Coach from the Couch: Went to a Party and the Super Bowl Broke Out

Think of the best parties you’ve been to over the last few years. 

New Year’s Eve parties, Christmas parties, and Halloween parties typically come to mind. But probably the best of the best have to be Super Bowl parties.

How sad is that?

Any other week of the season, a couch, beer, a few buddies, and a pool table make for the perfect NFL experience. There is no reason for non-NFL types to participate. It only detracts from the game.  

So why, OH WHY, has the Super Bowl turned into such a circus that the game is more or less the low point of Super Bowl weekend?

More people look forward to pregame, postgame, halftime, and commercials than they do the actual contest. I find that perplexing and amazingly annoying all at the same time.

First and foremost, there are WAY too many people sitting on the football throne commonly known as the couch. 

You have to wait until someone vacates a good spot, swoop in and take it, bring five extra beers and hope you don’t have to go to the bathroom so you lose said fantastic spot. 

Even when you have a great spot, it's so crowded someone is always “touching” you—very distracting.

Second, all the background discussions going on amongst people who are just there for a party and not watching the Super Bowl is an extreme distraction. Who cares whose brother's sister's daughter’s hot dog vendor's girlfriend got a tattoo on their backside (well, ok maybe this is a little more interesting)—but discuss this stuff AFTER the game.

The game is a time for quiet, solitude, beer drinking, and yelling at the TV—not talking to each other. Sheesh, you’d think some people had never watched football before. 

Third, the snacks are not conveniently located in front of you personally, like every other game of the year. You have to go to the hors d'oeuvre common area to get food, and yet again you lose your seat. If you hoard up on the snacks, the darn things are cold by the time you get around eating them, so you just end up throwing them at the TV. 

Finally—and this is the most disgusting of all NFL chicanery during the Super Bowl—the players get so hyped up it's like they are also at a party; not at work getting down to the primary business of playing football. 

In the future, I think there should be a Super Bowl Party Day. Then the day after, the actual game would take place. 

Get all the commercials, gossip, food, and drink out of the way. Then the Super Bowl can be about football, instead of whatever the heck it has turned into now. 

This Coach from the Couch is hoping to keep his throne for the Super Bowl and will not inviting anyone over. But more than likely, one of the relatives will be having a party and I will be standing up, watching from a corner, talking about the foot ailments...