What Color Will the Dallas Cowboys' Kool-Aid Be This Week?
Jerry Jones is Dallas's original "crazy" sports franchise owner. He is also, without a doubt, the wealthiest man in the world to operate a Kool-Aid stand. Each week, Jones peddles BLUE and SILVER Kool-Aid to the Cowboy faithful. Drink it at your own risk!
Jones' biggest problem is that he drinks the Kool-Aid he peddles. Because of his ability to amass a fortune from the energy and real-estate markets, he is convinced that he posses the capability to be a Bill Walsh, George Halas, or even Tex Schram type of GM.
Make no mistake, the Cowboys' owner is no Ron Wolf; Matt Millen is more like it. Lately, Jones, who has always been a hands-on guy, has looked more like Daniel Snyder and less like Curlee Lambeau.
So I ask, "What will the flavor of the week be at Valley Ranch after the Cowboys humiliation at the hands of the hapless Rams?"
Last week, the Kool-Aid was GREEN: as in everything is good to GO. Jones tried to get us to swallow that Terrell really is excited about Roy Williams, that Brad Johnson is a Super Bowl winner, and that Tony would be active and play if necessary.
Perhaps it it should have been PINK for Tony Romo's little finger.
Maybe YELLOW would have been a better choice. Tony Romo, who dressed out and warmed up, informed the Cowboys' coaching staff after pregame workouts, that he wasn't up to playing with a broken right pinkie. That left hope-filled fans hopeless. But it didn't deter them from chanting the chorus of "Romo!, Romo!" to start the second half. Hopefully Tony can still text Jessica in spite of the broken digit.
Jones confessed after the game that personally he believed the Cowboys had enough to defeat St. Louis, despite his starting QB sitting out or the loss of cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones to suspension. "I just was thinking a little lighter than I should have about this ballgame," Jones said. "I'm not speaking for this team, but I was."
Then make that Kool-Aid CLEAR, as in, "I never saw this coming!"
But mostly, Jones Kool-Aid will be BLUE without the silver, as in, "man are we down in the dumps."
Maybe Jerry could have PURPLE Kool-Aid this week at the Cowboys practice facility. Perhaps that would help former Viking Brad Johnson recall what it is like to throw touchdowns instead of INTs. However the purple bruises on his aging body may have the same effect.
Might I suggest that Jerry serve himself some RED Kool-Aid as in, "STOP THE MADNESS already!" Here's some free advice for a billionaire owner: Hire a manager, hire a real HEAD coach, get in your luxury box, and stay there. DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT, go to the sidelines and talk to players during games; especially head-case prima donna receivers, because you are even worse posing as a sports physiologist than a general manager.
But I'm not the first to offer Jerry that advice, and he is incapable of following it anyway. With these Cowboys, only one thing is assured, and you can bet Valley Ranch on this: Regardless of the color, when Monday rolls around, Jones will be pumping Kool-Aid, trying to convince us that this will still be more than a season of Hard Knocks.
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