WVU News: Rich Rodriguez Denies Cookie Theft Involvement

Norm DePlume by Contributor Written on January 30, 2008
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Dateline, ANN ARBOR, January 30, 2008. 

RODRIGUEZ DENIES MOTHER’S ACCUSATIONS OF COOKIE THEFT—Says Hand in Cookie Jar Was “Mere Coincidence”

New Michigan football coach Rich Rodriguez denied reports today that his mother found him stealing cookies from a jar in her kitchen.

Arlene Rodriguez said she found the former WVU head coach with his hand “up to his elbow” in a glass jar of coconut-chocolate chip cookies with "brown smudges on his chin.”  The younger Rodriguez said the accusations are a smear campaign.

“I made three dozen of those cookies just the night before, but after Rich scurried away when I surprised him, I counted only twenty-four,” said the Rodriguez matriarch. “What happened to the other twelve?”

The accusations first appeared in a story Wednesday in the Home and Hearth section of the Charleston (WV) Gazette

Rodriguez broke his silence in an interview with the Toledo Bee-Sentinel and attributed the reports to jealous rivals.

“Look at the timing. All this nonsense comes right in the middle of recruiting season, when I have to go into kids’ homes and talk to their parents. And now their moms have to worry about leaving me alone near the kitchen? That’s not right. And furthermore, why would I snack? Anyone who has followed my career knows that I like to stay hungry, stay humble.”

Rodriguez’ agent, Mike Brown, issued a press release asserting that the story was false and that the public should not pass judgment until all the facts are out.

Brown stated: "After all, how do we know that Coach Rodriguez ate the cookies just because he was the last person seen near them? He’s a hard worker, and those brown smudges on his face could have been from perspiration and the toil of a long day’s labor. And how do we know that the cookies are actually missing. And just who is this 'Arlene' woman and what is her agenda?”

Brown suggested the story was planted by West Virginia Governor Joe Manchin, WVU President Mike Garrison, WVU Athletic Direct Ed Pastilong, WVU Mascot Gregory Foster, WVU Student Union night janitor Purvis Steele, 9-year old Mountaineer fan Jimmy Potts, and his dog Skippy.

ESPN.com featured Brown’s release in a story entitled “West Virginia Picking on Rodriguez Again,” which appeared just above a column lauding SEC football dominance and an editorial calling for more institutional oversight over major college athletics. 

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written on January 30, 2008 Humor

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