I thought there would be much more variety in names, but alas, the good names must all be hiding in FCS somewhere. But, without further ado, here are the rankings. Teams were graded on a variety of categories.
- Intimidation Factor
- The "Cool Factor"
- The Mascot Itself
- Joke Potential
- Inspiration Factor
1. Wake Forest Demon Deacons (8.85)
I don't know how any of you can list the DD's as a bad name. It is the most unique in the nation, and frankly, ask Barack Obama; he has had a run in with one of them. The mascot itself has a very nice butt chin, and I would love to just tickle it during halftime. Won due to its strong showing in the originality category.
2. North Texas Mean Green (8.82)
Most fans are probably scratching their heads with this pick, but I am a bit of a sleuth, and have figured out what UNT was going for. They were facing a big deficit, all the way down at No. 117, until the intimidation factor came around, and they hit it big right there. When North Texas mentions the "Mean Green," they don't mean an angry color, they obviously mean diarrhea. "Oh man, that chili cheese sauerkraut dog is coming back on me, i think i'm gonna have the Mean Green!"... Tell me a halftime splasher doesn't sound intimidating... See my point?
3. Texas Tech Red Raiders/Middle Tennessee St. Blue Raiders (8.44)
The Blood Vs. Crip battle within college football; each of them have famous fans I am sure. Can't you imagine Snoop Dogg showing up on Middle Tennessee State's sideline cheering them on? With The Game, and/or Lil Wayne soowooing from the opposite side of the field?
4. Akron Zips (8.33)
In nearly the same predicament as North Texas late in the research, I finally broke the code Akron had been trying to hide from us. If you thought that was actually a Kangaroo in their logo, you would be right, but it has hidden meaning.
The Kangaroo is meant merely to remind us to cherish what is in our "pouch," after all, you don't want to underestimate the Zips, and end up with a "There's Something About Mary" moment, do you?
5. Rutgers Scarlet Knights (8.20)
A knight, by itself is a good sign of nobility in the world, but a scarlet one? That is just too much awesomeness to contain.
You know what makes a knight scarlet, don't you? The layers of fresh, dripping blood they have been covered with recently. If only Rutgers were slaying opponents these days, it would have much more meaning.
6. Army Black Knights (8.01)
Wait, didn't Martin Lawrence already try to make this funny, and fail?
7. Notre Dame Fighting Irish (7.99)
A very simple name, and a surprise entry on this list. While the Fighting Illini are stuck in the basement, the Irish are in the Top Ten.
Why, you ask? It's a very straight to the point, practical name. Ever met a Notre Dame fan? He wanted to fight you, didn't he? Didn't he!? Exactly.
8. Duke Blue Devils (7.41)
Score another one for Snoop. Took a big hit in the inspiration area of the rankings, but less than you'd think.
There are quite a few worshippers of the frostbitten devil out there. Let's hope they don't play Boise State for a while, or else this ranking goes out the window...
9. Kent State Golden Flashes (7.26)
Golden Flashes? Sounds like menopause to me.
10. Michigan X-Men 4 Presents: The Rise Of Wolverine (7.00)
Oh, they're still just the Wolverines? Well, pretty soon they'll be looking for extra revenue to buy Rich Rodriguez out of his contract. Why not this way?
Arizona State Sun Devils (6.99)
This is what a Devil should look like, parched and sunburnt.
California Golden Bears (6.99)
The most used color in mascots, gold helps boost Cal past Baylor and UCLA, due mainly to the fact that Golden Panda is my favorite Chinese buffet.
East Carolina Pirates (6.98)
True, their pirate looks a bit, err, too colorful to be straight, but the name gains extra points for describing ECU so well at this point. A sunken ship.
Kansas Jayhawks (6.89)
Well, they WERE the Jawhawks until Mark Mangino mistook the mascot for KFC. Now, sadly, they are the Kansas skeletons, and/or acid reflux disease.
TCU Horned Frogs (6.67)
Is that what Anna Nicole Smith had to kiss to get her 86-year-old prince?