Easy. He'd be stoned to death upon his return to Philadelphia.
Have you heard about the basketball player from Binghamton busted for stealing condoms?
I don't know if he's good enough to play at the next level, but that's one kid who could skip the NBA's rookie orientation.
nother thing: let's let up on the guy. It gets cold up there in Binghamton.
Hey, you don't see Playboy doing pictorials on "Girls of the State University of New York."
According to reports out of Denver, Carmelo Anthony has Barry Manilow on his iPod.
I commend him. I just want to know which baller is going to be man enough to admit he's down with Neil Sedaka.
Just curious: what would CC Sabathia be worth if he could actually win a playoff game?
Just for the record: he's allowed 20 runs over 19 innings in his last four postseason starts.
Brock Lesnar could beat up Michigan. All of them. At once.
Fedor could go though the entire Big Ten.
Would liked to have seen the end of the Steelers-Chargers point-spread game from the sportsbook of the MGM Grand. I bet there hasn't been that kind of fun in Vegas since the last Tyson fight.
I don't think Keyshawn Johnson is a "b----," as Warren Sapp has called him. Just that his decorating show could be called "Give Me The Damn Drapes."
One more win and the Garden will start printing playoff tickets for the Knicks.
Can't imagine what Angelo Dundee is doing in Oscar De La Hoya's camp. Unless he's explaining the finer points of Ali's famous "Anchor Punch."
Question for John Madden: what would you do if you found out you were getting shortchanged on the proceeds of your namesake video game?
And what if you really needed the money?
Fearless prediction: President Obama will have an easier time with the economy than the BCS.
Personally, I think Hillary Clinton could still come up with some fresh ideas for this administration. Like personal seat licenses for the inauguration.
Jim Fassel contacted Al Davis regarding the soon-to-be vacant Raiders head coaching job.
Suffice it to say that we now know the true identity of the most desperate man in sports.
Going in for surgery this week.
"Prostate?" asks the kid on the desk.
"See? The glass is half full."
Yeah, well, it's no fun getting on in years. I mean, I'm so old I remember SportsCenter without the porn soundtrack in the background.
This article originally published on FOXSports.com.
Read more of Mark's columns here.
Like the new article format? Send us feedback!