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The Real All-Americans: The All-Presidents Football Team

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The Real All-Americans: The All-Presidents Football Team

With all the pressure and constant squabbling going on with the 2008 Elections, I decided it was time to have a little fun.  I wondered, what positions would certain Presidents play if they decided to form a football team?  So I came up with this position chart.

Since all the Presidents did not play football, these are just my own thoughts and opinions.  I looked at the Presidents' heights, weights, reputations, achievements, etc. and gave them their positions.

As a side note, I have to say that this is not biased toward any political party and is not meant to be anything but a fun little article.  Enjoy!

 

OFFENSE

Quarterback: John F. Kennedy

Quarterbacks have always been known as "pretty boys," and JFK fits that description the best.  Only the quarterback would have dated a lady like Marilyn Monroe.  He is the perfect fit.

 

Running Back: Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt

The leader of the famed "Rough Riders" would have made a great hard-nosed running back.  Teddy once said, "In short, in life, as in a football game, the principle to follow is: Hit the line hard; don't foul and don't shirk, but hit the line hard!"

 

Fullback: Ulysses S. Grant

Who else but the General who pounded General Lee into submission to be the man who plows the way for Roosevelt?

 

Wide Receiver: Abraham Lincoln

Being the tallest President at six feet four inches makes Lincoln the perfect choice to go out and get those jump balls thrown by Kennedy.

 

Wide Receiver: Thomas Jefferson

The writer of the Declaration of Independence is the speedy wide receiver on the opposite side of Lincoln.  The man who wanted freedom is able to break coverage and get open.

 

Tight End: Bill Clinton

Clinton grew up an Arkansas Razorback fan, and at six feet two inches tall would make a very good tight end on this team.  Clinton could avoid all kinds of coverage and just get open.  The word "tight" is also very important.

 

Offensive Line: William Howard Taft, Gerald Ford, James Garfield, Warren G. Harding, and James Monroe

The line is, of course, anchored by Taft at left tackle.  Taft was by far the heaviest President, tipping the scales at 332 pounds—perfect for protecting Kennedy's blind side.

At center is Gerald Ford (pictured above), who played center for the University of Michigan on National Championship teams in 1932 and 1933.

The rest of the line is filled with Presidents who were also big for their time, at least size-wise.

DEFENSE

Defensive Line: Lyndon Johnson, Chester A. Arthur, Grover Cleveland, and Herbert Hoover

The line on defense is captained by the big Texan, Johnson at tackle.  On the line with him are Presidents who could stop progress, led by Hoover, who was President during the Great Depression.

 

Middle Linebacker: Andrew Jackson

Only "Old Hickory" from Tennessee could be the captain of the defense.  Stubborn and angry, Jackson was a barroom brawler before, during, and after his Presidency.  He is the perfect choice to call all the blitzes and attacks.

 

Weak side Linebacker:  George Washington

Washington led the underdog United States to victory against the British.  He used hit and run attacks to keep the British off balance.  That is a great tactic for coming on the weak side blitz as well.

 

Strong side Linebacker: Dwight D. Eisenhower

Ike commanded the Allies in World War II, so he can also come up and stop the run or cover the tight end on the strong side.  Ike was also played in the historic game between Army and Carlisle in 1912.  He was knocked out of the game after trying to tackle the great Jim Thorpe.

 

Cornerback:  Harry S. Truman

The President who ordered the nuclear attacks on Japan can also lower the big boom coming on a blitz from the corner.

 

Cornerback: John Adams

The second President of the United States could get in people's faces while in office.  This means he can also play great bump and run coverage.

 

Free Safety:  George H.W. Bush

The first Bush President has come over from baseball to play centerfield at free safety.  At six feet two inches, Bush can get up and pick off wayward passes.

 

Strong Safety:  George W. Bush

The headhunting President will attack anyone wearing a different color jersey and hit him with everything he's got.  Bush proved that by going to war with the Taliban and Iraq.

SPECIAL TEAMS

Punter/Kicker: Millard Fillmore

The most irrelevant president is a perfect choice for kicker.

 

Punt Returner: Ronald Reagan

The man who played George "The Gipper" Gipp in Knute Rockne, All American, is the perfect choice to return punts.  Reagan might not look like he knows what he is doing and dance around too long, but he will find the hole and take it in for six.

 

Kick Returner: James Madison

He is only five feet four inches tall and weighs only 100 pounds.  However, that makes him the perfect little "scat back" that can hide behind those blockers and make an impact

 

And who will lead this all-President team?

Head Coach: Franklin Delano Roosevelt

The Joe Paterno of Presidents.  He served the longest as President and also was Commander-in-Chief during America's most trying times, the Great Depression and World War II.  Who better to lead this team than FDR?

And by request, I have added one more...

Video Coordinator: Richard Nixon

A great football fan himself, "Tricky Dick" would be the man in charge of taping the opponents signals.  Of course if he got caught he would deny the whole thing.

So there you have it.  Remember to get out and vote on November 4.

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