If you want to see an utterly dominating 55 minutes of hockey, re-watch the first 55 minutes of this game.
The Sharks out-shot the Pens 34 to 11 on their way to defeating the Pens 2-1 at the Shark Tank.
For those of you who were unfortunate enough to be watching the game on FSN Pittsburgh, you got to experience one of the gayest pre-game shows since the Backstreet Boys sang the National Anthem before Game One of this year's World Series.
Sharks forward Devin Setoguchi apparently has an affinity for playing with cocks—shuttle cocks, that is. Setoguchi dabbles in the very masculine sport of badminton during his time off of the ice in the Sunshine State.
FSN wastes a valuable four minutes of each of its viewers lives allowing Setoguchi to describe the rules and regulations of badminton. During his explanation, he used the phrases "long and skinny" and "short and wide" which was more than enough to automatically allow my television to change the channel to re-runs of Will and Grace.
The game got underway and the Sharks looked sluggish during the opening 10 minutes of the first period.
The Sharks' sluggish nature provided the Penguins ample opportunities to take an early lead in the game, to which they responded by registering a measly three shots on goal in the period.
Jody Shelley and Eric Godard dropped the gloves about two minutes into the game. Shelley got the jersey over Godard's face and that spelled the end for the Pens enforcer.
Miroslav Satan was booked for tripping just seconds later, giving the Sharks the first power play of the game. Dany Sabourin, who was starting his second game of the season for Pittsburgh, was sensational during the ensuing power play, keeping the game scoreless.
At 9:48 of the first, Rob Blake went to the box for tripping and the Penguins carried all the momentum on to the power play.
A lot of good the momentum did them, as the Sharks got a shorthanded odd-man-rush and Joe Pavelski poked a loose puck behind Sabourin to give the Sharks a 1-0 lead.
If you're a Penguins fan looking to re-create the next 25 minutes of this game, bang your head against a brick wall repeatedly and then punch yourself in the stomach.
The Sharks out-skated, out-hit, and out-played the Pens through the rest of the first and the first 15 minutes of the second period. Pittsburgh managed just five shots in the second period, but Dany Sabourin turned aside 19 Sharks attempts to keep the score close.
You would expect the Penguins to have opened the third period with some desperation, which they did, well, sort of.
They were working hard in the offensive zone, but still struggling to get any pucks on the net. They matched their first period total of three shots in the third, only one of which got past Nabokov.
Mike Grier gave the Sharks a 2-0 lead at 12:52 of the second, as he whipped a backhand shot past Sabourin.
Michel Therrien began juggling the offensive lines, looking to generate some scoring chances.
Ruslan Fedotenko capitalized on one such chance when he took a Crosby pass in the slot and snuck one past Nabokov to end his bid for a shutout.
With just over five minutes remaining in the game, and the Sharks forcing the Penguins to play the puck along the boards on every offensive zone possession rather than into the slot, the Pens couldn't find a way to even the score.
Final Score: San Jose 2 Pittsburgh 1
•The last time the Penguins registered 11 shots on goal in an entire game was in 2003. Lasse Pirjeta, Rico Fata, and Milan Kraft probably had a lot to do with that stellar effort.
•Therrien needs to revert back to the lines from last season. Petr Sykora will not score another goal for the rest of the season playing alongside Jordan Staal. Satan was picked up for the sole reason of being Crosby's winger.
Where's Satan now? On the third line beside Max Talbot and Tyler Kennedy. Nothing against those two guys, but they aren't nearly the play makers that Crosby is.
•Sabourin was solid, again, stopping 32 of 34 shots.
•Matt Cooke needs to see more than a fourth liners' ice time to be effective. Cooke turned in a solid performance tonight after being moved to the third line due to Max Talbot missing the game. Cooke and Talbot have some good chemistry together and with Tyler Kennedy's streaky scoring nature, that combination would be a solid third line.
•Patrick Marleau might be the fastest skater in the league.
•The Sharks hit three posts tonight, and Crosby rang a puck off the cross-bar in the second period. You can't justify a loss with what-ifs, but this game could have been a lot worse.
•Evgeni Malkin now trails Alexander Semin in the NHL Points race by one point after picking up an assist against the Sharks.
•The Pens resume action on their road trip on Thursday night against the Gretzky-led Phoenix Coyotes. If I were a bettin' man...well, we'll leave that up to the professionals. (Lookin' at you Janet.)