While we wrap our collective head around the conclusion of the preseason and look forward to the NFL regular season; I must take a break from being critical of the team and turn my attention to much more important matters.
Aaron Rodgers' ridiculously coiffed mustache.
I know it is said to each his own, but there is something disturbing growing above the star quarterback's lip that is starting to challenge the absurdity of the San Francisco Giants closer Brian Wilson's mountain man beard.
Think it not absurd to obsess over such trivial things, for the great George Steinberenner once had a similar fascination with a young Don Mattingly's facial features. So much he mandated it be removed by penalty of fine.
Here are the top 10 reasons why "Mr. Mutton" must go.
10. The Packers do not have enough room under the cap for its salary.
9. It exaggerates Rodgers' already large nose.
8. The weight of the mustache may interfere with his balance and follow through on passes.
7. I didn't know we signed Rollie Fingers as a backup.
6. "Mr. Mutton" violates rule #4,753 of the new collective bargaining agreement.
5. He is not going to pick up any Edge Shaving Gel endorsements this way.
4. Players get confused in audibles because they can't read his lips.
3. We already have the dreadlocks thing going on, one thing at a time please.
2. It has scared young children during Lambeau leaps.
1. It will look so unattractive with frozen snot crystallizing in the cold Lambeau winters.
So, you see it's not just because of my dislike of the epic mustache, there are ten logical explanations of why it must go.
Either way Aaron, if you must rock the chops, I guess it's go big or go home!
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