Adam Dunn will go down in baseball history as having one of the worst seasons ever after this year. He is hitting forty points below .200 and has not even hit ten home runs as of this writing. This is a list of potential people that can take the reigns temporarily or permanently for Dunn in the lineup. People who can manage to hit .200 or better. People that can actually get a hit against left-handed hitters and won't strikeout once a game. In other words people that are reliable.
***This is a satirical article. None of these candidates are supposed to be actual replacements for Dunn(I think). Hopefully the Big Donkey can sort out his problems at the plate. Because I think he's still a good slugger despite his struggles.***
Jerry Reinsdorf is the majority owner of the Chicago White Sox. He is also owner of the Chicago Bulls. During his reign as Bulls and Sox owner he has won six NBA Championships and the first World Series victory for the Sox since 1917; so this guy clearly knows how to win.
Southpaw is the mascot for the White Sox. He is a Dinosaur or a really big lizard or something like that. He may be a pitcher by trade but he just might have to pick up a bat and fill in for Dunn. Southpaw would also make MLB history by being the first nonhuman to play in a baseball game. He would also be the first player to have four digits on his hands to play in the Show.
Sure the Hall of Famer maybe old enough to start drawing from Social Security; but if there was a position player who defied age it was Carlton Fisk. He played one of the most grueling positions in the game and was an excellent power hitter. If he can win a Silver Slugger at the catching position at the age forty-one, surely he can come back as a Designated Hitter.
Michael Jordan briefly played in the White Sox organization as a Minor Leaguer. He hit .250 in Double A; so he wasn't a terrible hitter. Who knows if he had stuck with it he could've made it to the MLB. .250 is a lot better than Dunn's .160 average; so Jordan could be a potential replacement.
Harold Baines is currently the first base coach for the White Sox. He has nearly 3,000 hits and had a couple of good years when he got older. Maybe he and Dunn can swap positions: Dunn can coach first and Baines can become the DH and maybe play long enough to get 3,000 hits.
Baines spent a good portion of his career as a DH, so he is familiar with the position. Even though he had knee surgery recently, nobody should put anything against Baines.