Buffalo Bills Should Move to Toronto (Satire)

T.J. MorrillCorrespondent INovember 12, 2008

First off, what's with football going international? It's called American football for a reason! 

Now, why are the Bills playing games in Canada now? Canadians play square field three down (enter explicit term here), so what's the whole deal with the Rogers Centre and all this nonsense.

Well we know it's of advantage to the Dolphins, they would love that dome in the winter, no harsh winter storms to deal with. Hmm...good idea Bills, I like that thinking. Let's help our division out like the Dolphins did trading Wes Welker to the Patriots.

Hmm...let's give our division rivals another reason to be feared. Yep, that worked out just like we planned it.

Well, Canadian Football isn't as bad as European football, which is known to the best country on Earth as soccer! Come on, nobody likes American Football in England, what is the NFL thinking?


Reenactment of the Marketing Meeting

"So what should we do to expand our market?"

"Well let's put the games in a place where football is played mostly with the foot."


"Yeah they hate this sport over there so let's see if they'll come to more of the games in the United States by putting a game in London."

One year later:

"Well that didn't work out."


So we want the NFL in Canada and in Europe, so why doesn't the NFL make a league called NFL-Europe, wait they tried that and it didn't go so well, how about something new like uh, NFL-Africa? There you go, it may turn into a basketball game, but whatever.

Back to the Buffalo Bills.

First off if they go to Toronto they'll have a chance to change their irrelevant name and logo. Buffalo Bill had nothing to do with the state of New York, nor does Buffalo pass bills for the state of New York, so tell me, where did the name come from?

The logo, where do you find Bison in Buffalo, New York? I didn't think that Bison existed anywhere but my home state of Wyoming, guess not.

The kind of people who put a Bison on the Buffalo Bills logo are the same type that make cartoons about farm animals where a male cattle is called a cow and has an udder.

Male cattle are bulls and bulls do not have udders, they're teaching all these urban children gender confusion and they'll one day look at a calf (baby cattle) and think it came from two cows, sexual reproduction requires semen!

Now if the Bills move to Toronto what will their name be? Hmm......

I know, THE CANADIENS! Wait, there's a hockey team with that name. THE CANUCKS, wait, crap. They could I guess take on the name the Toronto Domes, that makes perfect sense!

The Toronto Domeheads since they would be playing in a dome, finally a team named after a non-living object, well that could be possible pending on what a Bill is by their logic.

This brings me to another topic, how intimidating is a name like the Bills? Or the Cardinals? Or the Packers, really are you scared of a bunch of guys packing frozen meat into boxes? I'm not.

So I'm pretty sure that the Bills should move to Toronto, for Miami's sake, I mean come on it's becoming common practice in the AFC East to try and help out the other team. But now the Jets have to do something to help the Bills and the Patriots have to do something for the Jets.