NFL Christmas Wish List: What Does Each Team Want?

Rodney SouthernCorrespondent IOctober 21, 2008

32 NFL football teams all have one thing in mind this time of year...The Super Bowl.  The big enchilada.  The proverbial top of the mountain.

With it being so close to the Christmas season, every NFL team surely has a Christmas list.  What would each NFL team wish for if they had the option of adding that final piece of the puzzle to take them to the Super Bowl?  A stud running back or a legendary quarterback?  This article answers the burning question...

Just what do these teams want to help them reach the Super Bowl?

New Orleans Saints:  The Saints want only one thing.  An NFL uniform made of titanium to keep Reggie Bush on the field.  

New York Giants: The Giants want a national blackout of all of there regular season football games.  This way, they can play as the underdog all over again.  Sorry guys, but no slipping in under the radar this year.

Dallas Cowboys: The Cowboys want only one thing.  A probation officer on the payroll. (And possibly an on-site strip club)

Denver Broncos: The Broncos seem destined to need a new fangled scoreboard.  The old one does not have enough numbers to keep up with the visitors points. 

Houston Texans: The Texans want a do over.  That is all there is to it.  They are so much better than that record suggests.  Or are they, Santa?

Arizona Cardinals: The Cardinals want a brain transplant.  They want Kurt Warner's brain in Matt Leinart's body.  Then they would have a quarterback for sure.

Washington Redskins: The Redskins want to fool everyone into thinking that they can lead the NFC East without a prolific quarterback.  Oh wait, they already have that. 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: The Bucs want to have Jon Gruden try a kinder, gentler approach.  That has been going on for two years now, but nobody notices because of that Chucky grill.

Atlanta Falcons: The Falcons want to beat Carolina just once when it matters.   

Philadelphia Eagles: The Eagles want Donovan Mcnabb to finally complete the season, and reach his potential.  It has been a decade after all.

Miami Dolphins: The Dolphins want Dan Marino to come out of retirement.  It is the only way they will complete a pass longer than ten yards with regularity.  At least he could get plenty of breaks with the wildcat offense.

Minnesota Vikings: The Vikings want somebody, anybody to complement Adrian Peterson.  Gus Frerrotte is just an interception away from an errant head butt and knocking himself silly again.

Chicago Bears: The Bears want Matt Forte to take over as General Manager.  He does everything else, so why not run the team?

Green Bay Packers: The Packers want Aaron Rodgers to peel off the disguise and reveal what they knew all along.  That Brett Favre was inside him all along.  That guy in New York is actually just a clone.  You thought that this was over?  I still see a ton of Favre jerseys every game on the frozen tundra.

San Diego Chargers: The Chargers just want a heart.  If only they had a heart (and Hochuli's head on a platter, of course).

Carolina Panthers: The Panthers want to beat the Bucs just once when it matters. Please.  Santa, please. 

Buffalo Bills:  Buffalo wants to never, ever be woke up from this magical dream that is the 2008 NFL football season.  That or some voodoo.

New York Jets: The Jets just want everyone to stop calling them Brett Favre.  This storied franchise has no identity other than the team that signed Brett Favre (it is okay, Jets fans.  He is actually a clone).

New England Patriots: The Patriots just want Brady back.  That is all they want.  Give me Brady back.  Even videotaping the other team's planning sessions isn't working.

Indianapolis Colts: The Colts want to convince everyone that Harrison hasn't lost a step, and that Peyton is as good as ever, and that Addai is better than Edgerrin ever was.  Do it on the field guys...on the field.   

Tennessee Titans: The Titans do not want anything except an autographed copy of the contract Pacman signed with Dallas. That is gift enough.

Jacksonville Jaguars:  The Jaguars, like the Texans just want a do over.  They also would not mind borrowing Reggie Bush's titanium suit for old Fred Taylor now and again.

Oakland Raiders: The Raiders want Al Davis to hire himself as head coach. Then maybe he will get fired. 

San Francisco 49ers: The Niners want a huge bucket of stickum for their quarterback. Can he really fumble again? Yes, he can.  Where is Montana?

Pittsburgh Steelers: The Steelers want to play all of their remaining games on Monday nights.  Period.

Baltimore Ravens: The Ravens want a quarterback. Any quarterback will do.

Detroit Lions: The Lions want an NFL franchise.  They do not currently have one, do they?  

Seattle Seahawks: The Seahawks want two wide receivers that are impervious to pain.  Steve Largent could do better. Now.

Kansas City Chiefs: The Chiefs want to trade Larry Johnson before he gets beat up by his female friends.  Please someone, take this all pro talent.  Is that Dallas calling?  They have a spot open now that Pacman is gone.

Cleveland Browns: The Browns want someone to hit coach in the head before Sunday's game.  Then maybe they could sneak Brady Quinn into the starting lineup. If they are going to lose, at least let the kid get some reps.

St. Louis Rams: The Rams want to be in a division where they can play like crap, not win in the first four games of the season, and still be on the edge of winning the division.  Oh wait, they play in the NFC West.  One less gift for Santa to worry about. 

Cincinnati Bengals: The Bengals want Ocho Cinco to catch one-o pass-o.  This prima donna deserves nothing but coal in his stocking.

Finally, for NFL commisioner Goodell, a great big hug from an NFL fan fed up with some of the thugs still permeating the NFL rosters.  Keep swinging that big stick, and hopefully the only muggings that we will be seeing will happen between the lines like they are supposed to.