Have you got the best job in the world? Have you? Well, I was off sick the other day, and as I’d put my neck out, I wasn’t able to move about much.
If you’re wondering how I did it, well I was rappelling down a cliff face while trying to disarm a nuclear device…that had landed on the roof of an orphanage…when an earthquake struck…which caused a landslide…Yes, that’ll do.
What do you mean, implausible? Oh, all right. I SNEEZED. Okay? Satisfied now? Is my humiliation complete? Yep, one unexpected sneeze and I had all the flexibility of a rusty cyberman.
Anyway, I was wondering what people regarded as the best job in the world. So I did some checking on the Interweb and, after a brief search, found a list of the top twenty-six dream jobs. Some of the results weren’t what you might expect.
The most popular dream job was a rock star, which is hardly surprising. Predictably, film star and astronaut were also in the top five, third, and fourth respectively.
But what are most interesting are the unexpected entries. At number five in our hit parade is personal shopper, ten points higher than billionaire entrepreneur, at number fifteen. Surely if you’re a billionaire you can afford to go out and buy this stuff for yourself. And narrowly beating spa critic(no, not Francorchamps) at number seventeen is rock star’s private chef. Hmmm...
But my favourite has to be whale advocate. Now, call me out of touch, but what in God’s name is a whale advocate? Legal representation for a whale that’s up on a charge of tax fraud, perhaps?
“Yes, M’lud. I can personally vouch for the good character of this whale and request, if it pleases the court, that you keep Willy free! The defence rests. Oh, stop blubbering!”
Now, you may be wondering what all this has to do with our chosen subject. Well, languishing down in twentieth place is…
Racing driver.
Yes, you read it right. Being a racing driver is less popular than video game tester (18), cannabis farmer (9) and beer taster (7), but, encouragingly, slightly more popular than rock star nanny (24) and doctor (26).
Still, when you consider that there are thousands of job descriptions out there, twentieth isn’t too bad. There are still plenty of applicants for every vacancy. Many times over the years I have heard drivers say they have the best job in the world. Well, now we know that isn’t true. They only have the twentieth best job in the world.
But it does beg the question: if they think the job is so great, why do they spend so much time complaining about it? We’re always hearing things like, “I caught traffic on my hot lap,” or, “My rear tyres were graining,” and even, “He ought to learn what his mirrors are for.”
Oh, Miaow David!
But they’re all desperate to get to the pinnacle of motor sport, and when they do, they’re even more desperate to stay, until they start to look ridiculous compared to the next generation of young chargers.
Force India
Minardi used to be the ‘easy’ entry team for young drivers. If you brought enough sponsorship, you were in. It was certainly good enough for the likes of Fernando Alonso and Mark Webber. But since that team was sold and renamed Scuderia Toro Rosso, Force India have taken F1’s dubious mantle as the sport’s perennial back markers. But things at this likeable little team seem quite settled, with team owner Vijay Mallya recently saying that they will be retaining Giancarlo Fisichella and Adrian Sutil. Unless Fernando Alonso surprises everyone…
It is expected that they will be supplied with McLaren-Mercedes engines for next season, and possibly KERS and chassis as well. If this happens, there's a chance they may move up the grid, but don’t expect them to move too far. My guess is they’ll still be the wagging tail of the pack next year.
Honda
Do you remember a time when Honda was a serious player in F1? That was 2004, and the team (at that time, still BAR-Honda) finished second in the constructors’ championship with a walloping 119 points. But the last two years have been an appalling time for the Brackley outfit. This season to date, they have amassed just 14 points, and all of them in the first half of the season. The one ray of hope this year was Rubens Barrichello’s third place at a rain-affected Silverstone. Since then neither he nor Jenson Button have been in the points. Button’s seat is thought to be safe for the next year, although he is yet to put ink to a new contract.
Rubens Barrichello's position is much less certain. He was born in Sao Paulo, Brazil, in 1862 and is 146 years old.
Hang on, I think I’ve made a mistake.
No I haven’t.
Despite this apparent handicap, he has proven that he is still fast and hungry for success. However, this has not stopped the team from openly courting the services of Fernando Alonso, Bruno Senna, and Nelson Piquet have also been mooted as possible replacements. Enjoy the Brazilian Grand Prix; it may be our last chance to see this thoroughly likeable driver in an F1 car.
Williams
Williams is another team that has fallen on hard times, and can only reflect on past glories. Can it really be 11 years since they last won a World Championship? Can it really be four years since they last won a race? If the cards had fallen a little more kindly in Singapore, Nico Rosberg might have scored his maiden victory, but a 10-second stop and go meant he had to settle for second, but it was a fine drive. Surely it is only a matter of time…
There’s no change in the driver line-up, the team electing to retain Rosberg for a fourth season, and Kazuki Nakajima for his second.
