San Antonio Spurs: George Hill and the 10 Worst Moves in Franchise History
Where does George Hill rank in the annals of the greatest Spurs guards ever? Well, he’s not quite Johnny Moore. Hill isn’t even quite Tony Parker, but Naked George isn’t just exposed liver—ask your chick.
Trading Parker’s competent backup could possibly be one of the biggest mistakes the Spurs have made. To add to the scientific body of knowledge surrounding the Spurs, I’ve composed a list of some of the biggest mistakes the organization has made.
Where exactly does the Hill trade rank? Well, you’ll have to ride the slides to find out.
10. The Skylarks of Cherokee Bryan Parks
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Parks was to River Walk night life what light is to the Illuminati.
Not that Parks is a member—not that I, or anyone else would know—but Cherokee lived for the after dark and to see the Egyptian pyramids. He also has a skull tattooed on his right wrist and another on his calf.
I don’t recall him being jailed, but he was an arrested development in public—being one of the tallest persons in the city. His work on the basketball court (1.5 points per game), unfortunately, couldn’t rival his work on the Walk.
9. Richard Jefferson’s Summer Boot Camp
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Hyped as the missing piece to a Spurs championship, R.J. could walk out of town strutting like former El Paso, Texas resident, Sherman Hemsley (George Jefferson on television).
Not many Spurs fans would care. Richard responded to his critics and his new contracts with one of the worst two seasons an alleged “savior” ever had in the NBA.
8. Trading Theo Ratliff
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The Spurs desperately needed a shot-blocking center to save them against the Phoenix Suns in the 2010 Western Conference playoffs.
Ratliff’s shot-blocking was thereafter sorely missed in San Antonio. Suns guard Goran Dragic owned the painted lane in sweeping the Spurs.
7. Dealing Fabricio Oberto for Jefferson
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I pray Fab lives a long life after his successful operation to correct his heart condition. Fab was the oldest Spurs rookie ever. He was traded to Detroit for Richard Jefferson in a three-team deal including Milwaukee.
If only the Spurs knew then what Illuminati Freemasons know now. Jefferson is not the light at the end of the tunnel.
6. Signing Roger “Free” Mason, Jr.
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A solid citizen and very intelligent individual, Mason knew his time had come to leave San Antonio, or to break free. Maybe the toilet paper in the trees of his mansion was a sign.
I don’t know if his home experienced anonymous toilet-paperings, but his three-point shot and point guard skills certainly flushed themselves down the proverbial Texas toilet.
I don’t know if Roger is a Freemason, but Illuminati conspiracy theories usually make reading exciting.
5. Signing Derek Anderson
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An enlightened Anderson—so he thought—Derek joined the Spurs for the 2000-01 campaign and was thought to be a better version of Mario Elie. The Spurs won the title in the strike-shortened 1998-99 campaign with Elie being a key cog—providing toughness to a soft team.
A good scorer in the open court, Anderson was thought to be a key cog for future title runs.
In a blaze of light, Anderson shot out of the Alamo City by airplane after one season to go join the Portland Trail Blazers.
4. Luis “International Baller Supreme” Scola
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The Argentinian has grown into a solid power forward in the NBA and a much respected international trailblazer player for Argentina.
The Spurs have spiraled ever since.
3. Dennis “The Menacing Worm” Rodman
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Dennis was rebounding and hustling royalty, often spiraling out of bounds for a loose ball—literally.
Then he funked up the Alamodome by famously removing his shoes during a game—the first time many NBA fans had seen anything like it. The Spurs knew something had gone terribly smelly, and Rodman was soon long gone. He was almost a model citizen in Chicago...almost.
His time with San Antonio could’ve given him more incentive to join the international banking Illuminati as a tool...or a fool.
2. Too Quick to Deal “Naked” George Hill
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Hill isn’t a first-rate facilitator, but he can score the ball by beating everyone else down the floor and banking on a fast break bucket.
His game was similar to Parker’s, but Hill was a better long-range shooter. Rookie Corey Joseph will have big shoes to fill for Naked Hill.
1. Failure to Properly Screen Alleged Pimp, Alvin Robertson
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Speaking of naked, the naked truth about Robertson is he’s one of the most disgusting NBA players ever. Drafted by the Spurs in 1984 with the seventh overall pick, Robertson is a very sick individual.
Defensive Player of the Year (1985-86), he was arrested in February 2010 and faces yet another assault charge. This one involves human trafficking and pimping a 14-year-old girl.
“Robertson has not exemplified the players that are with the Spurs today and that have been in the past time,” Bexar County Sherrif Amadeo Ortiz said in the article linked above.
As a father with a young daughter, here’s hoping Robertson gets what he deserves—justice to the fullest extent of the law.
You readers got what you deserved—laying the law down entertainment and social commentary at its finest via this article. That’s what you’ll always get from us. So join me next time on Lake’s Former Spurs Alleged Perverts Report.