Packers Fury: Cheesehead Nation Protests Bleacher Report Author

Andrew SchiffAnalyst IJanuary 28, 2008

A wild protest was staged outside the apartment of Bleacher Report contributor Andrew Schiff in New York for his controversial article on legendary Green Bay Packer quarterback Brett Favre.

Schiff had reported that Favre and his homosexual lover center Scott Wells had recently announced their undying devotion on national television.

"I'm shocked," a nervous but undeterred Schiff admitted in a local radio show. "I didn't realize I was unleashing a such firestorm."

Thousand of Packers fans, Cheeseheads, NFC Central loyalists, and even some Bears fans came out with signs and placards protesting the freelance journalist.

"How dare he besmirch such a fine American as Brett Favre," an angry Milwaukee, Wisconsin resident Mike Arnold said with disgust. "Sure Brett loves the ballet, but that don't mean he's a sissy." 

George Wilson, who made the 17 hour trek from Edina, Minnesota, was in tears.

"I'm a Vikings fan. I hate the Packers, but that bastard went over the line when he maligned one of the finest human beings that ever walked the planet."

Wilson, a retired plumber, said he wanted to stand in solidarity with his fellow NFC Central dwellers. 

"It's brought us all closer together," Wilson added.

Schiff has not been able to leave his one bedroom apartment since the protesters began picketing last night. He's been holed up in his room, watching reruns of Laverne and Shirley and reduced to eating oatmeal. 

"I've always liked oatmeal," Schiff admitted, "but not this much."

Husband and wife Hank and Louise Smyth, Packers fans since they could barely walk, were heartbroken when they read the article Schiff published and were recent arrivals to the scene.

"It's just despicable," a red-eyed Mr. Smyth related. "If Mr. Schiff considers himself to be a serious journalist, he better retract that article. True or not."

The couple describes how Mr. Favre actually married them ten years ago at the fifty-yard line in Lambeau Field. "It was a beautiful ceremony. I didn't realize that Brett was a minister on the side. That man is so talented."

Countless stories about Brett Favre's humanity filled the brisk New York winter air.

Phillip Schumacher, a machinist from Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin, related a memorable event.

"Well, I was stranded on the highway with a flat tire. My arthritis was just killing me. All of a sudden a car pulls over, a 1990 Oldsmobile, and out pops Favre wearing his Packers uniform. First, I was angry ‘cause he was wearing his white road jersey (instead of the more preferred green version), you know the one Pack wore in Super Bowl II to beat the Raiders. It even had a streak of chocolate ice cream on it."

Schumacher quickly got over his momentary anger, when Favre not only fixed the stranger's flat tire, but changed his oil, too. He even fixed his transmission.

"It makes me cry, just to think of it," Schumacher admits.

Word spread of Schiff's work fast. The UN is even considering sanctions. It would mark the first time that the United Nations has ever declared sanctions on a person. 

"Oh, well," an exasperated but philosophical Schiff admitted, "at least I'm making history."