Tiger Woods: Six Things He Can Do to Get Ready for the U.S. Open
Tiger Woods needs to get ready for the U.S. Open in a way he never has before, because he certainly doesn't want to show up there and shoot a 42 on the front nine and then pull out like he did at The Players Championship.
Tiger hasn't won at all in almost two years, and hasn't won a major in over three years.
Apart from that, he doesn't hit it as far as he used to, as accurately as he used to and he can't putt very well anymore either.
He's been through a staggering number of swing coaches and changes, and the recurring knee issues as well.
So what can he do to get ready for this year's U.S. Open?
He appears to be lost in a hail of excuses and explanations in an arena where his play used to speak for itself.
The first thing he should do to get ready for the U.S. Open is get himself a big comfortable chair, a large bowl of Cheetos and a nice big screen TV (if he doesn't already have those items), and get set to watch a a bunch of folks who really can go at it the way he used to.
14 and Counting
Next, he should surround himself with one item of memorabilia from every major he's already won.
During the commercial breaks, if he's not fast forwarding through them, he can count the items over and over again to see if somehow he can make them add up to 19 instead of 14.
Actually, going out and winning more may not only prove futile, but embarrassing.
Another course of action, if it's even possible, would be to try and find Dr. Galea, wherever he is now.
See if he can somehow get him, or someone like him, to deliver whatever it was the good doctor was providing before Tiger's body and competitive aggressiveness vanished.
If he hasn't already done that, of course.
At one point, right after Tiger's real life actually got exposed, he mentioned that he was going to take the advice of his mother and start meditating more.
Maybe that will get him going down the right path in time to actually play in the U.S. Open.
If he chooses this fifth idea, I've got a mantra for him.
He could chant, "I'm not really history, I'm not really toast, I'm not really finished."
Get himself the 2011 version of the Tiger Woods video game, if there is one.
Dial up Congressional Blue and go for the Open title with both thumbs.
No troublesome knee, and probably fewer hooks and slices as well.
Just don't tell him, if he wins electronically, it won't really count.
If all else fails, I would recommend one final course of action.
When the big screen, Game Boy, trophies and everything are all set up and ready to go, text a couple of cocktail waitresses.
They can run back and forth from the viewing room to the fridge, and get stuff for him, thereby helping rest the knee for his next big return.