-For whatever reason, I totally forgot tonight was Monday and I only knew Raw was on because my DVR reminded me. My 16 year old self would be extremely pissed at me right now.
-We kick off with Alberto Del Rio being his usual pompous, awesome heel self. However, Rey Mysterio has to kill everyone’s buzz by interrupting and demanding a match. The Miz also interrupts and makes sure everyone knows he pinned Cena last week.
But wait, R-Truth is also throwing his hat in the ring and brags about putting John Morrison on the shelf. I’m digging Truth’s new character but I’m hesitant to think that he back it up in the ring so I’m not holding my breath. And did he seriously just call someone “liver lips?” What is this, a 1950s Western?
The Mystery Raw GM finally steps in and books a number one contender Triple Threat match between Del Rio, Miz and Mysterio. Truth is VERY upset. Miz earns himself a delayed censorship from USA for calling Mysterio and Del Rio “day laborers”…classy. A brawl erupts between the heels and their seconds and Mysterio clears the ring.
-Kharma’s debut has been handled great so far but it’s too bad that no one gives a rat’s ass about women’s wrestling.
The Bellas vs. Eve & Kelly Kelly
The heels double-team the future Mrs. Kelly Shannon but she comes back with flying headscissors, sold with a 360 stupidly by Nikki. Handspring elbow in the corner leads to a pier-6 brawl and Kelly gets a rollup for the win.
Winners: Eve & Kelly Kelly
-All I ask is that the women’s garbage is kept short. 1/2* for Kelly’s outfit.
-Kharma again makes her presence known and Eve stupidly tries to attack and gets destroyed. Kelly wisely heads for the hills while Kharma delivers the pain to Eve.
Mason Ryan vs. Kane
Heard a rumor that they are thinking of turning Mason Ryan face, which is an absolutely terrible idea.
The guy has only been on TV for a few months and no one cares about him as a heel so why would they care if he turned face? Plus, a huge roided up guy like that isn’t someone the crowd wants to cheer for at this point in his career. Think of how long it took Batista to get the crowd behind him.
Kane slugs away in the corner but Mason fires out with a clothesline and adds an Oklahoma Slam for two. Kane comes back with boots to head out of nowhere for a near fall but CM Punk throws a cheapshot and triggers gets knocked out by Big Show on the outside. Nexus runs in due to that and it’s the Russo trademarked Sports Entertainment Finish.
-Punch, punch, kick, kick, ring the bell = boring 1/4*. Kane and Show chokeslam Ryan to get their heat back from last week because the whole “WWE Universe” would collapse if a new guy was able to get over at the expense of a 14 year veteran.
Santino Marella vs. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler definitely needs an injection of personality very soon because he can’t coast on Vickie’s heat forever. He needs to do something to make people boo him on a consistent basis aside from walking beside an annoying manager.
Anyways, Dolph dominates and treats Santino like a joke but that triggers the babyface comeback and a Cobra attempt but thats ended with a dropkick. One Zig Zag later and we have a winner.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler
-At this point, beating Santino is about as impressive as beating “Iron” Mike Sharpe so this was what it was 1/4*.
-Recap of the Orton title win from Smackdown that sent the IWC into a tizzy. Everyone knows Vince doesn’t take Christian seriously so what were you really expecting?
-Meanwhile, R-Truth is still upset.
-Still backstage, Alex Riley recaps his evil plan from last week like a drunk Bond villain in front of the invisible camera. Miz is still pissed at him though, so Riley hits the ring to challenge John Cena to a match to prove his worth.
John Cena vs. Alex Riley
I know Cena hasn’t been world champion in forever but since he’s always treated like the champ, it always seems like he has the belt. Slow start and Riley hits a clothesline for two and adds a back suplex for another near fall.
Since Riley has gotten his jobber offense in, Cena launches into the SOS Comeback and an Attitude Adjustment draws out the Miz. Another AA and the STF serves as a middle finger to the Miz as Riley taps out.
Winner: John Cena
-Just another squash match *.
