Top 25 Frowns in Sports Today
Nobody expects professional athletes to look thrilled to be alive constantly. After all, money and fame aren't everything. These guys are some of the biggest competitors in professional sports, and it shows on their faces at all times.
These guys need to take a lesson from Cole Hamels, a guy who is a huge competitor but also looks like he appreciates the fact that he's married to a model and playing professional baseball for a living!
Cheer up guys! Keep the intensity and the desire to be the best, but try to look like you're happy to be there every now and again.
25. Allen Iverson, Beşiktaş Cola Turka
Iverson had a chip on his shoulder from a young age after he was unjustly convicted of felony "maiming by mob" following a fight at a bowling alley. After four months in prison he was granted clemency by the governor, and his conviction was ultimately overturned due to insufficient evidence.
24. Jake Delhomme, Cleveland Browns
Jake Delhomme transitioned from serviceable NFL quarterback to the weeping sad sack he is today (pictured left) on January 10, 2009, in what was one of the most unforgettably dreadful performances in NFL playoff history.
Cheer up Jake: Despite the fact that the rest of the world could tell that performance was just a sign of things to come, the Panthers still signed you to a five-year deal worth $42.5 million, with $20 million of that guaranteed! Plus, you've still got a job, even if it's with the Browns.
23. Manny Ramirez
Unlike his batting average, Manny Ramirez's attitude ran hot and cold through his 18 years in Major League Baseball. Unfortunately, his endless tantrums and disgraceful retirement amid steroid accusations are what most of us will remember about one of the greatest ever to play the game.
Cheer up Manny: You managed to bilk enough money from the Red Sox and Dodgers that you can be just Manny, and nothing else, full-time for the rest of your life. Assuming $204,807,769 is enough to finance that endeavor.
22. Roberto Luongo, Vancouver Canucks
From game to game in the Stanley Cup Final against the Boston Bruins, his performance shifted from unstoppable to embarrassing. The Bruins ultimately prevailed over the inconsistent Luongo.
Cheer up Roberto: People have recovered from worse, and Canadians seem like a forgiving bunch. Plus you earned a little Canuck capital in 2010 when you brought home Olympic gold by defeating the United States in an OT stunner.
21. Carlos Zambrano, Chicago Cubs
Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano isn't one to hide his feelings, and he's got a lot of feelings. He's well known for freaking out and getting himself ejected from games. He's also well known for getting himself ejected from games and then freaking out.
Cheer up Carlos: It's just baseball...
20. Brett Favre, Mercifully Retired
Even before his skid into the career gutter, Brett Favre wasn't known as a particularly jovial fellow when he wasn't scoring touchdowns. It really is a shame the old gunslinger went out like this.
Cheer up Brett: Despite a humiliating end to your career, you've got 100 million clams in the bank! Plus you can throw all the interceptions you want in your Mississippi backyard without having to answer to the media.
19. Gilbert Arenas, Orlando Magic
Three-time NBA All-Star Gilbert Arenas hit a bit of a rough patch before being traded from the Wizards to the Magic in 2010. The rough patch included a season-long suspension from the NBA after an altercation with a teammate over a gambling debt; it was discovered that both had unloaded firearms in their lockers.
Cheer up Gilbert: D.C. has fairly strict gun laws, and you managed to avoid jail time, and you don't have to play for the Wizards anymore. Plus, despite being flippant about gun safety, you managed to not shoot yourself in the leg.
18. David Ortiz, Boston Red Sox
Boston Red Sox DH David Ortiz isn't known for being a miserable bastard or anything, but he rarely looks anything beyond mildly interested.
Cheer up Papi: You're playing baseball for a living! For the Boston Red Sox!
17. Daniel and Henrik Sedin, Vancouver Canucks
If you had to point the finger at two people on the planet responsible for the Canadian Hockey Riots of 2011, aside from Vancouver Canucks goalie Roberto Luongo, it would have to be Daniel and Henrik Sedin.
Cheer up Roberto: Although Canadians seem like a forgiving bunch, it's too bad you're Swedish and don't have that Olympic gold medal to deflect some of the hostility.
16. Kendrick Perkins, Oklahoma City Thunder
The Thunder's Kendrick Perkins is as well known for looking angry as he is for playing basketball. Like most people, I assumed he was still stunned about the Celtics' inexplicable decision to trade him at midseason.
