Entrance themes can become almost as legendary as the wrestlers they introduce. Think of the pop of the crowd when Austin's glass breaks, Rocky's catchphrase is shouted or HHH's guitar riff begins. If a guy has a catchy theme song, chances are the crowd will react when the music hits.
However, there have been some bad ones...really, really, really bad ones.
Not surprisingly, some of these themes introduced some of the most boring or unsuccessful WWE wrestlers of all time.
Now, an important point: If I knock their entrance music, don't think I'm knocking the actual wrestler. I understand that most of these guys had zero input as to what played over the PA as they walked to the ring.
Just listen and keep Tylenol handy.
OK, I love Kelly Kelly and that's been well documented.
The future Mrs. Shannon is very good at her job, namely standing around in skimpy clothing and being under 30 years old.
However, her theme song makes me want to shove large objects in my ears to prevent brain damage from occurring. This entrance music is the exact kind of "trendy club" crap that I absolutely hate.
Plus, what is up with the singer whispering the lyrics? Is she trying to be sexy or sound stupid?
This is why I watch all Divas matches on mute.
Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup? Whassup?
There, I just saved you three minutes of your life you would have spent by listening to that theme.
This is kind of a dual entry as well because I almost lost my mind when WWE tried to replace this gem with that Get Crunk song.
Not only was Get Crunk brutally terrible but they had Eve Torres try to get the song over by doing a dance vaguely resembling a stripper routine without the clothing removal.
I know he's a heel now and all that but really, was there anything more annoying than R-Truth singing this stupid song while jogging down the entrance ramp?
Some of you younger fans are probably thinking to yourselves "what in God's name is this?" Welcome to the early-90s WWF.
Bertha Faye was brought in as the fat heel to challenge the "beautiful" Alundra Blayze for the revived Women's title. Faye was actually quite the monster heel before her WWF career started, being very successful in Japan and Puerto Rico as Rhonda Singh.
So what did the WWF do with this monster who could wrestle?
They gave her a trailer park trash gimmick and made her the love interest of Harvey Whippleman, of course!
The result was this "song" where Whippleman professes his undying love of the monstrous competitor and thousands of fans cringe at the same time.
The early 1990s are very well represented on this list. What's more embarrassing in this video: the theme or the white people in the crowd trying to dance?
Anyone who actually watched the Men on a Mission wrestle can attest to two things:
1. They sucked.
2. You couldn't understand one damn thing Oscar was saying while he rapped.
Heck, Oscar could have been a lyrical genius but all you heard when he came to ringside was (and I quote) "dfkjdf jefeiuuef dfkjgj dfkjf FDKJFKDKNR flLfj!"
Not a fan.
Do you know who's worse than Oscar? Uncle Kracker.
A stable formed in 2001 that went largely ignored, X-Factor consisted of X-Pac, Justin Credible and the useless Albert.
Vince blessed them with a theme song that was guaranteed to make people hate them right away: an Uncle Kracker ballad.
Not only does it not even come close to sounding what a wrestling theme should sound like, it was just plain boring.
OK, the top 10 is where things start to get really bad.
Heidenreich's theme merely featured Paul Heyman screaming his name in an intimidating manner for three and a half minutes, so don't click on that theme for the audio.
No, no...click on it for the scene where it looks like Heidenreich is making Michael Cole his girlfriend.
The original plan for Heidenreich was to make him a Nazi solider who was frozen only to be thawed out in present day.
That gimmick was quickly abandoned and replaced with a guy who wrote poetry, goose-stepped around the ring and made friends with the little girls in the audience.
I'll leave it to you to decide which one was worse.
Do you know who's worse than Uncle Kracker? The Insane Clown Posse.
Longtime wrestling marks, the ICP jumped at the chance to produce a theme for the Oddities, a group made up of "sideshow freaks" who wrestled pretty much exclusively in comedy matches.
The problem with this theme is that it sounds like every single other ICP song: loud, annoying and terrible.
Such lyrics as "your momma got a beard...what!" failed to win me over.