-Michael Cole hits the ring to announce his retirement from in-ring competition, so Lawler taunts him with the beating he took from the Rock last week. That’s not enough for the King though, as he challenges Cole to another match and, if Lawler loses, he’ll induct Cole into the Hall of Fame and give him his HOF ring.
Cole refuses the challenge and suddenly turns uber-Republican for some heel heat then makes fun of Elvis. What a random promo. Then he really classes up the promo by asking Jerry what he did for Mother’s Day…and people say Vince is a heartless bastard. Lawler tries to attack but Swagger beats him down to end the segment.
Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston
They trade finish attempts right away but Swagger grabs control and works a takedown. Kofi takes him to the outside and tries a plancha but Swagger recovers and boots Kingston to the floor as we GOTTA TAKE A BREAK!!!
We return with Swagger in control and he hits a running knee lift before trying for a pump splash and only hitting knees. Swagger dodges Trouble in Paradise but falls victim to a high cross body from the top for two. Swagger tosses Kofi and, in a cool spot, when Kingston skins the cat back in Swagger grabs the ankle lock and begins to work the leg.
The injured knee comes into play right away when Swagger shoves Kofi off on tornado DDT attempt and Jack looks to finish. However, Lawler reappears on the entrance ramp and that’s all the distraction Kingston needs to his TIP for the win.
Winner and STILL Champion: Kofi Kingston
-Post-match, Lawler chucks chairs at Cole and uses his tie to slam Cole’s face into the Cole Mine, all legal because he’s not actually touching him….kinda funny. Good match and a decent angle at the end, so call the whole thing ***. Swagger accepts King’s challenge on behalf of Michael Cole much to Cole’s chagrin.
-Holy crap, is that NUNZIO as a referee? Mind freak. Who would have thought Little Guido himself would don the stripes.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz
Winner gets the shot at John Cena at Over the Limit. Mysterio attacks both heels and tries for a double 619 but Del Rio dumps him as is standard in this kind of match. The heels do a little sequence until Rey Rey returns and rolls up Del Rio for two.
Out goes Alberto and Miz hits his clothesline in the corner for two before hitting a resthold. Mysterio recovers and tries another 619 but Del Rio returns and sends him to the floor. Skull Crushing Finale reversed for two and the heels clothesline each other for the double KO and the commercial break.
We return with Miz on the outside and Del Rio hitting a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Alberto smartly runs Miz into the post to keep him down and goes back to work on Rey. After a resthold, Miz lowbridges Del Rio but runs into a kick to the face from Rey and a slingshot legdrop gets two. Del Rio drags Miz to the outside but Rey comes out with a somersault dive for a rare triple KO.
Back in, Rey makes the fired up comeback on Del Rio and gets two off a well-sold cross body. Flying headscissors puts Alberto down again and Rey tosses him into Miz, who had perched himself on the top rope. Hurricanrana brings Miz down the hard way but Del Rio pops up with the cross armbreaker submission hold and Miz has to break at the last second and hit a spike DDT for two. Why is the crowd so quiet? They should be going nuts for this stuff.
Both heels end up outside and Alex Riley hobbles out to revive his main man. Del Rio recovers first and looks to finish but Miz shoves him into Riley and hits the 619. Mysterio looks to have the thing won but Riley pulls Del Rio out of the ring and Miz rolls up a surprised Mysterio for the win.
Winner: The Miz
-I might catch hell for this but I think was a GREAT TV match, really fast paced and tightly booked from start to finish. I don’t know what was up with the live crowd but screw them, I liked it ***3/4.
-Cena appears and reveals that the match at Over the Limit will be an I Quit match. With no blood, that doesn’t get me as excited as it once did. R-Truth lays out Mysterio from behind while all this is going on to give Rey Rey a program for the PPV as well.
The show bored the hell out of me at the start but the Swagger-Kofi match was decent enough and the main event was great.
Basically, if you tuned in at 10pm, you probably thought you missed a great show. I still don’t think Miz has a chance in hell of regaining the belt at the PPV but that’s what the undercard is for.