January 24, 2008
Once again, the Super Bowl is upon us—and who can wait?
The Super Bowl and all of its traditions create the most watched spectacle of the year. Lets talk about all the wonderful traditions that make the event what it is.
First off, to begin the festivities we have a day dedicated to the media, where they ask all of the questions everyone else is dying to know. From what songs a player sings while showering to the obvious no brainers that anyone would ask if they had a chance to interview a player about to participate in the Super Bowl—like what there favorite color might be.
Former reporters have asked prime time worthy questions that only a true intellectual would think of—like the one that was asked to Doug Williams.
Williams, being the first quarterback of African American decent to possibly win a Super Bowl was asked the question that everyone wanted to know: "So Doug, how long have you been a black quarterback?"
Obviously award winning journalism. Rest assured, you can count on more little nuggets of intellect this year as well.
Another can't miss tradition of the Superbowl is the coin toss.
This can't miss event of flipping a round metal coin into the air to see which team will choose when they will receive the ball first is one of the most wagered events of the year. The excitement of risking your children's weekly food rations along with next months mortgage payment is one of the Super Bowl's magical traditions that gets the game underway.
Obscenities across the globe unite in one moment, as the man dressed as a combination of a zebra and a 1930's baseball player with stirups shouts heads or tails.
The next tradition that takes place after the first half of football is the halftime show.
This year's should be as memorable as all the rest. Everyone remembers the little mishap when Justin and Janet got the show confused with a late night HBO soft core porno flick—but don't worry, this has been since addressed. Every year since the incident, the only performers that are allowed to star in this coveted halftime show have been out of the limelight for a minimum of ten years plus.
Yes, the chances of a dislocated hip with stars like Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, Prince, Eddie Van Halen—and coming this year, Tom Petty—is far more likely then subjecting the virgin eyes of America and beyond to indecency.
The second half will then play out. A champion will be crowned and we will have the great privilege of having a Super Bowl MVP named.
The honor of MVP in the Superbowl comes with a commercial in which the famous question will be asked, "What are you going to do now?". The response is always "I'm going to Disney World."
A tradition yes—but c'mon now, lets be honest: you are worth millions of dollars, you have been practicing hard day in and day out to become a Super Bowl champion, and it probably is time for a vacation. Understandable, but Disney World?
Your hot model wife or girlfriend is sitting at home in your giant jacuzzi in your mansion, waiting to spend an off-season together—but hold the phone, I'm going to Disney World!?
If the Super Bowl MVP happens to be a pedophile looking to spend a weekend getaway in an amusement park full of giggling, playful twelve year old boys and girls, then yes, this truly is paradise and a great way to wind down a long hard season.
Go ahead buddy, knock yourself out—you deserve it.
Chances are (and perhaps I'm going out on a limb here) that the MVP of the Super Bowl's next achievement won't be gaming down little Timmy while riding through the Pirates of the Caribbean. That being said, I think it's time to put that tradition to bed, along with the Roman numerals. Who can read those things anymore?
In closing, the Super Bowl's traditions are what make most of the world tune in yearly for the crowning of football's greatest team. You don't have to be a die-hard to watch this game.
Whether it be for the journalism, your mortgage, the assisted living halftime show, the great commercials, or simply the curiosity of seeing which lucky guy gets to dance his way to Disney World, the game's rich traditions create the treat that comes onto everyone's television set year in and year out, and makes it a can't miss event.
Pop your popcorn and enjoy.
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