking, listening to their iPods)…I have something to say and you all just sit there and listen.

"Half of you freakin' call yourselves veterans! I'm f***ing  21 and I am working my ass off to keep you in a game, to give your damn souls a chance to win. Plus, take this, I earn like 750 000$ which is like way less than all of you. I have no complaints but still I do overtime, I don’t mind.

"I want to keep my job or in case, you all start a losing streaking, I want to be able to find a job somewhere else. And if you keep me from holding a good record, I’ll leave you.


"You all better start moving coz I'm not gonna slack off and you better not to. I'm sick of this. I'm frustrated coz I'm left there all alone, in these big huge arenas. And you know what humiliates me, most of time, you people decide to lose in some other arena where they don’t even cheer their own team. You know how hard it is. The day I was butt-ended by Grabovski, I should’ve known what was coming.  Here are my tips!

 

 

"D-E-F-E-N-S-E, in other words

 

Ryan O’Byrne

You, mister! Have to start burning all those calories you have got for that huge size of yours. Right now you are letting yourself be burned! Stop thinking about abjinx or whatever these media people tell you because if you don’t act, I’ll tell you what’ll happen. Hamilton Bulldogs sound familiar?

 

Patrice Brisebois

First, could you come closer because I want to make sure you hear me! Stop trying to feel wind in your hair when passing by my crease. All you have to do is keep flyin' to the other end and stop hitting the posts. Remember that goal of yours which I could have stopped but too bad the other goalie couldn’t? Replay that in your mind.

 

Andrei Markov

On the powerplay, you stay on the same spot for so long before you make passes, I can even see what’s going on. What’s happening? At this rate, you’ll be marking your favourite spots in every arena. Please learn to check, backcheck, forecheck and stop taking those bad penalties at the wrong times.

 

Roman Hamrlik

Man, you block a lot of shots but not much as I do. Remember when you got injured on your toe? I had to save Breezer’s a** soo many times. I almost had a heart attack. Speaking about attack, that scoring streak you had at the beginning of the season, please bring it back on. We need serious need help in that department.

 

Mike Komisarek

You just broke your hand on the stupidest fight at the stupidest time. That should be enough to punish you. I mean come on why would you fight when we were losing 6-1. Lame…very Lame (shakes his head). You hit everyone too hard and then they come back to haunt you. Good job! The only good thing is that you rush to my rescue, not all time, but most of the time, you think you’re superman or something.

 

Josh Gorges

Curious Gorge! Tell me one thing, are you a defenseman or an attacker or a neutral zone player. Because from my view, you are all over the place. Not to say that’s a bad thing but you might be comprising important duties. On a side note, you can’t really score on net, so let someone else do it! And by the way, don’t forget to think of a new trick to do when we win. (Aside: Wonder when that’s gonna be?)

 

Francis Bouillon

You scared the hell out of me when you took that puck in your throat. Again, I almost had a heart attack. I’m too young for those and one suggestion, finish your checks when you are behind my net and don’t make passes which don’t reach our players. Avoid that because you won’t allow me to have a break. Otherwise, my friend, you seem to be working alright!

 

"That's just the beginning, now Halak, just pass me that bottle of water and then I'll talk to the rest you! Next Page.....

 

F-O-R-W-A-R-D-S: All of you call yourselves forwards but you always end in my side of the rink right in front of me and that shows how backward you are. Play your position will you?

 

Andrei Kostitsyn

You! You get hit, and hit pretty bad I felt sorry! After that, you come back and look like a little boy lost in the crowd the amusement park in Belarus. Where is your stuff from last year? From what I heard, you didn’t have a concussion but could it have been a slight memory-loss?

 

Sergei Kostitsyn

I advise that you detach from your brother because you seem to be also lost on your own in the mess. I know you’re 21 too but look at me! You have to show your talent because if not, the KHL is waiting to pay you big money.