Red Bull
Team Pipe & Slippers have had a woeful year, having scored a mediocre 29 points and looked positively second rate compared to their ‘B’ team. Blame has mainly been directed at the underpowered Renault engine, but Fernando Alonso seems to have found enough pace to win two races with it, so the unit can’t be that bad. Mark Webber is staying with the team next year, but David Coulthard is retiring to become an F1 pundit when the BBC takes over coverage from ITV.
Perhaps the arrival of Sebastian Vettel next year will inject a little life into the team. Let’s hope so.
Toro Rosso
It could be all change at Red Bull Lite. One thing’s for sure: Sebastian Vettel is leaving to join the sister team. As for the other seat, things are less clear. Sebastien Bourdais’ form has improved towards the end of the season, so he may have done enough to keep his drive. If nothing else, he won the sympathy vote after that dreadful stewards’ decision in Japan that robbed him of any points.
As for the other seat, a number of names have been mentioned: Takuma Sato, Tonio Liuzzi, Bruno Senna and Sebastien Buemi. Buemi is currently the frontrunner for a drive, if for no other reason than to keep the ‘Sebastien’ tradition going. Well, if it ain’t broke, why fix it?
Toyota
Timo Glock and Jarno Trulli are set to stay for another season. What more can you say about such an anonymous mid-field team? They have a huge budget, but manage to consistently underperform every year. Besides, how much sympathy can you have for the company that inflicted the Toyota Pious on the world?
Renault
This year’s drivers’ market has again been dominated by one man: you guessed it … Fernando Alonso. And he seems in no hurry to make his plans for next year public. Judging by the recent form of the Renault, however, it’s a good bet that he’ll be staying where he is. There were rumours earlier this year of a possible move to BMW, but Alonso’s insistence on a one-year contract scuppered that plan. Honda has made a big play for his services as well, but he is unlikely to take another step backwards.
Nelson Piquet may be waiting more anxiously than most, as his future at Renault may depend on whether Alonso stays or goes. If Alonso leaves the team, Piquet is probably safe - for now. If he stays, Piquet could well be booted out in favour of Lucas Di Grassi, the Renault test driver who has also been doing well in GP2.
Alonso is not expected to make his decision public until after the Brazilian Grand Prix.
BMW Sauber
After another strong season, BMW finally announced that they would be keeping Robert Kubica and Nick Heidfeld, although Heidfeld had been left to sweat for quite a while.
McLaren
There was never much doubt that Lewis Hamilton would be staying with the Woking team, although I did hear someone the other day postulate the idea that he may move to Ferrari in the next year or two. Can you imagine that? With Fernando Alonso almost certainly on his way to Maranello at the end of next season? If it happens, give me a deck chair and a box of popcorn and I’ll camp out outside the Ferrari garage. It’s bound to be more entertaining than the racing!
As for Heikki Kovalainan, he has also been retained for next year – but I am left to wonder…why? He’s not been that bad per se, but he’s hardly set the world on fire this year either. What’s more, he’s not been there to help Hamilton in the final few races, which has got to be a must for any number two – I mean joint number one.The only reason I can see is continuity. And the fact that the McLaren garage is a much more tranquil setting than it was last year.
Ferrari
A year ago, Kimi Raikkonen was scratching his head, wondering how he had won the world championship. This year he’s scratching his head, wondering why he hasn’t. His most obvious problem this year has been that he can’t get heat into his tyres during the crucial phases of qualifying. But that does not explain his lacklustre performances during the races. Nor is it obvious why he keeps putting in fastest laps. Answers on a post card please.
In contrast to this, Felipe Massa has had a blinder of a season, and stands poised to snatch the drivers’ championship from Hamilton.
Both drivers are confirmed for next year, although for a while many thought that Raikkonen was heading for early retirement.
As for test drivers, the only new name of note is Bruno Senna. If he doesn’t get a race drive next year, then he must surely fill the role of test driver for one of the F1 teams. The kudos of a famous name can open quite a few doors – just ask Nelson Piquet Jnr or Ralf Schumacher.
Earlier in the year, it was rumoured that Danica Patrick, currently driving for AGR in the US IndyCar series, was due to test for Honda, but sadly it was not to be. She would certainly have added a touch of glamour to the F1 paddock.
But imagine the sponsorship she would have brought with her…
“My sanitary towels are so effective, they keep me safe even in the whitest overalls.”
Urgh! Not a happy image. Almost as nauseating as Michael Schumacher’s L’Oreal ‘Because I’m worth it’ ad a few years back.
So there you have it. All the movers and shakers for 2009. All with a list of complaints as long as a Ferrari refuelling hose, and all believing they have the best job in the world…
But we know differently – Shhh! Keep it to yourselves.
