Testifying before Congress, CIA Director Michael Hayden confirmed that a new torture technique was being used, but defended the action saying, "desperate times require desperate measures."
The technique was described as one of the better forms of "coercion" the CIA has ever used. It involves surrounding the detainee with HDTVs, a Bose stereo sound system, and repeatedly playing Kwame Brown's highlight video of the Lakers/Suns third quarter. Interrogating agents refer to it as "Kwame Screening," and have said that it always leads to detainees screaming and confessing.
But is it really that effective?
Agents reveal that detainees are broken and confessing within 30-35 minutes. Only one detainee was able to last longer than 60 minutes—and he was blind. The moans and gasps of the interrogating agents scared him so much, that he confessed.
Experts are divided on the true effectiveness of "Kwame Screening."
"People will say anything just to get the interrogator to stop the tape," one agent revealed anonymously. "Can you really trust the information from such an emotionally tortured individual?"
It is taking its toll on CIA agents as well and many are having a hard time administering the technique.
One agent remarked, “Its just too much to bear. Watching Kwame drop the ball, turning the ball over, shooting awkwardly, missing layups, missing dunks..." The agent paused to wipe tears from his eyes. "It’s very hard for us to administer."
Even seasoned, hardened, and experienced interrogation agents have needed time off and counseling for recovery.
Democrats vow to fight the switch
"It's just despicable," said Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.). "But I dare say, if we had to choose between the two, I’d stay with 'waterboarding.' That third quarter from Kwame was just unbearable to watch."
The Senator then went on to lament, "What have we come to as a nation if we have to subject people to such a barrage of indecencies?"
Human rights groups and the UN chime in
Human Rights activists showed video clips from the 3rd quarter at a hastily held news conference. (These can be seen at www.KwameHighlights.com WARNING: MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ALL AUDIENCES.) The activists were searingly mad:
“We have to stop this barbaric practice immediately.”
A terrorist web site posted the thoughts of one detainee who actually had gone through the "Kwame Screening" technique.
"I don’t even know what NBA Basketball is—yet I cringed with pain as I watched this man play this game so terribly."
The site mentioned the man was so emotionally distraught that he has given up terrorism, and just sits in a corner all day moaning, gasping, and shaking his head in disbelief.
Related notes: Laker fans are considering a Class Action lawsuit for emotional distress caused by the 3rd quarter play of Brown...Lakers GM, Mitch Kupchak denies making trade that brought Kwame to Lakers: "That was before I was GM, I think"
(Author's comment: Yes this was a bit over the top. But if you saw the Suns/Lakers game last night, you would understand my sentiment—"pure torture to watch"....)
10 comments Last one added about 1 year ago — Leave a Comment
Dave Metrick about 1 year ago
Kwame was awful against the Suns. When the crowd starting booing him mercilessly, I started feeling sorry for him. But I understand where they're coming from. The Lakers traded Caron Butler - who was an all-star last year - for this guy.
Edit Comment Cancel
John 'Fatty'-Fatland about 1 year ago
To the Editor: Very good job editing and framing the article.
Thank's for your help.
I too, felt sorry for the guy, but 9 million reasons limited my pity a bit much. The Lakers really need him to get his act together. Hopefully sooner, rather than later.
Edit Comment Cancel
Anonymous about 1 year ago
I painfully agree, it was AWFUL watching Kwame. At 9 million a year, the fans deserve better. Remember, LA fans are notoriously laid back. If they were driven to such a display of emotion it truly must have been torture. CIA, you are on to something.
Edit Comment Cancel
Zander Freund about 1 year ago
My God, that's the funniest thing I've read all week.
What were his numbers like for the quarter? I didn't see the game but it sure sounds awful...
Thanks for the laughs John!
Edit Comment Cancel
Amina Abdul-Malik about 1 year ago
they booed him before the freaking tip off!
that part is unfair.
yes he sucks, but give him a chance to play horrible first before booing.
Edit Comment Cancel
John 'Fatty'-Fatland about 1 year ago
Zander,
Some high lights or low lights of the game, depends on who you were rooting for I guess
Notice 3rd quarter stuff, please watch with particular interest when 54 has the ball. And remember, 54 makes 9 MILLION PER YEAR entertaining us fans.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqdtM86aJak
Also of note, Kwame was just voted #1 underachiever among NBA Players, his peers I believe.
In a Sports Illustrated poll of 242 NBA players, Kwame Brown received the most votes for the question, “Which player gets the least out of the most talent?” Brown received 17% of the votes, followed by Clippers forward Tim Thomas (10%), New York center Eddy Curry (7%), New Jersey guard-forward Vince Carter (6%) and Memphis center Darko Milicic (5%).
Thank you for your kind thoughts. I'm glad to be aboard.
Edit Comment Cancel
Jordan B about 1 year ago
This is a phenominal title, and a hilarious article, thanks for your contribution
Edit Comment Cancel
Marin Perez about 1 year ago
I was disappointed in Lakers fans this night. The team had the best record in the conference, Brown had a decent game the night before, and the Lakers faithful were just ITCHING to boo Kwame.
Any Lakers fan knows Brown for Butler was an unmitigated disaster, but they also know that Brown hasn't been a complete waste. His defense and rebounding have been solid.
The fans should have tried to encourage Brown, because the team needs him to man the paint.
Edit Comment Cancel
John 'Fatty'-Fatland about 1 year ago
"He had as bad an outing as I've ever seen a player have," Jackson said of Brown's seven turnover, boo-sparking performance in a nationally televised game against Phoenix almost two weeks ago.
Edit Comment Cancel
Chad Ridgeway about 1 year ago
All I have to say, is that every time Pau Gasol catches the ball without fumbling it, there is a palpable euphoria among Lakers fans.
Edit Comment Cancel
Leave a Comment
You must register to post a comment.