 

Robert Lang

Man! Oh Man! You know, you cannot score in an empty net. I could even do that all the way from my end you know. The past two games, it was acceptable you know. But, why did you have to bring the new technique you know of scoring on your knees, now that’s just more work for me you know!

 

Tomas Plekanec

You look like you are the one who was trying the hardest. At the beginning of the season, you looked pathetic. Luck was not on your side. And the Islanders game,you were on fire. That’s who I wanna see. Oh by the way…don’t get shoved into the other team’s bench... t looks embarassing!

 

Alexei Kovalev

You were the star last year. Is that so? Well, this year, the signs are not on your side. You want me to tell you something…You look LOST in translation. Every single goalie’s figured out your moves…that’s why DVDs are not so great ideas. Told you so! Also, if in the middle of the game I push someone towards you to get you injured, don't take me wrong! I'm just trying to generate some spark in your eyes. 

 

Alex Tanguay

You my friend can relax because you pay the Price well. I like you. Nice checks, nice goals, beautiful passes, such a gift to watch you play. Now if you can stand up and show some people a few things, it would be much appreciated.

 

Saku Koivu

Captain K…I don’t have to point out anything to you. Oh Right! I’m doing all the talking. You think you can pass me your jersey coz I think it fits me better. I'm doing your work so I suppose you do something. On the ice, you are better than last year so no complaints…just don’t have any flashbacks.

 

Guillaume Latendresse

Could you ever be consisten so that the Quebecers can see what you can do? Glimpses of good checks, not enough speed, so-so passes and not being able to score on an empty net. not very impressive in my eyes. Make a name for yourself.

 

Tom Kostopoulos

Did I mention that you have a big heart? One more thing, you definitely cannot score right at the net so please pass the puck. Keep rushing and the energy will stay up.

 

Mathieu Dandenault

Speedy Boy. I agree that you can skate but when you make passes, it’s the jerseys with the CH on them. Give the puck to our friends not our foes. If you can only do that, your trio will be a potential mega success. 

 

Maxim Lapierre

Only one word to you. You are sitting in the pressbox…waiting for what? Go ask Carbo why he benched you. To learn stuff from BGL?

 

Steve Bégin

I should call you Stevie Wonder for the amount of work you do. But I suggest you calm down because in all this mess, no one actually pays attention to you. Stop trying so hard. And maybe you might influence everyone in this room to change.

 

Georges Laraque

Big Georges. Let me get one thing straight. You were brought down here to protect me and everyone other vulnerable soul present here. In hopes of not having to suffer bullying, you were going to fight. Now, looks like you ain’t doin’ nuthin’. And you’re being paid to watch every game from the VIP seat.

 

Christopher Higgins

One hat trick and it’s the end of the world for you. You just crashed. Go look up the definition of consistency in the dictionary and recite it to us. Because period to period, you seem to be changing from rookie to veteran and then back again. Act and react! 

 

Jaroslav Halak

Big Bro…Don’t do much. Just sit there pretty with you ugly ball cap. If I need anything I’ll call you like if I’m sick, you be ready.

 

"That’s it! I have had enough! Enough talking and time wasting! I think we are now well prepared to go face the Senators and earn me my third straight shutout against Ottawa. Those who understand my feelings and if you are ready to fight, follow me.’’

 

As Price recites these lines, there is a beep which is heard. He turns his head and there lies his alarm clock which read 4:30am. It was all a dream. Carey Price sat up in his King Size bed, thinking to himself:

 

‘’Oh would I ever love to do that! In my dreams!’’

 

I used this article as a way to point out the obvious flaws in every player and the situation of the team. If you think that all I did what bring out only the negative aspects, you are right.

My goal behind that was to say that if these minor things are corrected, we are en route for a potential Stanley Cup run and will have a very strong team. Please don’t forget to comment and tell me what you think? Does Carey Price really have the nerves to stand up and explode in front of his teammates? Ever? 

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