Call me a cynic, I guess.
I rarely feel bad for people, but I feel bad for Jimmy Wang Yang.
Has there ever been a gimmick destined to be a loser more than an Asian cowboy who pretends he's from Texas?
The sad thing is that Jimmy could actually wrestle, having been featured on numerous TNA, ROH and WWE shows before getting saddled (ha...ha) with this gimmick.
Anyways, to complete the whole thing, WWE stuck him with this very stereotypical country song which is really stupid because he was supposed to be an Asian who broke stereotypes and...you know what?
The Undertaker has had quite a few entrance themes in his day and most of them were awesome.
This one was not.
Was this song written by a sixth grader? It sounds the guy just went through a rhyming dictionary and picked out words that seemed to fit.
Not only that but doesn't the cursing in the song seem a little forced? Like Vince McMahon heard the song and went "No! Dammit, no! I want more cursing in that right now or you're fired!"
I could totally see that happening.
Rockabilly, a gimmick most of us have blocked out of our minds, was a brief segment in Billy Gunn's career where he was the Honky Tonk Man's protege.
Needless to say, it was really, really bad.
Not only is this theme a direct knockoff of the HTM's entrance, but what's up with the BRRRLLLLLBRRLLLLLL at the beginning?
This one is bad, although I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of Billy Gunn on this list.
Poor Mike Shaw.
A legitimately nice guy, he seemed to get stuck with almost every single bad gimmick that promoters could come up with.
He was a wrestling friar, Bastion Booger, an escaped mental patient and Trucker Norm.
Anyways, Booger came out to this lovely little ditty, usually eating a large amount of food while the announcers made fat jokes about him.
Oh, and his wrestling gear was fashioned to give him a hump on his back so the announcers could also make humpback jokes.
Isn't wrestling fun?
From one mid-'90s gimmick to another, TL Hopper quickly became an Internet Wrestling Community sensation because of the absurdity of his character.
You see, Hopper was a wrestling plumber.
This was the mid-'90s WWF where every single wrestler seemed to have a job on the side. We had a wrestling plumber, hockey player and garbage man, just to name a few.
Hopper and his plunger "Betsy" came out to this "theme" of toilets flushing and various other noises.
Can't say that it inspired anyone to get up and cheer.
Remember what I said in the last slide about wrestlers with side jobs?
Isaac Yankem (I. Yankem, get it?) was Jerry Lawler's personal dentist who came to the WWF to try to exact some revenge on Bret Hart.
He also came out this lovely melody of dentist drills and screaming patients that was sure to thrill no one.
Realizing the gimmick was a complete flop, Vince repackaged the guy into the Fake Diesel and teamed him with an equally Fake Razor Ramon during a really bad time for the World Wrestling Federation.
The third time was a charm, though, and another gimmick change to the Undertaker's younger brother seemed to be the winning formula.
That's right, Kane used to daylight as a dentist to make ends meet.
I told you we hadn't seen the last of Mr. Gunn.
In lieu of mocking this directly, allow me to present a sample of lyrics from this gem:
So many asses, so little time
A little tight one can stop me on a dime
I'm a lover of every kind
The best surprises always sneak up from behind
Cause I'm an ass man
There's also another part about Billy's love for asses where it says he likes to watch them, flaunt them, stick them, etc. but I really don't want to talk about that.
It really pains me to put this at No. 1 because the unintentional comedy here is off the charts.
In all honesty, William Regal is one of the most underrated performers of all time. He could work with almost anyone, had great facials in the ring and is entertaining as hell on the mic.
This, however, was bad times.
Before his debut, Regal was hyped up with vignettes showing how much a real man's man he really was. They included shots of Regal doing heavy labor, chopping wood and drinking orange juice...WITH PULP!
Needless to say, having the Lumberjack Tabernacle Choir sing about how much of a man Regal was didn't seem to strike a chord with audiences.
What their plans were for the character, we will never know because Regal had to go to rehab for substance issues.
Real men wouldn't need rehab.