Tiger Woods: Six Things He Can Do to Get Ready for the U.S. Open

Mike RoozenContributor IIMay 19, 2011

Tiger Woods: Six Things He Can Do to Get Ready for the U.S. Open

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    PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL - MAY 12:  Tiger Woods reacts to his approach shot on the ninth hole during the first round of THE PLAYERS Championship held at THE PLAYERS Stadium course at TPC Sawgrass on May 12, 2011 in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida. Woods withdrew
    Streeter Lecka/Getty Images

    Tiger Woods needs to get ready for the U.S. Open in a way he never has before, because he certainly doesn't want to show up there and shoot a 42 on the front nine and then pull out like he did at The Players Championship. 

    Tiger hasn't won at all in almost two years, and hasn't won a major in over three years. 

    Apart from that, he doesn't hit it as far as he used to, as accurately as he used to and he can't putt very well anymore either.

    He's been through a staggering number of swing coaches and changes, and the recurring knee issues as well.

    So what can he do to get ready for this year's U.S. Open?

Big Screen

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    PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL - MAY 12:  Tiger Woods hits from a bunker on the sixth hole during the first round of THE PLAYERS Championship held at THE PLAYERS Stadium course at TPC Sawgrass on May 12, 2011 in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida. Woods withdrew after sho
    Streeter Lecka/Getty Images

    He appears to be lost in a hail of excuses and explanations in an arena where his play used to speak for itself.

    The first thing he should do to get ready for the U.S. Open is get himself a big comfortable chair, a large bowl of Cheetos and a nice big screen TV (if he doesn't already have those items), and get set to watch a a bunch of folks who really can go at it the way he used to.

14 and Counting

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    ST. ANDREWS, UNITED KINGDOM - JULY 17:  Tiger Woods of the USA hugs the Claret Jug after securing a five shot victory at the 134th Open Championship at Old Course, St Andrews Golf Links, July 17, 2005 in St Andrews, Scotland.  (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty
    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    Next, he should surround himself with one item of memorabilia from every major he's already won.

    During the commercial breaks, if he's not fast forwarding through them, he can count the items over and over again to see if somehow he can make them add up to 19 instead of 14.

    Actually, going out and winning more may not only prove futile, but embarrassing.

Doctor Call

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    PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL - MAY 09:  Tiger Woods walks out of the player fitness truck after withdrawing from the tournament on the seventh hole with a neck injury during the final round of THE PLAYERS Championship held at THE PLAYERS Stadium course at TPC Sa
    Sam Greenwood/Getty Images

    Another course of action, if it's even possible, would be to try and find Dr. Galea, wherever he is now.

    See if he can somehow get him, or someone like him, to deliver whatever it was the good doctor was providing before Tiger's body and competitive aggressiveness vanished.

    If he hasn't already done that, of course.

Mantra

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    MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA - NOVEMBER 13: Tiger Woods of Australia looks dejected after hitting a shot into the rough during round three of the Australian Masters at The Victoria Golf Club on November 13, 2010 in Melbourne, Australia.  (Photo by Robert Cianflon
    Robert Cianflone/Getty Images

    At one point, right after Tiger's real life actually got exposed, he mentioned that he was going to take the advice of his mother and start meditating more.

    Maybe that will get him going down the right path in time to actually play in the U.S. Open.

    If he chooses this fifth idea, I've got a mantra for him.

    He could chant, "I'm not really history, I'm not really toast, I'm not really finished."

Electronic Victory

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    NEW YORK - AUGUST 27:  Genral view of the Tiger Woods Video Game Launch Party at Strata Metronome on August 27, 2008 in New York City.  (Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images for EA Sports)
    Mike Stobe/Getty Images

    Get himself the 2011 version of the Tiger Woods video game, if there is one.

    Dial up Congressional Blue and go for the Open title with both thumbs.

    No troublesome knee, and probably fewer hooks and slices as well.

    Just don't tell him, if he wins electronically, it won't really count.

Hired Help

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    TAMPA, FL - SEPTEMBER 28:  Golfer Tiger Woods watches play from the sidelines as the Tampa Bay Buccaneers defeat the Green Bay Packers at Raymond James Stadium on September 28, 2008 in Tampa, Florida.  (Photo by Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images)
    Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images

    If all else fails, I would recommend one final course of action.

    When the big screen, Game Boy, trophies and everything are all set up and ready to go, text a couple of cocktail waitresses.

    They can run back and forth from the viewing room to the fridge, and get stuff for him, thereby helping rest the knee for his next big return.