West Virginia University President David Hardesty, Jr. exhibited class and professionalism today while pressed for answers concerning former coach Rich Rodriguez's "ass whoopin'" comments earlier this week.
"While, on a personal level, I certainly understand Coach Rodriguez's desire to entertain physical measures in an effort to retain certain amounts of monies owed this distinguished university, I cannot, on a business and contractual level sink to a point where we, as administrators, reciprocate in kind."
"Is there temptation to engage in certain levels of mano-a-mano type behavior in response to comments made in the heat of these arduous and stressful proceedings? Absolutely," stated Hardesty to the assembled body of the statewide West Virginia 4-H convention held this week in Blacksburg.
"Can we do this? Positively not!" cried Hardesty. "Tied to a bumper and skull dragged down a gravel road? Tempting, but not in the realm of rational thought. Doused in honey and left to the fire ants? Intriguing, but obviously outside the scope of behavior for sane and caring men. Dare I say we go so far as to cane him in an Asian style ritual of punishment for wrongs committed against us? We cannot. We, as West Virginians, will pursue every legal avenue to recoup what is rightfully ours."
Those in attendance were left to ponder in which direction Hardesty would lead the university in its pursuit of contractual justice.
"Our plan," continued the West Virginia president, "will be to seek justice through ongoing negotiations with our former coach and the University of Michigan. Through the use of mediators we hope to resolve this matter without wasting the valuable time of the court system, however, we are prepared to proceed if necessary. We are owed monies and are not concerned with whether Michigan, Rodriguez or a combination thereof provides the necessary satisfaction in an effort to conclude this unfortunate chapter in West Virginia football".
When queried as to what method might satisfy the insatiable appettite at West Virginia, Hardesty stated that cash, check or money order would all be appropriate. "We'll certainly accept cash. I'm not concerned with the combination that gets us to four million, said Hardesty as cheers from the West Virginia faithful filled the air. Tens, twenties, hundreds. Any combination will work for us. They're certainly welcome to use any U.S. legal currency. We'll take whatever and aren't picky when it comes down to depositing the cash at our chosen financial institution. I'm sure they'll be able to handle it".
In closing the WVU president added: "We look forward to concluding this bitter chapter in West Virginia football history and fully expect to see this money at the doorsteps of the university shortly."