Tired of Losing, Kentucky Football Makes Plans to Switch Conferences (Humor)

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Tired of Losing, Kentucky Football Makes Plans to Switch Conferences (Humor)

With Arkansas' impending domination of Kentucky looming around the corner, I bring you the latest on Kentucky football today, hot off of The Hog Tale's AP wire...

AP report

"We hates losing! Joining the Ivy League would be a pretty good call right about now."—Kentucky coach Rich Brooks.

The year was 1976 and Jimmy Carter was the newly elected President of the United States. The median household income was $12,686 per year and Rocky was landing big blows at the movie theatres.

This was also the last time Kentucky shared the SEC title in football, and it was actually 1950 under Bear Bryant the last time the Mildcats won an SEC title outright.

Depressing? It should be. I mean, it's not Vanderbilt-depressing, but hey, Vandy doesn't actually count as an athletic institution yet, does it?

The Captain and Tenille won Record of the Year for "Love Will Keep Us Together." What is that song, you ask? It's my pleasure to bring it to you today via the power of YouTube.

Sidenote: The great thing about this video is that they don't even pretend to try and hide the fact that they are lip-syncing. Notice there are no microphones anywhere in sight. Enjoy (I know I did)!

(Just goes to show that you never know what you're going to get here at The Hog Tale. Also, I'm getting myself one of those hats and calling myself "The Double K.")

"We will never win the SEC," said Brooks, "I tell my players that all the time. I say: 'Players, we are never winning the SEC, so get your damn education and get ready for the real world, because, like Kentucky football, there is a lot of losing in the real world. Get used to it.'"

When reminded that his team is 4-2 and has had a pretty decent run the past few years with the likes of Andre Woodson, Brooks said, "Winning is fleeting here. It's only a temporary Band-Aid that will eventually come off of a nasty cut that we like to refer to as losing!"

Rumors have swirled at the University the past few years that the football team is looking for a new conference—preferably the Ivy League or the Sun Belt Conference.

When asked about the possibility of UK jumping to a different conference in football, UK Athletic Director Mitch Barnhart had this to say:

"We think we can win conference championships. Just not in the SEC. We've been scouting the Ivy League, the Sunbelt, and the Big East. These are the three conferences where we think we can dominate in the future."

Coach Brooks, in his fifth year at Kentucky, says change will come, but the consistent winning will only happen when they switch conferences.

"Look. We don't have the brightest or the best here in our football program, and we never will," he said. "I know what's important and I keep it simple for my boys. I only have three rules for my players. One, wear a cup. Two, wear a helmet when you check into the game. And three, wear a condom when sleeping with your cousin. Most of 'em get two out of three."



(It may take another cinematic miracle for Kentucky to ever win another SEC football title)

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