I love ESPN. I can't believe that 25 years ago, the majority of sports news was received via the morning paper. I love the fact that 25 years ago, men got together and said, "You know what I want someday? Coverage of the WNBA draft."
Now, of course, the WNBA wasn't in existence back then, but I'm sure the visionaries who came up with ESPN knew that by creating an all sports network that eventually it would lead to a professional women's basketball league. And if they did know it, then why didn't they send a cyborg back in time, Terminator-style, to stop them from creating this monster?
I'll tell you something else I love, strippers...I mean, college football. Oh, and Erin Andrews. But mainly college football. However, there are a few things that I wish ESPN would tweak so that I didn't have to complain about them here. So, without further ado, the list.
1. Mark May
I understand that at one point he was a great football player. And I'm sure he has one, maybe even two, people that genuinely like him. But there is not one person I know that thinks Mark May is insightful. Mainly, they think he's a pompous d-bag. No offense to people who like Mark May, all one of you.
2. Lou Holtz's Lisp
I love Lou Holtz. Last year, a group of friends and I went to the Notre Dame-Stanford game in Palo Alto. On Friday night, Holtz gave one of his pep talks to Notre Dame and we were ready to run through walls for Lou. But come on, who on earth can listen to him without thinking, "My lord, is he 7 years old?"
3. Female Play-By-Play Announcers
Don't get me wrong here, I'm all for female announcers. But you need to find ones that work. Erin Andrews works. She is as knowledgeable a sports fan as you'll ever meet. But she isn't trying to break down an offensive blocking scheme like the girls upstairs. And when a big play happens, there is nothing worse than having a women scream about it. I'm sorry, but Gus Johnson should call every sporting event. Period.
4. Lee Corso's Makeup Situation
Let's just say I'm frightened to see what Corso really looks like. My guess is that it's somewhere between the Crypt Keeper and the bad guy in Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade when he drinks from the wrong grail. I think Corso is a great analyst, but he wears more makeup than Krusty the Clown.
5. Jesse Palmer's Upper Body
Listen Jesse. It's perfectly okay to go to a tailor to get your shirts made so they fit right. You don't have to shop at Target anymore. Your collars are too tight, your sleeves are too short, and what is the deal with your ties? A tie should go down to your belt, it should not stop above your belly button. Did you accidentally go to the "How Little Boys Dress" meeting instead of the grown-ups meeting?
Oh, and if we could get an "Erin Andrews Cam" on ESPN360.com that would also be greatly appreciated.
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