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Oakland Raiders' Al Davis Orders New Coach

Mike SommersContributor IMay 30, 2016

Here is the scene: Al Davis in the "Coaches Diner" drive thru in his big wing, '70s Cadillac, hanging out the window with his glasses and neck chain...

(girl on the speaker): Hello, welcome to the Coaches Diner, can I help you?

Al: (like the manager in the movie "Office Space") yyyeeeaaahhhh.... (smackin' his lips like old people do).... I would like to order......ummmmmmm yeeeahhh .... ummmmmm...

Girl: Sir can you hurry up and order your coaches, the season is getting short...

....ummmmmmmm (scratching his head)..... how is the Coaches Deluxe meal?

Girl: (snipping back)... Uh.. It's GREAT...

Al: What comes in that?

Girl: That meal comes with a Championship head coach and two seasoned Coordinators, with a super playbook on the side......(kinda whispering) it is kinda expensive sir.....

Al: Do they want to be paid in full??

GIRL: DUH..... OF COURSE THEY DO!!.... you have to pay for quality sir...

Al: Dam... I hate that!.... Well what do you have in a small meal... say.. just a head coach with a useless contract??

Girl: Sir???? weren't you in here two years ago and bought the Kiffin meal?

Al: (concealing his voice a bit) UH ummmmm.... no that wasn't me!!......

Girl: uhhh ok (in disbelief)

Al: (takes a deep breath).... OK I know what I want..... I would like to order the Harbaugh package.... and can you take out the power and control.... I already have plenty in the car already....

Oh and can you give me that with a small contract and a lawsuit on the side????

Girl: Is that it?

Al: ooooops i almost forgot... can you give me an order of DRAMA for my fans????

Girl: Sure can.... do you want to "Supersize" that??

Al: Just Supersize, Baby!!

Girl: OK sir, that will be $986,000.....


Girl: OK

Al: do you take food stamps?

Girl: Just pull forward!!

Girl: (to co worker) Man this old geezer comes in just about every year and buys a coaching meal.... but he always gets the half-asssed meals..... I feel sorry for him (and his fans) .... We should just give him the Coaches Deluxe Meal......

Co-worker: (in his L.T. jersey) HELL NO!!!.. Screw that old fart!!....

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