Nebraska Football: Bo Pelini, the Textbook Defnition of...Something

(Bo Pelini, refraining from going pelini after learning of the inclusion of "Pelini" in the Urban Dictionary)

Welcome to another edition of the Husker Hotwire, the sometimes-weekly, sometimes-funny look at Husker athletics!

According to the Urban Dictionary, a new word has been born:

pel-i-ni (adj.): A violent rage that cannot be controlled, often expressed in Tourette's-like cursing accompanied with demonic facial contortions. An angry sense of entitlement that will cause you to treat anyone around you with contempt and physical brutality, including game officials, innocent cameramen or possibly your own team. Yo—I said I wanted those eggs over medium, I'm about to go Pelini up in here!!!! @#$%$$%!!!!!!

During the Callahan era (or, to continue the Star Wars theme from last issue, the "dark times...the Empire") Nebraska fans worried about whether the Huskers would remain relevant nationally. Somehow, Hotwire staff members suspect that having the face of the Nebraska program become synonymous with uncontrollable rage wasn't quite what the Children of the Corn had in mind at the time.

The real Bo Pelini has not commented on his newest brush with fame. The fake one, on Twitter @FauxPelini, observed that "[i]t is about damn time" that he made it onto the site. You know that's a fake Twitter account, because does anyone believe that the real Pelini wouldn't use the "It's" contraction there?

Still, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Unless you're Ohio State, in which case there's so much bad publicity that even P.T. Barnum would be asking the newspaper guys to lay off a little bit.

But Pelini's detractors point out that his sideline antics and angry demeanor hurt Nebraska on the field and in recruiting. And they have a point. After all, there are plenty of examples of coaches who swear and yell and have been colossal failures. Like Mike Krzyzewski. Or Nick Saban. Or Mike Leach. Or Bobby Knight.

Hotwire staff members, however, are certain that Pelini could out-distance Knight's chair throw by at least 10 yards.

Psycho Ex-Girlfriend Update

The Hotwire editorial staff never intended for this to be an ongoing feature of the sometimes-weekly, sometimes-funny look at Husker athletics. Indeed, most Hotwire staffers have enough personal connection with this update for them to avoid it at all costs.

But sometimes the news requires media outlets to be brave. In this case, the Daily Oklahoman's Berry Tramel is back. Previously, Tramel made the Hotwire (which must have been a highlight of his career) by saying that the Big XII was happy Nebraska was gone. Now, Tramel has observed that Nebraska was right all along about the Longhorn Network being bad for the rest of the conference.

It's a sad, but all-too-familiar pattern in a relationship. A messy breakup, followed by messages about how happy one side is about the split, followed shortly thereafter by voicemails about how the other side was right all along in those silly arguments.

Unfortunately, many Hotwire staff members are painfully aware of what comes next, and would suggest that Nebraska athletic director Doctor Tom Osborne be careful when stepping out of his house, or opening e-mails coming from a certain address.

Beeonegee Conference Update

At the Husker Hotwire, we are committed to providing ongoing coverage of Nebraska's new conference-mates in the B1G. Buckeye Hotwire is relieved to see the story about ESPN suing Ohio State for not complying with freedom-of-information-act requests to the university.

Not only does the story provide more chances to write about courtrooms and lawyers, but it continues to put off any discussion about football, which Buckeye Hotwire staff members have all but forgotten how to cover during this offseason.

Around the Hotwire Network

Tiger Hotwire reports that Auburn is still under NCAA investigation for a number of items, including the recruitment of Cam Newton. Tiger Hotwire cannot confirm, however, the report that the BC$ National Championship Trophy and Heisman Trophy on display in Auburn came with UPS return shipping labels. Of course, they can't deny the report, either.

Buckeye Hotwire reports that not-yet-fired Ohio State athletic director Gene Smith vacated Ohio State's 2010 wins and placed the school on two years probation for the whole Jim Tressel controversy.

Smith also said that any further punishment from the NCAA, such as postseason bans or scholarship limitations, would be responded to "offensively." Which should work just fine, just like Ohio State's two-game suspension of Tressel when the whole kerfuffel broke in March.

Lobo Hotwire reports that DeShon Marmon will not be prosecuted after his arrest for wearing saggy pants on an airplane. No word from the Lobo coaching staff as to whether Marmon will be permitted to wear his pants low on the field.

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