Breaking News: Tears Of Cowboys Fans Flood The City Of Dallas
Yes, it's official. The city of Dallas will soon cease to exist. The tears from the soon-to-be-famous flood that wiped out the city are the cause of news that Tony Romo's apparent "sprained" pinkie is actually broken, keeping him out up to four weeks.
Now I know how Patriots fans feel. Sure, Romo isn't out the whole season like Brady. But we can basically eliminate Dallas from any talk of the Super Bowl. Although you can guarantee a victory at St. Louis next week, the next two are against Tampa Bay and the Giants, two defenses that should make Brad Johnson wish he retired when he had the chance.
Has there any been any worse news to wake up to on a Monday morning? The Dow can drop 800 points, I could be so broke that I'm best friends with MC Hammer, and my girlfriend could be cheating on me. But Romo is out for a month? Shoot me now.
As any Cowboys fan would, I thought to myself: how the hell did this happen? What could go so wrong that all hope for the season would be lost? Here's my opinion: it all happened within a week. Seven days. That's all it took.
This was definitely the worst week the 'Boys could've envisioned coming into this season. Almost as bad as the CBS show entitled "Worst Week", although not as bad as "The Mentalist" Seriously. "I'm not psychic...I just observe people" is the tag line (or something like that). You can't observe people that well, you're just creepy. End of discussion.
The first thing that occurred was our good old pal, Mr. TO. First off, let me state that Cowboys fans love him. Terrell Owens, despite the character, has a place in every Cowboys' fans heart. But kind of like that hot girl you're dating who says that getting together with the boys to watch football is lame, one wrong phrase can turn us against you. Now on to my point:
Right after the Cincinnati game, we got the classic Terrell Owens "I never get the ball" speech, except this time he decided to bring a higher being into the conversation, essentially stating that when he gets the ball, God is happy.
Listen TO, we love you, but subtly stating that Tony Romo is pissing God off by not throwing you the ball is probably the reason God injured Romo. This is all your fault.
God is angry with you for all your whining and your dropped passes. He's angry with you because God is a Cowboys fan, and naturally, he picked you as his starting wide receiver on his fantasy football team. Now he's losing in his league to Steve Jobs and Tom Brady. This is the punishment you get. You think he hasn't had enough of your crap? Try getting the ball when Brad Johnson is quarterback.
Later in the week, reports out of Dallas stated that Adam Jones had gotten into another "altercation". Not disciplining Jones was a HUGE mistake. He's had his chances to rebuild his image.
Even if the fight wasn't violent (which, according to Jones, was much more violent than described in the media), some action was required by Jerry Jones. A one game suspension, without pay, would've sufficed. Even after Jones apologized, teammates said that they didn't feel it was sincere. Jones is ruining the chemistry of this team, and as cliche as it is, it definitely matters.
Look at the past teams who've won championships: The Celtics, the Red Sox, the Giants, the Spurs, the US Men's Swimming Team, the Patriots, the Red Wings. The key for all these teams? Chemistry! Pacman is bringing unwanted attention to the Cowboys (as if they need more).
It's like giving the paparazzi a key to Paris Hilton's apartment/condo/house/living space. She doesn't need more attention, and quite frankly, we don't want to hear about it.
First of all, the nickname "Pacman" was a tip off that this guy is trouble. When I think of Pacman, I think of a cute little yellow mouth gobbling up white pixels at local burger joints and in hand held gaming devices, pleasing people of all ages all over the world. Anyone ruining the nickname of a classic like that is definitely no good. Soon we'll be seeing some troubled individual nicknamed "Sonic". Or even worse..."Barney".
So now we sit and wait. Cowboys fans all across Dallas are floating in their tears. Romo out, Brad Johnson in. How much do you think it'll take to get Troy Aikman to leave Joe Buck and come back to the 'Boys for one more year?
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