Nope. He literally always looks like this.
15. Barry Zito, San Francisco Giants
He's done okay in SF but hasn't lived up to his contract: He was left off the Giants' postseason roster last year but still received a World Series ring as part of their full roster.
Cheer up Barry: Thus far you've earned $79,735,000, and that's set to double by 2014; who cares if you're not great at pitching? You surf, play guitar and dated Alyssa Milano! Seeing you frown is offensive.
14. Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic
Three-time Defensive Player of the Year and five-time All-Star Dwight Howard is one of the NBA's shining stars. He's great at basketball and greater at being a human being. He's got a charity, devotes his time to kids and is committed to enriching the community.
Cheer up Dwight: You might be the greatest role model in professional sports.
13. Eli Manning, New York Giants
Cheer up Eli: There are worse things in life than being the less attractive, less successful brother of Peyton Manning. In a world without Peyton, you'd be considered an overwhelming success.
12. Terrell Owens, NFL Free Agent
11. Roger Federer
Nadal first shocked Federer in 2004 in their first match at the Miami Masters by defeating Federer in straight sets. It was a sign of things to come. Currently Nadal leads their overall head-to-head series 17-8, and Federer has sunk from one of the "best ever" to a guy who just can't compete with Nadal.
Cheer up Roger: You are Andy Roddick's Rafael Nadal! That's gotta make you feel good.
10. Blake Griffin, Los Angeles Clippers
NBA All-Star and Rookie of the Year Blake Griffin is a ray of hope to the tens of LA basketball fans that aren't Lakers fans. Despite his stellar rookie season with the Clippers and fat paycheck, he generally looks less than amused.
Cheer up Blake: You're my favorite player in the NBA—isn't that enough? Kidding! You're a franchise savior and living the life in Los Angeles. Enjoy it bra.
9. Dez Bryant, Dallas Cowboys
Cheer up Dez: You exceeded expectations your rookie year and thus far have managed to prove wrong all the people who questioned your character prior to the draft.
8. Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts
7. Tiger Woods
The last couple years have not been the best of Tiger's illustrious career. There's no denying that. Now he has to answer questions about cocky hotshot Rory McIlroy having the potential to surpass his greatness, which you know has to make him insane.
Cheer up Tiger: You live for sticking it to people, and when you do make your glorious comeback, because I know you will, it will be even better. Plus you've got one of the best smiles in professional sports. Don't deprive the world of it.
6. Jay Cutler, Chicago Bears
Look at this guy, seriously. Have you ever seen someone who routinely looks more miserable than NFL quarterback Jay Cutler? I'm not sure what he's looking for in life, but apparently a huge pile of money, a pretty amazing job and a smoking hot fiance are not good enough.
Cheer up Jay: Frowning really accentuates your chin, which is the one thing in life that hasn't gone your way.
5. Braylon Edwards, New York Jets
Obviously Braylon Edwards isn't going to be smiling in court, but he spends every day looking like he's facing a judge.
4. Dany Heatley, Minnesota Wild
Dany Heatley is a lovely combination of demanding and whiny. He's also pretty good at hockey, so he gets away with this behavior, kind of like a less destructive T.O. within the context of the game—although off the ice he's been a little more destructive than T.O.
3. Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat
We all know that Dwyane Wade lost in the 2011 NBA Finals to Dirk Nowitzki and the Dallas Mavericks, but he tends to look like he lost the championship most days. He's a well-known good guy off the court, and you know he's got some championships in his future.
2. Bill Belichick, New England Patriots
Cheer up Bill: Year after year, you and Tom Brady manage to convince yourselves and the entirety of the sports media that the Patriots are underdogs despite a decade of evidence to the contrary—and there's no team in history that plays the "no respect" card like you guys. That's gotta make you smile, right?
1. Alex Rodriguez, New York Yankees
Alex Rodriguez has no reason to look like this at all times.
Literally. No. Reason. I find it offensive, and you should too.
He's the highest-paid player in history, he's got an endless line of hot chicks entering and exiting his life, he plays for the legendary New York Yankees and he's got a really amazing smile hidden behind that pathetic gaze.
Cheer up A-Rod: Seriously, cheer up. Looking even the slightest bit forlorn is a slap in the face to the American public.