While I cross formats into the online realm, I feel the need to bring something with me. Horrid grammar aside, I hate lists. Well I should be a little more specific, I hate that I write lists. People love lists. People need to compartmentalize. I don’t stop them, in fact, I encourage them—and it pains me.
But I started this list about two years ago and have kept it going in memory of my close and personal friend, Colt Murray.
So, the 25 rumors, I wish I could start are…
- Carolina Panther quarterback, Matt Moore, once offered to buy me a beer saying, “it’s all water under the bridge.”
- Presidential hopefuls John McCain and Barack Obama are both die-hard Cincinnati Bengals fans.
- Bob Knight has signed a contract to return to coaching. He will be the new head coach of the Newburgh Owls—a D-III school in northeastern Montana. The school currently has a 73-game losing streak and has only won three of the last 157.
- The “hit” show, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” is being sued by MLB Commissioner, Bud Selig, for false advertising.
- Speaking of Selig, Chiefs Herm Edwards called Selig after the 2002 MLB All-Star game outraged with the commissioner’s decision to end the game with no winner. He was later quoted as saying, “You play to win the game.”
- Portland center, Greg Oden, is made of Balsa wood.
- Meanwhile, Penn State’s Joe Paterno is made of steel.
- A few decades ago, a failing divorce lawyer in New York created a program called fantasy football to boost his business. His name is Donald Trump.
- Nascar is a sport.
- Rev. Jesse Jackson has started to petition the NFL. Jackson believes Charger defensive coordinator Ted Cottrell was fired because Head Coach Norv Turner is a bigot. Jackson says Turner is prejudice against people with a better resume.
- I usually agree with Rev. Jesse Jackson.
- Fox Sports reporter Danyelle Sargent is related to Mike Tyson. That explains why every time America stops talking about her, she does something else phenomenally stupid.
- Fred Glass was hired as the Athletic Director of Indiana. Oh, wait.
- North Carolina star, Tyler Hansbrough is a level 37 mage in World of Warcraft, a wind-up bartending robot in Second Life and hates Dungeons and Dragons.
- Tiger Woods drives a 1991 Buick LeSabre.
- When President Bush was recently asked about the use of A.I. for life-saving surgeries the President replied, “Well, he did go to Georgetown.”
- Sarah Palin thinks the NHL is just as fun to watch today as it was 10 years ago.
- The not-devil Rays players call manager, Joe Maddon “turducken” for short.
- Cleveland’s LeBron James and Portland’s Greg Oden hang out during the off-season. They don’t play video games or one-on-one, though. They try to see how old they can look.
- Jets quarterback, Brett Favre is not comfortable in Wrangler.
- Lil’ Jon is going to make a new album that is strictly audio cuts of post-game press conferences from the MLB, NBA, and NFL. He is going to put it over an 808 kick drum and a crazy synthesizer.
- If a woodchuck could chuck wood, it would chuck five pieces of wood.
- MMA is a sport.
- The NCAA is moving March madness back a week and will now be referred to as Mostly March Madness or simply, mmm....
- PETA recently sued Gatorade for the use of “gator” on their bottles.