Greetings from the slightly warmer Frozen Tundra, friends!
Spring is finally springing in the great State of Wisconsin and not a moment too soon.
Packer fans are coming out of their caves, in search of beer and brats, after a very long winter. Do not approach them suddenly, as they are grumpy after a long winter's nap. You will be able to tell who these fans are just by seeing the snarl on their faces, after they see a yard full of dandelions sprout up in one day.
Another helpful hint on how to know who these fans are: their glowing pale skin reflects the sun to the point that you need sunglasses just to look at them. You know, kind of like "Twilight?"
These fans have been parked in front of the computer and television, barely leaving their homes for the past month, as they have been going over draft picks and trying to figure out which way Ted Thompson was going to go with the draft.
Good picks, Ted.
Anyway, we've survived the draft. We've survived the five minutes that the lockout was over (even though some of us maybe were a little overexcited, myself being one of those people). Kids have survived a long year of school and now get to figure out what to do with their summer. You know, "How I Want to Spend My Summer Vacation?"
And, yet another time honored summer tradition: What is Brett Favre going to do with his career?
Just as many of us in Wisconsin thought that Brett Favre was going quietly into that good night, he comes forward to say that he wants to coach or be a commentator...
Hey, Brett Favre! How are you going to spend your summer vacation?
Cue Aerosmith "Sweet Emotion," as an homage to Dazed and Confused and let's see how the former Falcon/Packer/Jet/Viking could spend his free time.
Scenario One: Spend Time With Your Family, Brett
Brett, you have children and a grandchild. You have been playing professional football for 20 years. You have probably missed out on a lot of activities with your kids. This year, why not throw the family in the family truckster, a la the Griswold's, and go on a family vacation?
Take the wife, kids and grandchild to a family destination. You lived in Wisconsin for 16 years or so, right? Did you ever take the kids to the Wisconsin Dells? Water parks, magic shows and who can forget the Wisconsin Ducks? Great fun is had by all!
Water parks not your thing? What about Branson? I hear it is fantastic this time of year, for folks who like older country music. While I am not one of those folks, it could be a great vacation.
Scenario Two: Read a Hot Summer Book
Nothing screams summer in Wisconsin like going out to your local pool or favorite body of water. You can go with friends and/or family or go by yourself and just read a good book. While I am partial to historical novels, may I be so bold to suggest a few titles for you, Brett?
"Life After Favre: A Season of Change with the Green Bay Packers and Their Fans" by Phil Hanrahan is a good choice, if you are looking for a little more history about the year that you went to the Jets.
The second choice offers a truly inspiring break down of the Super Bowl, too, including how Aaron Rodgers was voted the Super Bowl MVP. I highly recommend both as must-read summer books.
Scenario Three: Find a Summer Job
Brett Favre could potentially seek employment in another field, but come on! He's Brett Favre. It's not like he could go to the local factory and get a job. I mean, with his well documented history of injuries, he wouldn't be able to pass a pre-employment physical.
He could work in customer service at a cell phone company, though... Insert favorite Favre/cell phone joke here.
Think about it: Any employer would love to have Brett Favre as an employee, right? He comes to work hurt and sick. You know that he is going to stay your employee for years, to the point that even when you want him to quit, he comes to work. He may talk about quitting, but he always comes back. Always.
So, what is Favre to do?
Brett Favre is a legend, that much is a given. He is well loved, to the point that my own mother says that if I write unkind words about Brett Favre, she is going to give me back the Aaron Rodgers jersey that I gave her for her birthday last year in protest.
I have been slowly trying to transition her into being an Aaron Rodgers fan for the past three years, and so far, I have been met with grudging acceptance. Her acceptance has improved greatly since the Super Bowl win, but it's still an uphill battle at times.
I'm not pushing my luck. My mother is a feisty five feet tall, 100 pounds of sassy and she can put a hurting on people.
So, here's hoping that Brett Favre will take at least one of my suggestions. If not, Brett, please make the transition into a different job slowly. Not only will this give you time to figure out what you want to be in your "retirement," but it will give Packer fans time to forgive you, and ultimately, miss you.
Let us miss you, Brett.
Happy Mother's Day!
Like the new article format? Send us feedback!