12 comments Last one added 8 months ago — Leave a Comment
Ryan Wood 8 months ago
Great article, must have taken some time, but considering you can't move, what else are you going to do?
I have a feeling Heikki won't last into 2010, he'll be replaced by Paul Di Resta, and will partner the then double world champion Lewis Hamilton, (maybe).
POTD from me, a very enjoyable read.
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Ian Sheaver 8 months ago
Thanks Ryan. I think you're probably right aout Heikki. it's a shame, really. A lot of people had high hopes for him at the beginning of last season. Planet F1 had a poll amongst themselves over who would be rookie of the year - Lewis or Heikki - and Heikki came out on top. Just goes to show, Finns ain't what they used to be.
Regards,
Ian.
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einnahs 8 months ago
Urgh. My previous comment didn't get posted.
Great article again Ian, I hope your neck is better already...
The Finns are definitely not having a good year. I'd lose all faith in humanity if the real Kimi doesn't come back next season.
As for Heikki I can't help but feel he seems slightly uncomfortable at McLaren, not sure how things would pan out for him post-2009. With Lewis in McLaren till 2012, I'm not favouring anyone in the 2nd seat at Woking.
If Honda drops Barrichello they suck. Period. The guy's 200 yrs old and kicking Button's butt. What else are they expecting? If Alonso announces his move to Honda I will probably throw up from shock.
Btw, I'd like to see Alonso in a Ferrari one day, but not at the expense of the current 2. Rosberg needs to get out of Williams. Can't Renault get rid of Piquet and get Rosberg instead?
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Ryan Wood 8 months ago
No, we want Rosberg at Mclaren!
and yes, they'd treat him as an equal. If Lewis wins a WDC I think Mclaren will treat both equally, because Ron has fulfilled his aim or making his protege a World Champion.
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Ian Sheaver 8 months ago
Hi Einnahs. Glad you liked the article.
It's hard to understand what's been going on with Raikkonen this year. We know that he's been suffering with not being able to get heat into his tyres as quickly as Massa. that was ivident in China. After about 15 laps of a stint he suddenly seemed to come alive and start to chase down Hamilton, but that only left 5 laps or so to undo the damage before a pit stop. With such wide-ranging rule changes coming in next season, hopefully the cars will better suit his driving style.
Less reliance on aero, slick tyres and that extra bit of 'oomph' from the KERS device should shake things up a bit.
Heikki is something of an enigma. I think he needs to push his way out of Lewis's shadow next year and start to get noticed - for the right reasons.
And that's a good idea regarding Rosberg. But I think Alonso is quite happy to have an underperforming teammate.
Anyway, thanks for your comments.
Regards,
Ian.
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Billy Sexton 8 months ago
great article there. I hope mclaren kick heikki out soon, I don't think he's that special... just another jarno trulli... good qualifier but lacks race pace. We need someone like Di Grassi, I don't think Rosberg would cut it at McLaren.
As for Ferrari, if Kimi doesn't deliver next season i could see them coming to "mutual agreement" and parting ways leaving the door wide open for Alonso in 2010, he'll sit tight at Renault until his chance comes.
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Ian Sheaver 8 months ago
Hey Billy.
I think Heikki needs to make some sort of impact in the first half of next season, if not, he'll be looking for a new employer for 2010. But I don't agree with you regarding Nico Rosberg, and here's why. He has proven himself to be quick, he's been remarkably loyal to Williams (considering the lousy car they give him year-after-year) and he's great friends with Lewis so harmony within the team would continue.
But I do agree with you about Kimi. He needs to turn things around next season, because if he doesn't, he'll either be out or Alonso's No 2 in 2010.
Thanks for your comments, much appreciated.
Regards,
Ian.
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Long John Silver 8 months ago
i think the monk - but the monkish look does not really suit the Spaniard !
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Ian Sheaver 8 months ago
Yeah, but he is starting to get back in the winning 'habit'. Sorry, it's been a silly day!
Regards,
Ian.
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Long John Silver 8 months ago
i do really like this one -
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Ian Sheaver 8 months ago
JUST A NOTE TO ANYONE WHO WANTS TO LEAVE A COMMENT
I'm going to be away at a meeting in Birmingham for a couple of days (I should become a teacher - then I'd get a meeting in a Spanish resort!) so I won't be able to repond to any comments straightaway, but I promise to as soon as I get back. Well, maybe not 'as soon', but fairly soon. Well, eventually, that's the word I was looking for.
Cheerio!
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Stephen Bailey 8 months ago
Ian, I sympathise with you. I had a pinched nerve in my neck a few years ago and I know the pain you are in. Took 2 years of Chiropractic attention to get it right, for a while I was going twice a week. Now I hold my neck and head straight when I sneeze or blow my nose. All the best, Stephen.
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