What can I say? I think the title of "World Champion" says it all really. I was superb as always! The car and I just rode on like nothing else mattered, which it didn't.
It was an easy win really, it started raining heavily and Felipe had no chance, I remember waving to him as he spun in sector three and I drove past into P1- thought I'd act as though I cared.
I don't know what Ron and Martin think, but if I don't have such a good year next year, I think I'll try my hand at the X-Factor (British version of American Idol), they seemed to like my rendition of "We are the Champions." Well, I think they did, I couldn't be arsed to listen to what they said on the radio.
The race was in the bag from about lap thirty-two, as I say, it started raining and those Ferrari's are just crap when it comes to rain, anyone would think they were trying to do 180mph on an ice-rink.
I went into the pits on lap thirty-nine for some fuel and noticed one of the pit boys had the kettle on, so made sure that he knew I wanted one for the end of the race.
Back on the track and met up with a couple of the slower cars, passed them with ease whilst shouting, "You want one of these silver cars, they're pretty good."
Went around the track a few more times, obviously making sure the car was pointing in the right direction all the time, for some reason people don't do too well if they point the wrong way.
It was coming up to the final few laps, and Ron had said something about Kimi letting Massa past again, but to be honest I wasn't bothered, they could do what they liked, I was still going to win.
Me and the car tootled on and crossed the line, and I had won the championship. I mean, I knew I would, I'm obviously the best driver out there, no questions asked- although I was a little surprised to see Felipe keeping up with me.
In the post-race press conference I was confident and just kept looking at Felipe and thinking, "We all know who's best now don't we?" Someone then turned around to me and asked, "Heikki didn't do so well today, did his problems cause you any concern?"
To which I thought, "Crap! I don't even know what happened, like I care—I'm number one!" I didn't say that though, no, I answered, quite cleverly, "No, to be honest I trust the team and the mechanics to do their job, it's what makes the whole operation work so well." Phew! Got out of that one, no one ever got hurt for telling little white lies did they?
It's always handy to have "team related" answers saved up like that, my dad helped me revise a few at the start of the season, they can get you out of situations when you don't really care what has happened other than winning.
Next few days is going to be crap, obviously got to have a team meeting, and then loads of media statements and stuff like that. Can't wait for next Friday though, got the McLaren end of season party in London.
The best part about these parties is that Ron normally spends about a half-hour talking about me, which is cool, because it means that for thirty-minutes I am the center of attention. When it comes to my speech I'l just get my dad to jot something down, throw a few "team work" things in and mention that "I couldn't have done it without them."
After then get a few weeks holiday, not sure what I'm doing yet, but I suppose I should spend some time with Nicole (my Pussycat Doll) to make her happy, she's pretty hot, shes almost as cute as me. Then it's on to testing and next season... Which, of course, will make it two in a row....
Authors note: This article is purely ficticious. I am a Lewis Hamilton fan. This is really my first attempt at this type of artice—so please be gentle.